By: Ashley Drummonds, Regular Contributor
“She just pisses me off! She never treats me with respect, always wants more and more from me and yet refuses to show any concern whatsoever about my life! No matter what I do, it is not enough. I feel like I am always having to prove something and then when I think I have done enough there is something else…I am so tired of her not seeing how she treats me!”
We all have someone, at some point, who has made us feel this way or utter these words. This was a conversation I had the other day with a good friend and honestly, I have also had with myself out of frustration with the way another person acted towards me. It is not a fun feeling when you feel disrespected or like you are not enough. The people closest to you who are supposed to love and accept you the most are often the ones who frustrate you more than anything; and you seem to always want to win their approval, right?
I used to be the biggest people pleaser out there; I would do anything I could just to make everyone else like me and win acceptance. If someone thought I was good at something then I believed I was good at it and if they thought I sucked at something I believed I sucked. I let everyone else around me dictate how I lived my life and the amount of happiness I had. The problem with this is it will put you on a permanent roller coaster. You will feel great and on a high when everyone approves of your choices and what you direction you are heading and the next you can be on the biggest low when you make one decision that goes against their wishes.
The good news is that you are in complete control of how it affects you. You do not need to go live in a box or cut all of the people closest to you out of your life in order to be happy and feel accepted. Isolation is not the answer. We were put in this world to connect and help each other so removing people from your inner circle is sometimes necessary, but removing everyone is not necessary. To change the way you are treated all you need to do is change the way you treat yourself. The entire point of life is to shed away the rough stuff, learn from it, and still love. I read a book yesterday by Gay Hedricks called Learning to Love Yourself and he points out how the more you resist any situation, the more you resist a huge lesson in your life. Until you accept and find a way to love through that tough situation then life will continue to bring it back to you for months and years. Those people who frustrate you the most are the ones who reflect something inside of you that is trying to show you a lesson of love. If someone treats you like nothing you do is good enough, what are you holding within yourself of feeling like you are not enough? If someone under values you in a relationship or work, what inside of you are you undervaluing or in what ways do you under value yourself?
If in any situation that we felt frustration we would just take the time to stop and step back to see what lesson life is trying to teach us, we would not only dissipate the problem much faster, but life would become so much more simplified. Relationships would be full of so much more love if couples stopped taking the victim role every time there was conflict, removed themselves from the situation, and asked how they attracted that event in their life? The thing about frustration is the more you resist, the more it persists and what you accept you no longer project. Do you want work to be less frustrating? Accept the situation exactly as it is without knowing the full scope of it, but simply trusting that there is a lesson to learn about yourself through it and you will see your frustration dissolve. Accept your friend exactly as they are even if they do piss you off and get under your skin while loving yourself through all of it, and you will not only see your anger dissolve, but you will also see your friend in a different light. What they do will no longer affect you. The world is your mirror: what is inside of you gets reflected back through the people and the situations you find around you. Love yourself when things feel perfect and love yourself when things feel bumpy because ultimately the whole point in everything is just to know that you are loved exactly as you are all the time. Life is just giving you situations to practice that!
The attitudes and mindsets we project into the world are powerful forces that actually shape our reality.
- What are you projecting right now? If it is a negative mindset, how might you change that?
- Why is acceptance so difficult? What can we do to make acceptance easier?
- What qualities do you notice in positive, resilient, strong people?
I AM Ashley Drummonds. I am a health and fitness expert and use my own journey in fitness to empower women to embrace both their inner and outer strength through ABS (Authentic Beauty and Strength). I have a passion for connecting, educating, and helping women all over the world to build strong bodies, create healthy lifestyles, and fall in love with their own beautiful body! www.ashleydrummonds.com