Unspoken Phone Rules

I was slammed with work deadlines awhile back and went the majority of the day without a single glance at my cell phone. When I picked up my magic message machine, I had seven, that�s right, seven voicemails from the same guy. Immediately, I called him back without listening to any of them because I panicked thinking something was wrong.

My heart was racing with each ring until he finally picked up the phone with that �I can tell you are smiling� voice and casually said, �Hey Lex.� I was so confused. Stammering, I asked if everything was alright and was something going on. He simply replied, �Nope, everything here is great, just wanted to touch base and catch up.�

Immediately I was furious that he had basically cried wolf to get a general life update. After a quick few minutes of shooting the you-know-what, I said I had to run and hung up, frustrated with the anxiety-inducing number of messages. Worse, I had to then listen to seven inconsequential, redundant messages. They went something like this:

�Hey Alexis, haven�t talked in a while and wanted to catch up, so ring me when it�s easy.�
(Completely acceptable and yes, I would love to catch up.)

�Hey Lex, sure you�re slammed, but call me when you get a second.�
(I actually was slammed, which would be why I didn�t call you back.)

�Hey Alexis, just thinking about you and hadn�t chatted in awhile, so I thought I�d catch up.�
(You don�t say.)

�Lexi-loo, it�s me and I just wanted to see what your plans were for tonight and if you�d want to catch up.�
(First off, don�t ever call me that again. Second, calling someone four times in a two-hour period is completely unacceptable.)

�Hey Alexis, it�s been a bit, just seein� where you were.�
(A bit?! It�s been less than an hour since your last call and guess what!?! Yup, still at work.)

�Alexis, I left ya a message, but I thought I�d give ya another ring and see if I could catch ya. Call me when you get it.�
(A message?! Try six and even if I wanted to call you back, on principle alone, I cannot reward this kind of behavior.)

�One more phone call won�t hurt, right? Anyhow, call me when you have a second. Talk to ya soon.�
(You have now officially damaged our relationship and my overall respect for you has drastically declined. I�ll need some time to reevaluate our friendship and why you think this conduct was anywhere near normal.)

So maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but come on! Everyone knows there are unspoken phone rules and even as a friend, much less someone I was interested in, he shattered them completely. Here’s a refresher course on phone etiquette. If the person you are trying to reach is unavailable, you are permitted to leave one phone message and in rare circumstances, you may leave two before they return your call. Otherwise, Captain Impatience, hold your horses!

Only in a dire, life-threatening situation (or you happen to see your best friend’s celebrity crush, and if they left the house immediately they could show up in time to see them), are you allowed to call repeatedly and leave as many messages as it takes to track a person down.

They’re not my rules, but they are clear, concise and unforgiving. Some people say chivalry is dead; I say it’s still very much alive in the cellular world and we must adamantly hold deviants accountable.Images courtesy of News.cnet.com, Forums.ilounge.com

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