I spent the past week in Minnesota for no other reason than my brother graduated from law school and the entire family flew into town to support and celebrate his endeavors. Like any graduation weekend, it was complete chaos. Between the 15 of us, there were five hotel rooms, four rental cars, and two kids under the age of three. You can imagine that choosing a restaurant alone necessitated an event planner.

The weekend was a ball of confusion, miscommunication, who’s riding in whose car, and why isn’t so-and-so answering his phone? For those of you who have big families, you know that it’s absolute mayhem trying to coordinate plans, to arrive anywhere on time, to have everyone happy at the same time and the frustration of our mother wanting to “keep everything running smoothly.”

However, despite the overwhelming stress, the lack of sleep (because nieces and nephews insist on waking you up two hours earlier than you would like), the 10 year sibling fires that get rekindled, and the unprecedented patience required for the molasses like progress we make, no matter what, we’re family and that’s what family does. The definition of family varies for everyone; it can be your closest friends, your teammates, or your coworkers but either way, it’s your “crew” and, for them, you’d do anything.

The beauty of my family is that at the end of the day we’re on the same team and when my brother walked across that stage, all the chaos, annoyance and frustration it took to get us to the graduation in the first place melted away and the Jones clan jumped to our feet, with tears running down our cheeks and cheered for Josh with more pride than if we’d just cured cancer. Suddenly, everything else became irrelevant and we were able to focus on the reason we were there in the first place.

That’s when it occurred to me that we put up with all the other stuff in life because we know that, when push comes to shove, we have a group of people who would do anything for us. The Jones family certainly isn’t perfect, we are a blend of half’s, step’s, and blurred lines that would make our family tree more of a spider web than anything remotely linear, but we have the one ingredient that supersedes everything else. We have unwavering, unconditional love for each other.

Relationships, in general, are not about being perfect or never butting heads; they’re about knowing that, in spite of all the imperfections, the ego, pride, mistakes, and hurt feelings, no one is going anywhere. My family certainly has our flaws, but when it’s time to rally, the Jones crew is willing to weather any storm because we know all hands will be on deck and if we lose someone overboard, you better believe we aren’t leaving that man behind.

Because, at the end of the day, relationships are messy, dramatic and, at times, can make you want to commit a homicide, but my goodness they are worth it when you’re sick and need someone to bring you soup and crackers. The people who can push your buttons like no one else are the same people who can cheer you up during life’s greatest disappointments and believe in you when it seems like everyone in world has turned their backs on you.

Regardless of who I “grow up to be,” of what contributions I leave this world (big or small) and despite what mistakes I’m sure to make, the foundation of who I am and my self worth remains unaffected because it’s made of unbreakable titanium: my family.

While I enjoy the uninterrupted sleep, the simplicity of my own schedule and the peacefulness of my beautiful apartment, I wouldn’t trade a minute of Jones drama – for they are and always will be the best part of who I am. Thank you, family, for an incredible weekend and reminding me of what really matters in life, something easily forgotten here in La La Land.

alexis jones, college, communication, conflict, family, graduation, love, minnesota, schedule Hide

For many of us, when we’re 21, we are looking forward to celebrating and partying away our final year of college before we head out into the real world. We’re focused on our futures and enjoying the present.  But imagine that your life had been exactly how it had until you were 21, at which point you were shocked to discover you were pregnant. You have one more year of school to go. One more year to the real world and, suddenly, the real world is here and it’s surreal.

This is the story of Elizabeth Williams after she turned 21 and was staring down her senior year at University of Northern Colorado. The decisions she’d hoped to be dealing with at that time, weren’t quite as important as she now had to plan around a future that included someone else’s future, too. Elizabeth, pregnant through her senior year, would graduate and give birth in June to a beautiful little boy.

Now, five years later, Elizabeth and her son, Micah, lead a very full life. Elizabeth determined to live out her dreams, which now include her son, completed an online Masters degree in 2007 and works as a Children’s librarian in the Denver area.  She wouldn’t have it any other way. As a single mom, Elizabeth often appears to be running around crazy, and may sometimes even feel she is, but deep within knows she’s got a grip on her life, help from her nearby family, and the love of her life sleeping in the room next to hers.

Surely, it wasn’t her original plan. When she’d figured out her future, she’d expected it to include a strong man before any little man came along.  But things turned out differently for Elizabeth and she adapted to them. She embraces the way things are, loving and living in the moment – because, with a 5-year-old son, it’s hard to bank on predictability. There have been some curves in her road of life, but Elizabeth has used them to enjoy the breeze from a different angle and see the sun in a different way.

children, college, education, elizabeth williams, graduate, librarian, life's curves, pregnant, the plan, university of northern colorado Hide

No one I know jumps for joy at the thought of college admissions, but there are plenty I know who would give an arm and a leg to go back to their alma mater.  Aside from the social aspects (parties, friends and maybe some illicit activities that we won’t mention), college educates your mind and soul.  As someone who has been there –  trust me –  it’s one experience that you don’t want to miss. Unfortunately, there are those pesky little things called standardized tests in the way.  Not to worry; we’ve mapped out the basic facts about those annoying collegiate gatekeepers.

SAT –Scored on a 2400-point scale, the SAT tests critical reading, math, and writing. While the SAT supposedly assesses students’ analytical skills, we all know that standardized tests are less about your intellect and more about your ability to take standardized tests, which means…practice, practice, practice! The College Board publishes its own study guide, so get your practice tests from the test-makers themselves. Most students take the SAT in their junior or senior year of high school, so research tutors, classes and other prep books when it’s your time to shine.

ACT – Similar to the SAT, the ACT is a beast of its own. It spans a wider gamut of knowledge than the SAT covering English, reading, math and science. Each section is graded on a scale of 1 to 36, and your score is the average of those marks. Know that the ACT has an optional essay required by certain colleges – so read up on your fave school beforehand. Most universities accept either an ACT or SAT score, though the ACT is more popular in the South and the Midwest. But just in case, check which one your ideal college prefers so you can determine which test is better for you.

Already have a Bachelor’s degree but want more? Here’s the low down on graduate school admissions tests.

GRE – Think of the GRE as the SAT for grad school. Evaluating math, verbal and writing, it’s the most general of the grad school exams. Note that the GRE is computer adaptive –  so not only is the test administered via computer, but the questions change in difficulty as you take the test depending on how many you’ve answered correctly. This format trips up test-takers, so get accustomed to it before you delve in on test day. Some courses of study require a GRE subject test; so even before you get into school, do your homework and find out what you need to complete.

GMAT – Have aspirations to start your own company? Then the GMAT is your hill to climb. This is the exam to get into that top-notch business school so you can rub elbows with other entrepreneurial minds. Also computer adaptive, the GMAT is your key to a MBA.

LSAT – If the Supreme Court or becoming a lawyer is your calling, brush up on your logic for the LSAT. Make sure that your reading comprehension, logical reasoning, and analytical skills are up to par since this exam tests your ability to argue your way in the courtroom.

MCAT – Planning to don surgical scrubs in the future? Study for the MCAT, stat! An extensive 5-hour test, the MCAT wracks your brain of its knowledge of biology and physics, as well as its capacity for verbal reasoning and essay writing. This one’s a doozy!

Study hard and good luck!

college, education, grad school Hide

It was Spring Semester of my freshman year at college and I was going on a date with Andrew, an older guy whom I’d met at a fraternity/sorority function. I waited anxiously in the lobby of my dorm, checking myself out in the mirror that lined the back wall, making sure that my hair was in place and my dress wasn’t on backwards. Andrew picked me up and we embarked on a magical evening of intimate glances over dinner, waves breaking on the sand, and a lingering goodnight kiss when he finally delivered me back to my door.

The night had been perfect except for one thing – that’s not how it really happened. In truth, while I did meet Andrew at the fraternity/sorority function, I had also made out with him that night, and while he did pick me up at my dorm, he was twenty minutes late. When I got in the car he said something about how “awesome” the other night had been, and while the dinner was delicious, the conversation was far from thought provoking and the kiss goodnight was more of a full-on attack of the tongue.

Needless to say, that was the last time I went on a date with Andrew. What surprises me is that in all four years of college that was the last time I went on an actual date, period.

That’s not to say I didn’t have my fair share of flirty fun. Guys bought me drinks, but it wasn’t over dinner; I was taken on weekend getaways, but it was with twenty other “couples” and our “chariot” was a yellow school bus; guys asked me to dance at the local bars, but as a form of foreplay, setting the stage to boogie down between the sheets later that night. Looking back, courtship in college was well, a sinking vessel. In the world of dorm rooms, dining halls, TAs, and “Thirsty Thursdays,” has traditional romance fallen off the radar?

Maybe our antennae are simply tuned to a different channel. The idea of going to college with husband hunting on the brain is about as passé as the Partridges. The courtship rituals of our parents’ youths have evolved past recognition, so consider college as your chance to learn the new rules. It’s true that handwritten letters have been replaced by text messaging, and it’s likely that all stages of any relationships will be broadcast on Facebook. With love in a whole new ballpark, it’s no surprise that graduating unwed, unengaged, and even unattached, is the norm.

Now cynics, postpone your victory party – romance is not dead. Rather, the four years that were once used to find your husband are now the four years used to find yourself.  So don’t waste your time being disappointed that Prince Charming hasn’t ridden his white horse into your cafeteria hall. He’s out there somewhere but, for the time being, he’s probably boozing it up with his frat brothers, which gives you plenty of time to live it up with your girlfriends until he’s slept off his massive four-year hangover called college.

college, college life, courtship, dating, relationship, romance Hide

If you’re searching for college financing, whether for a BA, MA, etc., you may suffer giant stress headaches, erratic sleep and night sweats. Fear not. These are normal symptoms.  It all seems like an endless sea of boxes to check and forms to fill out and enough fine print to fill a bottomless pit.  I’d rather clean my toilet, scrub the grout between the tiles of my shower, or do anything other than reading the dry repetitive material about student loans and scholarships.

I asked myself how on earth a high school student is supposed to navigate these rocky waters and make wise financial decisions that will affect them for the next 15-20 years of their lives. How are teenagers supposed to wrap their minds around loans and interest rates on tens of thousands of dollars when they’ve never had anything other than a minimum wage job? It seems socially irresponsible to be merrily waving the next generation down the drain of debt.

I sound depressingly pessimistic; I know. That’s how I felt when I first googled the word “scholarship” and started sifting through the search results. I left a message for my editor, ready to cry “uncle!” The websites seemed so interested in gathering information about me that I was certain they would sell my name to every mailing list imaginable. They were difficult to navigate and reduced me to describing myself in means of ethnicities and grade point averages. I was frustrated and discouraged by the fact that I didn’t seem to possess any qualities worth receiving money as each search offered alarmingly slim leads.

Before my editor called me back and before I officially threw in the towel, a divine beam of light shone down on me. I came upon www.scholarshiphelp.org. I swear the angels started singing as I gleaned a brand new understanding of grants, financial aid, and scholarships written in a comprehensible way and on a website that is simple to navigate. This is where you should begin your search in order to help you understand the basics and beyond. (They are willing to guide you in everything from searching for schools to writing your essays.)

What this experience illuminated for me was that this is not a topic meant to fit into a 500 word article. Rather, this is the gigantic elephant in the room that every student is ignoring because it happens to be a very boring elephant. Unfortunately, it’s also a very important elephant so we all better get used to its monotonous voice and confusing legal terms and figure out how to be friends. I’m pledging to you, readers, to tackle this subject with you and address as many questions and concerns about this process as humanly possible. In other words, there is much more to come on this topic. (Thank goodness it is finally becoming more enjoyable than cleaning my toilet.)

If you have any tips, websites recommendations, questions, concerns, or just need to vent about how you don’t even want to go to college anymore because you can’t figure out how to pay for it, shoot me an email at Diane@iamthatgirl.com.

college, finances, financial aid, interst rates, loan, scholarship, school Hide

What can make you gain weight, get sick, and possibly even do better on finals? Stress! You’ve heard it, felt it, and said it before: “I’m so stressed out.” In college there are various factors that stress us out and unfortunately linger on during our academic lives. You’ve probably heard of all the ways to cope with stress effectively, but how often do you follow them yourself? Furthermore, what are you doing to yourself by not dealing with stress well? The answer may stress you more than you think.

Our bodies are designed to deal with stress; it is a natural part of life. When your body doesn’t deal with stress effectively and your stress continues without relief, it can lead to distress – the negative form of stress. Distress affects us much differently than regular stress. Your body’s energy is drained and your immune system can weaken significantly. This can cause headaches, upset stomach, elevated blood pressure, chest pain, difficulty sleeping, moodiness and weight gain. Distress can also worsen symptoms or diseases that you are predisposed to.

Turning to unhealthy remedies for stress can be dangerous. College students, for example, often rely on parties, alcohol, drugs or tobacco as a form of stress management. Such tactics actually make things worse. Even though alcohol is a depressant, it disturbs sleep and proper functioning – both of which lead to increased stress. Such practices may cause addiction and serious, even life threatening, illness.

Now that I’ve totally stressed you out, what can you do to combat negative stress? The best way is to do whatever possible to prevent it. Examine your life to determine what areas stress you most and what you can do to improve those situations. But not all stress can be avoided. Incorporating some form of meditation has proven beneficial, as has deep breathing, healthy eating, moderate daily activity, good relationships with friends and family and an overall positive attitude. Find what works for you – something that you can enjoy and adhere to long-term. If stress is overwhelming you, professional counseling is a great option. As for me, with the stress of college finals coming up, I plan to take a yoga class instead of going out partying and will hit up a healthy, yummy salad instead of Ben & Jerry’s. It doesn’t sound easy, but it sure sounds worth it!

Learn more about Stress Health from Web MD.

college, distress, finals, health, stress, stress symptoms, stressed out Hide

Before college move-in day, I fretted over the countless roommate horror stories I’d heard: the slob whose stuff clutters the floor, the stiff who demands total silence in the room, the raging drunk who stumbles back after a long night, vomiting and reeking of alcohol, the early riser, the sexile-r. Even though a trusted friend had set up my roommate, Jenny, and me, I couldn’t help worrying that I was essentially buckling down for the year, temporarily tying the knot with a Five Towns girl. And that’s when the panic struck. What did I really know about this person? Are we compatible? Can we accommodate each other’s bizarre habits, annoying behavior, pet peeves, wants and needs? Was I ready to compromise my lifestyle to share a tiny bedroom and bathroom with another human being?

She turned out to be my closest friend at NYU.  No, Jenny and I didn’t share identical routines, likes and dislikes. We each had our mood swings and occasional outbursts. Overall, though, we were able to talk to each other and give each other space.

Prior to meeting Jenny, I probably had even more trepidation than the other freshmen as she was not my first roommate. I learned my lesson the hard way with Hannah, a roommate I had while taking a year off before college. She and I tried to be accommodating without stating our pet peeves and habits until they were exacerbated to the point of disaster.

Hannah and I clashed multiple times that year and we were usually both at fault. She once called me into the kitchen to point out a blue speck on the counter. “It’s been there for three days already!” she said. “Oh. Why didn’t you wipe it off?” I asked. To which she screamed, “Because I wanted to see if you noticed!” I had noticed. But I wasn’t prepared to adjust to the high standards of a fastidiously clean partner. Our climactic blowout was over a fish entrée I cooked that stunk up the room. We didn’t give each other enough space and often felt suffocated by the forced proximity of our living situation.

I learned, though, that as long as some basic rules are established in the beginning, accommodations and compromises can be made. It is incredibly rare that two people have all the same qualities and habits. Your roommate won’t be so selfish as to deny all of your requests as long as you accept some of hers.  But these should be established very early on in the year, before any clashes. Make sure that you and your roommate can have an open dialogue and decide on some reasonable compromises within the first few weeks. I realize that this discussion may be a bit uncomfortable, especially when you’re just meeting your new roommate for the first time. However, the consequences of delaying or neglecting the conversation may be much worse. You don’t need a roommate to gossip with; you need a compatible living partner.

Some issues that should be addressed:
1.   Splitting Essentials: There are some things you may both want for the room, like hand soap, a rug, or a refrigerator. If you both agree, you should split the price for the purchase, unless you’d like to keep the item at the end of the year.
2.   Noise Level: Some people can tolerate music or phone-talking while studying. Others can’t. Be considerate. Headphones are essential.
3.   Guest Policy: Situations may vary for male vs. female. Don’t be ambiguous when covering this topic.
4.   Waking/Sleeping Time: There are courteous ways to accommodate a sleeping roommate, especially light sleepers- be quiet.
5.   Capacity for Messiness: Some people draw the line at rotting apple cores carelessly tossed on the floor while others cringe at messy beds. I personally believe that as long as the other person’s mess doesn’t infringe on your personal or shared space and won’t disrupt your normal routine, it is worthwhile to disregard personal preference.
6.   Cordiality: You don’t need to share your secrets or even befriend your roommate, but a certain level of civility should be maintained. At the end of the day you can’t hide from the person who lives in your room, despite trying efforts.

I got it right the second time around. Jenny and I were able to negotiate our issues within the first week and we ended up having an amazing year together. I tried to suppress my slovenly habits and clean the bathroom from time to time while she watched television shows with her headphones on and used the phone in the hallway when I was studying or writing a paper. We tried to meet halfway. And it worked.

apartment, college, dorm, habits, lifestyle, living, rent, roommate Hide