Why Your Best Friend is Completely and Utterly Crazy

By Mallory Arnold, Regular ContributorOctober 3, 2015

In a strange world, a best friend would come with a contract. There would be a conference room meeting, each person entitled to a lawyer who would go through the nitty gritty details, combing through the official document with a teeth comb. There would be many legalities, important agreements, and policies needed to be upheld. All the while you and your best friend would be making faces at each other across the table and texting about whose lawyer looks more like Leonardo DiCaprio.

I believe this contract would look something like this….

I will always check to make sure you don’t have a “bat in the cave,” even if you ask in the middle of a party.

I will growl at the mean boys who don’t treat you right, even if they’re bigger than an adult moose.

I will forever be on the same bathroom schedule as you and will always go to discuss intense dramatic updates within the stalls.


image via bodyrock.tv.com

I declare that I will send you text messages from across the room- or from the same couch.

I will work my hardest to always be your number one on Snapchat- and will become visibly upset when I fall to number two.

I very rarely will make a nice comment on your Instagram or Twitter- and that’s acceptable.

I promise to always put a *pause* in our fueled texting fights because something of actual importance came up.

I vow to hate all your exes you loathe and love every boy you adore- no matter how many times you change your mind.

I will never use the words “Don’t judge me but,” because there is no such thing as judgement.

I will vow to cry and throw “end of the world tantrums” around you for no good reason.

I will set up intricate plans so that our kids might date and fall in love one day.

I promise to beg you to work out with me but sit giggling on the mats the whole time.

I will do my best to creep you out as much as possible with dance moves, faces, and weird accents.

I solemnly declare that I will know who you have a crush on before you even know it yourself.

Your lawyer would cough very professionally and stack up all his fancy lawyer shenanigans before sliding the contract over for you to sign. Without hesitation you sign the bottom, and suddenly notice some very fine print down at the bottom corner. You squint to see the minuscule text.

“I hear-by accept that my best friend is and forever will be a crazy psycho.”

Let's chat!

Are you and your best friend crazy together? What type of psycho things do you do together? Tell us below!

About Mallory

MALLORY_ARNOLD_write_bio.jpgMallory is an aspiring journalist, professional avocado connoisseur, and expert hairless dog trainer. You can find her in Athens Land the Nati- Shell be running all over the place with a pen stuck behind her ear.


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