I was single for three years. No boyfriend and not nearly enough wild, passionate, 8th-grade make-out sessions. No Valentineâ��s Day cards, holiday cuddle partner or hand-holding grocery shopping buddy. So, I understand Singleville better than most because I didnâ��t just pitstop there, I rented an apartment and made a home for quite some time. While it may not be the case for me anymore, I want to send out some love and encouragement to my girls who find themselves without a romantic co-pilot, especially because itâ��s the holiday season and it seems like everywhere you look people are canoodling over peppermint lattes, smooching in front of those clichÃ© fireplace backdrops or showing up to parties in pairs.
The reality is that when you arenâ��t in a relationship, there are times when it feels like everyone and their dog has someone special while youâ��re searching for this mystery person who is nowhere to be found. Now for my single ladies thriving in the holiday spirit, I need your attention too because I know a handful of our sisters out there who could use a reminder of how badass they are in spite of the single blues that are secretly stealing Santaâ��s thunder. So hereâ��s my advice, do YOU right now. Given out of context that sounds completely inappropriate, but hear me out. What Iâ��m saying is focus on you. Not the â��you without love,â�� but the wondrous you who needs nothing else to be whole.
There are such unoriginal expectations of relationships and so much pressure that as women, we arenâ��t complete without a plus one. I beg to differ. I spent a significant amount of time just focusing on me, running my race and doing what made me tick. I discovered my own voice, what I like, donâ��t like, how I prefer my eggs (Runaway Bride reference) and filled my schedule with best friends, movies, hikes, traveling around the world, building my organization, dancing, singing (especially in the shower and my car) and getting dolled up on a Saturday night for me. I surrounded myself with the most phenomenal people I could find, trained for and completed a triathlon, went to church on Sundays, stayed out too late in New York City, had one too many adult beverages with my girlfriends and laughed until our stomachs hurt. I cried over my past heartbreak until every tear had left my body, forgave people who hurt me, forgave myself for hurting others, healed all my heart scars from past disappoints, learned more about politics, wrote a book and shared my life story on a stage for thousands of girls in hopes of inspiring them to love themselves and each other more.
I was busy being me, learning about me, growing, making mistakes, inspiring those along my journey and being encouraged, nourished and inspired by those I came across. Then yes, when I least expected, and by “least” I truly mean “last thing in the world I could have possibly expected on an unscheduled trip to Sonoma for Pete’s sake,” I found a diamond in the rough. A lovely, handsome winemaker who’s officially swept me off my feet. The point is that being single is nothing short of awesome, if you sign yourself up for the ultimate self-love, personal pampering and journey to becoming the best and strongest version of you. Then one day, when you are running your race, you will look up and someone will be headed at the exact same speed, in the same direction and it will truly be effortless. They will shine as bright and uniquely as you do, then before you know it, you’ll be on a new journey and in pursuit of an “us” instead of “me.” But until then, revel in where you are today. More will be revealed because despite what Hallmark cards and cheesy holiday decorations imply, you aren’t missing anything.
Do you this season even if it’s the “single” version. Anything can be perceived with rose-colored glasses and the grass is always greener, but just remember to breathe in this chapter of your life. So go ahead and dance your ass off, stay out too late without having to “check in,” book a flight to wherever you want to go for New Year’s Eve, flirt it up, and when you’re busy focused on being the best version of you, you’ll attract the person lucky enough to call you theirs. Know this; there is no rush my dear. None at all. And just in case you haven’t been told today, you are lovely, beautiful and precious exactly as you are. So, take pride in riding solo this holiday season because when it’s right, love will find you.Images courtesy of Sodahead.com, Michigan-conference-banquet-hall.waldenwoods.com