The Lost Art of Conversation

By Natascha Jones, Guest Blogger

I met this guy at a fancy little hotel bar in Beverly Hills a few weeks ago. We hit it off and he asked if he could see me again. We made a plan and set a date but when the day came, Eli* had to work late. I go to bed extremely early and by the time he would have arrived, I would be sleeping company. 

In absolutely typical 21st century fashion, I texted him several times to tell him not to drive all the way to my house. He lives in Beverly Hills, I live in Venice, it’s just too far, too late. So I texted and I got no response. I texted again and still no response. I panicked and…did the unthinkable…I called him.

I know what you’re thinking: it’s all over, now he thinks I’m stalking him and I have control issues and I want us to be in a committed relationship and move in together. But something interesting happened. We had a conversation and got to know each other. 

Think back to the days when you were in junior high or high school. For some of you this is now, but for some of you it was 20-25 years ago. Anyways, we talked on the phone ALL THE TIME when we were younger. We talked for hours and we swore we were in love and the excitement of seeing your crush in the hallway at school the next day was more than most girls could bear. It was what I considered to be pure love. Not the kind of love that lasts forever, but the quick, fleeting kind that hits deep in the vulnerable part of your heart that you haven’t covered up yet because it hasn’t been through life’s crazy heartbreak. 

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Talking on the phone created bonds, like little fiber optic ties from your end of the receiver to theirs. We really got to know our crushes back then; what their parents were like, when they ate dinner, their favorite song or how they like to spend their time. We wove little stories of our lives to each other. It may have been senseless conversation, but at least we were communicating.

These days it seems like we rush through the bond and connection of really getting to know someone and we jump right into a physical relationship after a couple of drinks at the bar. We text instead of talking on the phone, thus losing the compatibility test of banter; the way two people can ebb and flow in conversation says a lot of about how well they’re matched. This could apply to any relationship: family, friends, and lovers. Also, bonding through communication allows the other person to know you and care more about who you are, whether the relationship works out or not. Rush through that process and you often become just another face in the dating game. 

Eli was surprised at how out of the norm it was to talk on the phone these days. But an hour later he was happy about it and he actually enjoyed it. He said it gave him a chance to get to know me without trying to be physical with me because we weren’t in the same room. And it was not lost on either of us that we could talk, just talk, for an hour straight and still remain interested and present with each other. It turned out to be one of the best dates I’ve had in a while.

*Name changed to protect identity. 

Let's Chat! Take a page out of Natascha's book and challenge yourself to call a friend instead of texting him or her. How did it go? Tell us here! 

About Natascha

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While she would have to inform you that her “day” job is in esthetics and makeup artistry, Natascha truly spends her days in sunny Venice Beach laughing with her friends, riding her bike, and telling grandiose stories encouraging others to laugh, cry or think. She is passionate about her efforts to live life fully and push her comfort zone, which is why she spills her guts to you and she hopes you’ll still love her. 

 

 

image via abcnews.go.com

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