By Dana Zillgitt, Regular ContributorNovember 8, 2015
image via loveulovelife.blogspot.com
I took a huge leap of faith moving to Chicago. I loved the company, I loved the message, and I loved the possibility of it all; something new, something fresh. After all, Chicago had something called seasons (an inner California girl’s dream). Just think of all the possibilities a flick of the wind could provide. I just wasn’t sure how my stress levels would handle the fast pace of the job description, but I’ve always been game for a challenge. And, as an old manager once said, if you never ask, the answer is always no.
But in the past month or so, I discovered it wasn’t a fit. Something in my gut knew the learning curve was not in my favour or in my corner. I knew something was up, and it wasn’t just a newbie rookie kind of thing. I was actually failing. It was a new feeling for me, and I didn’t have the words to articulate that jolt of insecurity in my gut.
A whole whirlwind of negativity started swarming inside me, and I didn’t like it.
Now, fast forward past the mellow dramatics of that last paragraph and stop once you hit Monday morning. I was taken aside and let go from a company I was head over heels for. In the long run, I know this is for the best, not only for me, but for the company as well. I wasn’t doing the job I was hired to do, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to perform it at a level I’d feel proud of.
I’ve always strived myself being honest, on being prideful, and standing behind every action I put forth. Which is why, though I’m a hot mess of phone booth emotions right now, I know I’ll harbour no hard feelings. But it’s still terrifying to not have a backup plan or a real sense of self. I like working. I like paying my own bills and taking care of myself first, which makes this whole scenario even scarier.
But the one thing that’s getting me through? I made a tough decision for my own mental health.
I made a choice, because I knew my inner stamina was being compromised at a rate I couldn’t be satisfied with and it was reflecting in my work. So now what’s next?
I’d be lying if I said I had an answer for that question. But on the flipside, I’d also be lying if I didn’t feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can put my energy in something I feel like I’m growing in and like I’m contributing something more than just my great dance moves. Maybe this really is like the seasons. This California girl feels a slight chill at her back. Maybe it’s time to break out the uggs, a puff vest, and maybe even a holiday latte.
Here’s to the next hustle, the next great adventure.
I’m beyond thankful for the opportunities I’ve been afforded and the ones that I don’t even know about yet. Here’s to wallowing for a day and moving forward.
Have you ever experienced an unexpected change or major disappointment? How did you handle it? How did you move forward? Tell us below!
Dana has her BA in International Affairs & Spanish as well as a mild obsession with rescue animals and all things caffeinated. She’s mastered the art of the selfie, fort building, and even the sass battle. Plus, she can quote 95% of Anchorman and Zoolander.
Every girl is a work in progress. If you need more help, click here.