Everyone Hates a Wedding Party Pooper
by Emily Roberts, M.A., LPC-I

It can be both an honor and a headache to be in a friend’s wedding. There is the dress you’ll never wear again, shoes, alterations, endless gift giving, and even hotel rooms or plane tickets. With wedding season is in full swing, I have heard horror stories from both the brides and their maids. There are a few simple things to remember to ensure that your wedding party doesn’t turn into a friendship funeral.

Bridesmaids
It’s important to be conscientious of a few things before accepting the invitation of being in the wedding party. If you can’t follow this simple checklist, it might make everyone happier if you just politely decline.

• Bite your tongue. Words to the wise from one blushing bride: “Be supportive, don’t be too picky, go with the flow, and always SMILE! Also, try your hardest to get along with the other bridesmaids. There’s nothing more stressful for a bride than bridesmaids not getting along.”
• She wants YOU, not your wallet. If cost is an issue, talk to the bride long before the wedding. Explain to her your financial situation and come up with a compromise. Many of the women I interviewed said if a bridesmaid could not afford the dress, they would help.
• It’s not all about you. Take yourself out of the spotlight. Remember this is your friend’s big day and the favor will be repaid—so whatever is going on in your world you need to suck it up for one day and be a supportive friend/bridesmaid.

Brides
It’s your day and everyone is following your lead. Do yourself a favor and be aware of a few things before picking and partying with your bridesmaids.

• No one likes “Bridezilla.” We’re all aware this is the day you’ve been dreaming about since you were 7, but that does not mean that friends are subject to verbal abuse, belittling, or being your sounding board for frustrations. Nothing is worse than coming home from your honeymoon to the reality of lost friendships.
• Help a sister out! It is unfair to expect your friends to shell out hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to be a part of your big day.  Ask them (individually) what they are comfortable spending and wearing; if it doesn’t meet your expectations, come up with compromises.
• Choose wisely. If you know that there are vicious friendships/past relationships in the wedding party ask them to respect you and keep it out of the wedding. This is something that should not affect your wedding day. If it becomes an issue, then you may want to rethink who should be in your wedding.

Long story short: this day is supposed to be beautiful, not full of stress and strife! Everyone needs to keep an eye on the prize and not get sidetracked by the little details that don’t matter in the big picture.

photo by kathleen lawton-trask

bride, bridesmaids, bridezilla, friendship, marriage, stress, wedding