By Susannah Hutcheson, Regular ContributorJuly 6, 2015
The other day, I stepped into a Target dressing room with bathing suits piled high in my arms. The first thought I had when I closed the door behind me was how much swimsuit shopping sucked. I hated having to try on suits that always seemed to fit me in the wrong place, while covering up the many things I didn’t like about myself.
Image via aol.com
I tried the first one on. It was awful.
On to the next one- nope.
Then, I tried the third one on, almost kind of liking it. I stepped back, and then started to point out everything bad I saw.
If I could see it in this miniscule dressing room, certainly everyone at the beach would see it. Nope.
Fourth one? I was convinced that the back made me look like Shrek.
Fifth one? No. Why did I think that I could pull that off? I am not my skinny friends.
Sixth, I tried on a bathing suit that I picked up as a last-ditch effort to convince myself that maybe- just maybe- I could pull off a bikini this summer. I stood in front of the mirror and burst into tears. I guess I expected that I would look like everyone I saw on Instagram, but no.
I just looked like me.
I saw the freckle on my hip, the one I’ve been determined to get removed since I was 5. I saw the marks on my hips, stomach, and thighs from a year of self-medicating through food when I was lonely at school. I saw some cellulite. I saw a patch of leg hair that I missed in the shower. In my opinion, I didn’t see anything perfect. Instead, I saw things that could be lasered away and exercised off. I saw unflattering light and eyebrows that needed some shaping. Soon enough, I was about six inches away from the mirror, scrutinizing myself more than I have even come close to seeing anyone else.
Thirty minutes later and several long mirror stares later, I finally decided on one- black, strapless, one-piece- Basically, one that squeezes and slims in all the right places. When I was walking back to my car, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being silly.
Who cares what I look like in the suit? I went back and bought it.
I haven’t gotten the courage to wear it yet- but it’s a step.
Are you ever insecure with your body? What's it like when you go swimsuit shopping? How do you gain the confidence to rock a swimsuit? Tell us below!
Susannah is a Journalism major, passionate about social justice and Jesus Christ. She loves cold weather, triple-shot lattes, and macaroni and cheese. When she’s not writing papers or baking cookies, you can find her Googling random things on the Internet or watching large amounts of reality television. You can read her ramblings at ileftamessinthekitchen.wordpress.com, or look at pictures of her coffee on Instagram: @susannah.beth.
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