By: Julie Phillips, Guest Blogger
After you experience something painful like the death of a loved one, a failed relationship, or the loss of a job, we always ask ourselves “WHY?” Why did this happen to me? Why did they leave me? Why did I try so hard? Why, why, why…continuously wrapping ourselves up in a web of why’s knowing there really is no clear answer.
A few years ago I found myself very stuck asking why, crying over the “whys” and ultimately falling into a deep depression. I was devastated that my marriage failed and I was looking at raising my daughter on my own. I felt like a failure and I wanted to know why this happened to me. One day as I was obsessing over the “whys,” walking myself through the steps of how I got to this place, recounting what I did or didn’t do, a word echoed through my entire body- CONTROL. I had such a need to control and plan my life out that I made this happen! I had always wanted to be married and have a family before I was thirty. So the planner in me set a goal--conscious or sub conscious--I set that goal and I worked my plan. When my ex asked me to marry him I said, “Yes,” because I loved him of course, but also because I saw my plan, my goal, coming to fruition. There was a little voice in my head and my heart telling me I wasn’t making the right decision, but I would quiet those voices convincing myself it would all work out because it was the “plan.” “Stick to the plan.”…“Stay the course.” But it didn’t work out; my plan failed and that was ok. Realizing this I could literally feel a weight lifting off my heart, off my shoulders and off my mind. I understood my issue with control and was now ready to make a change.
After having this epiphany I was able to start getting off the “why” wagon and on the road to happiness. I had to stop the control and start letting things go. Otherwise I would find myself in the same situation again. Yes, I learned it the hard way, but I LEARNED! I took something away from my preconceived plan and turned a negative into a positive. Isn’t that what we want to find after going through a difficult time: the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel, the lesson that you can share with others, a positive outcome? Everyday this is work; this is a challenge for me to break a habit that is so embedded into who I am and how I operate. But every time I choose to let go or I choose to let the cards fall where they may, I feel light and at peace and it feels amazing!
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Julie is a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend to many. Julie has a passion for the culinary arts, and can often be found seeking out local farms with her daughter for farm fresh staples to cook and enjoy with friends and family. Raising her daughter with awareness, confidence and individuality is something she takes very seriously. Julie not only hopes to inspire other women with her submissions to IATG, but also to show her daughter the importance of unity among women and the significant impact we can have when we encourage women to dream! Julie tweets at @JulieSonoma
image via indulgy.com