To Begin Again

By Marley Mayer, Regular ContributorOctober 19, 2015

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For a long time, I felt like I was swimming against this giant current. The waves kept pounding down on me and pulling me beneath the water. It was a constant strain for me to get some sort of fresh air. I thought this was how life was supposed to be lived- in some sort of desperate struggle. I was always fighting…for peace, for happiness, for a sense of worthiness.

I may have become a little stronger in this process, but I definitely did not become happier. I kept so much resistance in my life by choice that I didn’t know what it was like to have smooth sailing. My friendships lacked care and compassion, my relationships were failing, and I felt so far away from the girl that I knew I could be.

Despite the daily fight that I was putting up, it was so much easier to live in this “world” that I knew, then to give it up for the fear of the unknown. I was terrified to start over.

It’s petrifying to walk away from people, from a place, from a life that you have tried to build for yourself.

Somewhere in this past year I hit a tipping point. I realized that there is no reason to hold onto the things that hurt me. I left the places that no longer felt like home, I left the people that tore me down, and I stopped doing the activities that left me feeling empty. I walked away from a lot.

Risking myself in this way left me fearful. Adapting and rebuilding are difficult skills to master. I am still healing in a way that I never had to before.

I am alone in a new place with everything and nothing at my fingertips.

The other day I came across a quote that read, “There will become a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

So here is to my new beginning. I hope it’s full of adventure and opportunity, new friendships, love, balance, self-discovery, maybe a little magic, and most importantly, happiness.

If this whirlwind of a life has shown me one thing thus far, it’s that there is no time to dwell in the past. There are times when pushing through obstacles is the right decision, but there is also a time to walk away and begin again.

There is no failure in starting over.

The most courageous decision I have ever made is to let go of all the things that hurt my heart. The future still holds some healing, but for once the waves are no longer bringing me down.

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Have you ever started completely over? How did it feel to walk away from everything? Tell us below!

 


About Marley

MARLEY_MAYER_writer_bio.jpgMarley lives in Madison, WI where she is studying to become a nurse at Edgewood College. She is passionate about travel, learning new things, and all things health related. You would most likely find her outside on an adventure, eating Mexican food, or blogging in a coffee shop. Marley is very excited to share her voice with IATG!  

 

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  • commented 2015-10-22 21:39:12 -0700
    I was this girl until I decided to let go of pain of the past and step by step move forward into the woman who I am today. A woman who loves herself, who is stronger, more willing to just live for today because today is a blessing, a gift another day to remember I made it and happier now then if I would of stayed and not found this person who today I can say is amazing!!
  • followed this page 2015-10-15 07:12:55 -0700

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