By: Lorene Belotti, Guest Blogger
I recently made one of the biggest decisions of my life: quitting my job. I was hired right after I got my Master’s degree, after an internship. This was an awesome opportunity for a first, real job. At the beginning, I couldn’t imagine I would stay there almost six years.
I wanted to leave for a while. I knew I had to give a boost to my career, but that I also needed to personally put myself “in danger.” I learned a lot of things at this job, but it was time to move on, to dare to admit I wanted something “bigger,” and to get out of my comfort zone. However my fears have been stronger… until recently.
I listened to myself and rationalized. I was aware of the fact that nothing would grow anymore in that place except anger and bitterness. I was done there. I wouldn’t and couldn’t accept anything wrong anymore. A little voice rose inside of me telling me I was strong enough to leave, to assume the consequences, and above all, to take the plunge and swim in the big scary world. It was time to use my wings. I did and I’m still enjoying the feelings of taking the leap right now.
The day I spoke to my bosses, I was terrified because I knew I was doing something that would change my comfortable and organized life. I pushed past fear and freed myself. “You are confined only by the walls you build yourself,” this quote keeps resonating with me.
I wasn’t evolving enough anymore but my fear of the unknown, of being imperfect, prevented me from acting for a long time. I felt imperfect because leaving a job without having another one yet was reckless and not responsible to me. I guess I was also afraid of what people would say: “she’s crazy, in this awful economic climate, she should just be happy to have a job!” while deep down I knew I had to go away as I didn’t belong there anymore. Leaving my job was scary: we know what we’re leaving, even if we don’t like it, but we don’t know what’s next. The fear of the unknown is sometimes more powerful than the fear of losing ourselves in the present. I was above all afraid of myself; I dreaded procrastinating, expecting the worse of my unproductiveness whereas for now, freedom and pride of breaking free are my daily companions.
I couldn’t imagine having “nothing to do” until I finally get that nothing is sometimes everything. I couldn’t believe how good we feel when we finally do what we know we have to. My entire body makes me understand I did the right thing; all the anger I used to feel is gone.
I’m not saying it’s going to be a fairy tale. I imagine when I won’t have to get up to go to work anymore in a few weeks, I will probably have moment of doubts about the future, my wills and my capacities, but I do know I won’t regret my choice. I’m right, I’m upright, I finally feel that what I think, say, and do are all in sync and this is wonderful. I realize the day I took this decision: I chose to fix something in my life.
Alexis Jones posted a great message on Instagram lately saying “get lost.” The control freak I am just jumped into that scary notion and it is totally worth it. The unknown is also the path of all the possibilities. So yes, darling, what they say is right: use your wings.
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Lorene is a French observer and learner of life. She’s been working as a salesperson and a marketing assistant for four years to learn the ropes of the business world. She used to be a sports journalist while doing her Master’s degree and she loves writing and telling stories about great people too much not to go back to her first love soon. She lives in the French Alps, and loves to try to solve the world’s problems while having a great meal with her loved ones. She is passionate about foreign languages, self-development books, American TV shows, and people. Oh, and she’s a total nerd of Academic studies (when she’ll win the lottery, she’ll go to Harvard).
image via heartboxstudio.com