The severe thunderstorm warnings finally subsided. In fact, the sun came out with such intensity that the rain didn’t stand a chance for the rest of the evening. A half-hour before the ceremony, our friends pitched in to drag 200 chairs from under the tent where they had been set up with the assumption the ceremony would be completely washed out.

From that moment on, nothing could have been more perfect. We ate, drank, laughed, danced and even roasted marshmallows. Many of our friends camped out in tents and then we all greeted the sunrise on Sunday morning. I can honestly say that it may have been, to date, the best day/evening/night/dawn/morning of my life. And I’m 99 percent positive Ben agrees.

On the 43-hour drive back to Los Angeles, Ben and I filled each other in on the moments the other had missed and relived the moments we shared. We decided that our vows were exciting, our dance was lovely and that the weather, food, cake, speeches and even the dancing were all amazing. But the very best thing about everything was watching our parents smile, our families relax and all of our friends come together to celebrate with us. It meant so much that so many people cared to show up despite the mud and chance of stormy weather.

Aside from providing the opportunity to have the best and biggest party of our lives, marriage hasn’t changed our relationship much. I don’t think Ben suddenly has a ball-and-chain attached to his ankle. I still have boys for friends and girls’ nights out. And neither of us expect the other to act or live differently. We talk about following our individual dreams and supporting each other in any way we can. We discuss making decisions based upon what is best for our family — which for now consists of him and me, as well as our dog Big.

When I catch a glimpse of the ring on his finger, I must admit I smile and feel this giddy rush of happiness. I feel confident that, like me, he is willing and proud to display this extraordinary symbol of our commitment to each other.

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I totally sabotaged my relationship. He was smart, attractive, and brought out the best in me. Dating was great. It was casual but, at the same time, we weren’t seeing anyone else…and then he called me his girlfriend I freaked out. What was it about that word that made me unconsciously ruin an amazing relationship? The same reason so many other young women freak out: fear.

Fear can rear its ugly head in a variety of different ways especially when you become close with someone. We think of excuses to dislike the person, come up with ridiculous reasons to be single, and, in the end, we are uttering the regrettable words “they were the one that got away.” He didn’t “get away” if you pushed him out of your life. So what are we doing?

Common Excuses:

• “I need to find myself.” Really? Where have you been? You are with yourself everyday, if you pull this card, it is as immature as cheating. When you get in a relationship, this person should be a complement to who you are, currently. A healthy relationship will allow you to grow together. If you want to end it, use a better excuse.
• “I’ve been burned before.” Who hasn’t? If you’ve been in a relationship that was damaging, you are more than likely going to be fearful of a new, healthy one.  Explain this to your partner. Take it slow, but don’t end something that could be wonderful out of fear. Take a risk; see what happens. If not, you’ll always be wondering what could have been.
• “The grass is greener on the other side.” Do you ever go out with your single friends and they convince you that you were “more fun” when you were not in a relationship? But all it takes is a good talk with a single friend who is complaining about the awkward one-night stand she had last week to send you straight back to reality.
• Commitment = Suffocation. Nope, not really. Many women stray from getting into serious relationships because they fear it will be the end of their independence. If this is the case and your partner is preventing you from living your own life, then that is a warning sign to get out.  But if it’s just your fear that you will have to marry this one, take a deeper look at what is causing you to think this way. He may not be thinking this at all.

I was lucky. When I started to pull the “I’m not ready card,” he called me out. He said he knew I was afraid of commitment because I had been burned in the past. He knew my surly attitude was due to the fact that I was trying to push him away. He told me, “If you do this with every guy you meet, you’re going to attract men who disrespect you. If you push all the good ones away, you are only setting yourself up for failure.” I was floored, but guess what? I realized he was right.

photo by katie tegtmeyer

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