By: Sherry Levine, Regular Contributor
When I mention the word “love” something special happens in everyone’s mind. Likely, you think about a past relationship, a person you’ve loved, or a person you wish loved you back. This yearning to be with someone, and be in love, is a feeling every single person on this earth feels. It is something we can all relate to, something we have all experienced and something that can cause us more pain than we ever thought we could feel. As a 26-year-old woman, I have experienced my fair share of love and heartbreak and everything in between. I want to share with you what I have learned on my journey to “find the one.”
1. I’ve realized the love you have once felt for someone will never go away. I will always love the person I knew when I loved them, even if they have changed, or I have changed, or it’s years away. There was a love for that person at that point, and I don’t think that ever goes away. “That me” loved “that person” at “that moment” and I think it’s nice to appreciate those feelings and appreciate how you felt, even if it is in the past. Take every experience in this life, whether a relationship or a past job or a crazy night, in and cherish them. Through the good, the bad and ugly remember, you are living!
2. Speaking from personal experience, it’s easy to fall back into thinking that you should be with an ex, ESPECIALLY, when you’ve been single for a bit. If or when you feel this way it’s really important to pick apart these feelings. It’s possible that in that strong urge to feel that way again, your feelings may trick you into thinking you want to be back with that person. However, just because you are thinking about an ex, doesn’t mean you want to be with THAT ex. You might just be reverting back to that ex because you’re lonely and that was the last time you felt happy. Missing someone specifically and being lonely are two completely different feelings that are often thought to be the same. Make sure you think really hard about why you are feeling this yearn for an ex. Do you really miss THAT person or do you just want to be in a relationship again? Are you just lonely?
3. Every relationship has its purpose. Whether heartbroken or heartbreaking, I feel each relationship we experience has an important lesson. If done right, we can learn so much about ourselves in every relationship and so much about what we need to be happy. It’s often hard to see the silver lining when going through a breakup, but eventually, if you look hard enough, it’s there. I think it’s important to reflect and talk to your friends about what you have learned or gained from a relationship, how you might want to be different in the next one, or why you should choose someone different. Gaining self-awareness is a good thing, ALWAYS, any way it happens. Be strong through those dark times. It’s easier said than done, but I promise you, with time, you will come out alive and better because of it.
4. Being single often has a negative connotation attached to it, but I’m all like, “YA I’m SINGLE!” Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely, especially if you love yourself! It’s important to be happy alone, to be happy with whom you are without anyone else, to love yourself in all it’s singledom. For it is when you finally feel happy with who you are on your own that you can be happy with someone else. People often make the mistake of thinking someone else will make them happy. But it doesn’t matter who you bring into your life if you’re not happy first. It’s a simple idea, but so often overlooked. It is only when you wrong all the rights in your own life, get everything lined up, and really feel at peace with where you are that you can finally see clearly and be able to let the right person in. As I get older and remain single, it’s easy to feel like there’s something wrong with me, but when this feeling comes along, I do my best to remember there is no cookie cutter way into love. I believe in love enough to know that when I’m READY and the time is RIGHT, it will happen, and no sooner.
About Sherry: I am Sherry Levine. A 26-year-old woman committed to supporting and inspiring women in any way I can. With my contributions to I AM THAT GIRL and my life-coaching program Generation Teen, designed to provide guidance to everyday teen girls, it is my mission to encourage and empower all woman to create the happiest and most fulfilling life possible.