By: Natascha Jones, Guest Blogger
I have a friend/acquaintance who dresses in a particular way so that every time we’re at a social gathering, even just palling around a friend’s house, she somehow manages to have some major body part minimally covered, out and about for everyone to see. Sometimes it’s her breasts in a deep v-neck dress, sometimes it’s her butt in teeny tiny short shorts, and I can’t help but look at her and wonder: “Is that sexy? Should I be rethinking what makes me feel sexy?”
Is that still what sexuality is? Wearing skimpy clothing so that most of your assets are laid out for the entire room to see? I see men fall head over heels for this tactic but I feel like there’s nothing behind it, there’s no depth to what we’re putting out there.
Just because you’ve got it, should you really flaunt it?
I’m absolutely NOT a prude. I’ll talk about sex and love and relationships and relations all day long. I’d talk to my mom about sex if she’d let me, but something seems really inauthentic about someone wanting to be seen in one way, but publicly behaving in another way. My friend likes to leave nothing to the imagination, but she shuns talking about sex and acts as though she has never been kissed. Does this send mixed messages? Then again what does this all mean? If I do care about how to categorize my friend: fake prude or full of pride, is this just one more way we are “hating” on each other instead of loving our differences?
Miley Cyrus twerked her perky 20-year-old butt in Robin Thicke’s crotch in front of millions of people on MTV, but she was also engaged to be married, and let’s not forget Mr. Thicke is still married to his high school sweetheart. While I don’t believe that this performance was sexy at all I don’t think my opinion makes me prude. But how is this same show affecting a 15-year-old girl who is deciding what it means to be feminine, attractive and sexy?
I don’t own a TV, buy gossip magazines, or hang out in Hollywood, but I am not safe from inauthentic sexuality. It’s become a strong enough influence that I sometimes find myself reconsidering what to wear when I do go out with friends. Should my outfit be shorter? Should I show more of my chest? High heels? Something tighter? Like I said before, I’m not a “prude” but this is not how I express my sexuality. To be honest I favor a more androgynous style over low-cut, high-cut, or tight. I prefer a sexy conversation over a blatant bend at the waist.
So where do we, as a world of females feel safe in sexuality? Is it normal to gravitate toward Miley’s foam finger gyrations? Or do we find inspiration from the soulful intimacy of Lorde and Lana’s lyrics? Which is more “sexy”: stripping down to your combat boots and licking a hammer or belting your vulnerabilities through a song that came from your heart?
I do believe we have a responsibility to make that paradigm shift and to hold each other at a higher standard of authenticity and integrity than we ever have before. But ultimately in the end I ask myself a final question: what if I didn’t care how my friend expressed herself, and I supported her and her decisions, even if I didn’t agree with them?
While she would have to inform you that her “day” job is in esthetics and makeup artistry, Natascha truly spends her days in sunny Venice Beach laughing with her friends, riding her bike, and telling grandiose stories encouraging others to laugh, cry or think. She is passionate about her efforts to live life fully and push her comfort zone, which is why she spills her guts to you and she hopes you’ll still love her.
Featured image via telegraph.co.uk