By: Natascha Jones, Guest Blogger
I haven’t had a boyfriend since 2007. And that relationship only lasted six or eight months. Almost the entire time in the past seven years I’ve been wishing and hoping and pining for the man of my dreams, Prince Charming to come galloping down Abbot Kinney, throw open my front door, and proclaim his perfect love for me.
And then he did.
And then I broke up with him three weeks later.
This isn’t a case of “be careful what you wish for.” I don’t regret getting what I asked for, and I LITERALLY got what I asked for and then some. He was attractive, smart, got along with my friends very well, called me all the time, took me on amazing dates, brought me flowers, took me to dinner…everything. I felt completely secure, validated, even loved. So why would I break up with all of this??
Because it didn’t feel real. It was nice to be taken care of and to have someone tell you they have your back if anything happens and to feel not so alone in the world but something wasn’t adding up. Call it lust or codependence or “mommy issues” (rolling my eyes at myself), but his affections didn’t seem sustainable to me. Sure, right now while he’s “falling in love” he’s promising the world because it all feels great and fun and intense. But what would it be when all of that lust is gone and real life starts to apply? He told me had his life together but I was starting to see the giant cracks in his foundation. Even though the attention and affection were amazing and validating, I knew I had to walk away from the relationship. I had my heart broken a few years ago and I promised myself I would never fall in love again, I would stand in it. So with a lot of compassion and a bit of panic I told him I needed space.
I believe we should listen to our heart, our head, and our body. If something doesn’t feel right in the body, that shouldn’t be ignored, even if it means losing security, validation, a backup plan, money, a marriage, and a family. I knew this person would marry me and I knew he would have children with me but I knew this was not the guy for me. I’m almost 35 years old and I turned that down because I will not live in fear. Fear would make me think wild and crazy things like “marriage is what you’re supposed to do” and “if you wait too long you won’t be able to have kids” or “you’re going to be ‘the old mom’ if you don’t hurry up.” If I listened to fear then yes, I would be married and pregnant within the next 12 months, but that does not equal true inner happiness to me, which is what we should all be really striving for in my opinion – not a checklist of things that are supposed to make up happy like a house, job, marriage, and career.
I challenge you to stop and check in with yourself. Ask your body and your heart and your spirit “does this really feel good to me? Is it something I really want to do?” And if any part of you says no, I challenge you to be stronger than the fear of lack and to walk away. It won’t be easy, but the reward of listening to yourself is so much greater than what you think is supposed to make you happy.
What part of Natascha's story can you relate to? Have you had an experience where listening to your heart was key to your growth and happiness? Share your story here!
While she would have to inform you that her “day” job is in esthetics and makeup artistry, Natascha truly spends her days in sunny Venice Beach laughing with her friends, riding her bike, and telling grandiose stories encouraging others to laugh, cry or think. She is passionate about her efforts to live life fully and push her comfort zone, which is why she spills her guts to you and she hopes you’ll still love her.
image via indotopinfo.com