The Love I Deserve

By: Dana Zillgitt, Regular Contributor

It’s funny, falling in love with somebody who’ll never love you back. At least not the way you want them to. You’re so head over heels for them, it’s almost disgusting how much you want them to want you the same way back. You look at them, seeing such a crazy, beautiful future with them, and you can’t seem to understand why it will never really be a reality. The heart is a conflicting beast and it’s stubborn as hell in a snow storm. It’s confusing and a complete contradiction. But maybe that’s what makes love so beautiful when it’s requited and perfect. When it’s fought for, sought after, and needed day after day. Love is continually a choice that you fight for and seek.

My mom always told me, “baby girl, matters of the heart are always complicated,” and I never really understood what she meant until I met him. Until I met the one man (at least so far) who could keep up. Who could bring me to my knees fully clothed and make me believe in butterflies again. Who made me feel stunning in sweats and his t-shirt. He believed in everything I did but I still knew, at the same time, we couldn’t last for long.


There was an ocean between us and quite a bit of land. We were both unready for long distance but that didn’t stop me from wanting him to hold me when I cried, to lift me up when I was striding. All it took was a “good morning” text and I’d be putty from a thousand miles away. But I know I’m not his only one while he may be mine. I will never be the girl he wants to wake up to for the rest of his life and I’m slowly starting to be okay with that. I’m realizing that there is a man out there who will love me in every way imaginable and then some. Someday the man I want to wake up to for the rest of my life will find me and while he may feel a little differently, I’ll still be the face he wants to wake up to every morning. That’s all we can hope for in the end: Somebody to not only fight beside us, but to fight for the right to wake up every morning in an all-encompassing love that we outwardly exude as well.

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It's okay to look for love on your own terms, love that feels worthy of YOU. Try and get clear even in the midst of strong feelings, check in with yourself (or get with someone you trust to talk to) and ask yourself: It feels good, but does it feel RIGHT? Is this person deserving of my time, energy, and emotions? Is this love or relationship helping or hurting my higher self?

About Dana

dana_z.jpgDana has her BA in International Affairs & Spanish as well as a mild obsession with rescue animals and all things caffeinated. She’s mastered the art of the selfie, fort building, and even the sass battle. Plus, she can quote 95% of Anchorman and Zoolander.


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