By Jen Fine, IATG ContributorMarch 1, 2016
In the past two weeks alone, I have heard some rendition of the term “nice guys always lose” more times than I care to admit. Specifically, I’ve heard a few male individuals actually say this out loud to their female counterparts after not getting the responses they had hoped for in regards to their advances/pick up lines. While there might be a little truth to this statement--the general conception that nice guys are usually the ones who end up being the best husbands and fathers, but not necessarily the first choice for an exciting summer fling--I refuse to accept this as a default excuse given by boys when they feel rejected or scorned by a girl.
After taking some time to dig deep into my thoughts about the idea that guys who generally consider themselves to be nice often believe that they are destined to be last on the totem pole, I decided to do some research. Following my conversations with some of the best guys I know, the ones who I truly respect and confide in, I was genuinely surprised to find out that so many of them have actually thought about this topic prior to my asking for insight.
Of the twenty-something responses I gathered, it became apparent that not one of those individuals lacked an opinion on the statement “nice guys always lose.” While some responded by simply saying how true they thought it was, others responded with comments like, “that’s the most pathetic thing a guy could say to a girl” or “nice isn’t necessarily sexy or fun and that’s why they come up short.”
What I want to say to guys who feel it’s appropriate to face rejection with pulling out the “nice guys always lose” card rather than with grace and dignity is this: You’re not losing because you’re nice, you’re losing because you’re the kind of person who says he’s nice and says he’s losing. If every girl who felt unloved or unsought after said, “girls who aren’t easy finish last” your response would probably involve the words “you’re” and “crazy.”
Ultimately, you really aren’t such a nice guy if you’re looking for something in return based solely on the notion of “being nice.” As humans, we are all made up of more than just one specific characteristic. Nice is not synonymous with over-eager, clingy, or unaware of how a girl feels toward you, which could easily be the traits that turn a girl off in the first place. Nice is synonymous with being cordial, respectful, with having integrity and even chivalry. A pity party for yourself based off of some desperate attempt to get a girl to sleep with you or accept your first date offer is the opposite of attractive and will most likely tarnish your appeal among the opposite sex after she tells all of her friends just how “nice” you really are.
By telling a girl you believe you are a “nice” guy, you will not increase the likelihood that they give in to your every wish and command, but rather just the opposite. Instead, tell them you’re sorry it’s not going to work out and you wish them all the best and see how much farther that will get you in the long run. After all, if you feel compelled to tell me you’re a nice guy, you’re most likely insecure and that, my (“nice”) friend, is quite the turn off.
What do you think about the notion of “nice” as a negative for guys and girls? Was there a time when “nice” was a super power or major point of attraction for you and what has this taught you? What do your guy friends think? Have some conversation and tell us more.
Jen is currently a junior majoring in Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She enjoys all things sarcastic, obsessing over the New York Rangers, and is a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee fanatic. When she’s not singing in the shower, writing her feelings, or dishing out life advice to her friends, you can catch her lying around watching One Tree Hill for the third time. Feel free to check out her personal blog at jenfine.wordpress.com for more!
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