Where Being Single Led Me

By: Jane Friday, Guest Blogger

In a moment of utter candor my therapist dropped a nuclear warhead on me. “I don’t want you to be in a relationship for a year.” A panic swept over me. A stampede of doubt and confusion incensed and agitated me. How could this woman possibly expect me to be without a relationship? A year seemed an eternity. I objected and planned to indulge my naturally rebellious nature by declining to take her advice. Despite my intention to fling myself into the next great passion to come along, I didn’t.

I would never have been able to touch the roots of my reaction at the time. Only by digging in the dirt would I eventually find the crux of it: It was fear. Who would validate my existence and complete me? What, if not some novella worthy relationship, would distract from my pain and worries? How could I fit society’s mold of what a young woman in her 20’s should look like, if I wasn’t on the journey to build a life with someone? What I know now is that I was on the journey and that someone was me.

I ended up being single for three years and currently am living the single life. The gifts and discoveries have been immeasurable. Every time we find our limited preconceived notions are wrong, we triumph as women. Being without a partner allowed me to do just that.


I got dirty. It got very messy rooting around inside myself. It was a mess that I wouldn’t have created had I been in a relationship. Plunging into the nitty-gritty of my inner self I was faced with the raw image of my insecurities, the holes I was trying to fill, and the lies I told myself. When my eyes were opened I could, at last, get to the task of healing these wounds and errors of thought.

I came to learn that intimacy of souls does not only occur in romantic partnerships but in the relationships with our dearest friends. The more I understood myself, the more I was lead to inspirational and warm female companions. These friends have left indelible marks on my heart as I once thought only a romantic partner could. Anam Cara is a spiritual Celtic term that translates to “Soul Friend.” Had I been ensconced in a relationship I never would have discovered that such individuals were out there.

For thousands of years journeying out into the wilderness has been a rite of passage in cultures around the world. Whether an Aboriginal Walkabout or Native American Vision Quest, a solo journey can be utilized as a teacher. It is symbolic of having our greater selves and new directions revealed.

Being a single woman is not a curse but an opportunity. There is nothing wrong with you. It is not because you are unlovable or unattractive, quite the opposite in fact.

You are so deeply beautiful and important; there is so much more of that truth to be revealed to you. It’s a window of time filled with mysteries and lessons to be unraveled. In my own life it has happened over and over, each time endowing me with something new. When we break through the soil of our self-deceptions we can fully soak in the light of our newest self-discoveries.

Let's Chat! Sticking to being single? What are you discovering about yourself? Share your story here!

About Jane

jane_friday.jpgJane is a singer, actress, writer, feminist, and activist. Her life is dedicated to performing and humanitarian work. Jane is a self proclaimed nerd and when she isn't working she can be found obsessing over various fandoms; after all, cool is overrated. Jane is honored to be a guest blogger for I AM THAT GIRL, and believes that women empowering each other is paramount. She can be found tweeting under the handle @itsjanefriday.







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  • commented 2015-02-03 16:55:33 -0800
    Thank you for this beautiful article, Jane. It could not have come at a more perfect time for me. It has been a month since I walked away from a man I loved dearly, because both of our relationship with ourselves were broken – so I am at the start of this very messy, but already rewarding journey. Since I left him, I have begun rekindling my love for reading, journaling, learning how to play guitar – but, most importantly, deepening my relationships with my family, my friends, and myself. I am learning to enjoy being on my own. And, when I decide open myself to romantic relationships again, I will be with someone because I choose to – not because I feel that I can’t live without them.

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