By: Laura Bishop, Guest Contributor
I was talking with a girlfriend the other day about my “singleness” when she asked me what I was looking for. I answered with this: “something spectacular.” In response, I was told I’m too much of a romantic, and that that’s my problem. Problem? I didn’t realize being single was a problem. I look at it as a choice. Someone dear to me once said, when choosing a partner, imagine whether or not you can see yourself having a conversation with them in 20 years. Boom! There it is. I haven’t YET met that person who I see myself sharing secrets, or jokes, triumphs and tribulations with 20 plus years from now.
Throughout the years, I have been asked numerous times, why are you single? How come you’re not settling down, when will you give me grandchildren, etc. I would be lying if I said these questions didn’t hurt on some level. But what I’ve come to realize, and ultimately accept is that it’s my life, and I’ll settle down when I’m good and ready.
Sure, there are times when having a partner would be ideal. Like having a plus one for social events, someone to rub your head when you’re tired, or being greeted at the door after a long hard day at work with a kiss. But my life is full, and with the exception of the above-mentioned perks, I am happy. I am successful in my career, have a home, good friends and a busy social life. But most importantly, I have the freedom to cultivate a relationship with myself first. Finding a partner isn’t about fulfilling some expectation placed upon me by a cultural belief that profits millions of dollars a year on weddings. It’s feeling good about myself and confident in who I am as an individual before opening up my heart to another person. My focus in life is to feel proud of what I accomplish, of who I am, how I show up for my friends and family, and how hard I love the people I surround myself with. It’s not about being defined by whether or not I’m in a relationship, engaged, married, or a parent.
I believe in love…“crazy, messy, sweaty love.” And I believe there’s an amazing human being out there for me. However, when the time is right, I will meet that person. I refuse to settle simply because my age tells me it’s time to find someone to marry and have children with. Life isn’t about following a timetable. It’s about pursuing your goals and aspirations, having BEAUTIFUL experiences, and trusting in the process. Until then, I’ll remain open to the possibility of love and continue to shine on my own!
What do you think of committing to yourself and your life before opening them up to someone else? Why is it important to love and accept and be happy with yourself before getting into a relationship? Share your thoughts here!
Laura is a Bay Area native, with a master’s degree in counseling/psychology. She loves helping others become the best versions of themselves. When she’s not working with clients, she can be found spending time with friends and family (especially her little goddaughter), practicing yoga, hiking, and baking cupcakes. She considers it an honor and a privilege to share her voice with the IATG community.
image via letsgraph.com