By: Ashley Drummonds, Regular Contributor
It was Friday night and I had a pile of work to get done, however a group of friends were going out to a local spot for some Friday night fun. I figured I had worked hard all week so why the hell not? I shut off my work mind for the day and decided to just go out and relax. It felt awesome outside. I hung out with great friends and danced the night away. Somewhere around midnight, someone had the great idea to get some late night pizza a couple stops down and I was all for it and jumped on the opportunity. The pizza was fresh, oozing with cheese and amazing to my taste buds; I enjoyed every bite. Somewhere around 2 am we decided to call it a night and headed home feeling so glad that I decided to go out for some fun.
The next morning, I woke up and was ready to start my day with a hot shower, and as I was about to hop in the shower I stood in front of the mirror thinking about the junk food I ate last night.
“Ugh I can’t believe I let myself eat that pizza that was so greasy and so unhealthy. Look at my thighs! I know I completely screwed up all my hard work and now this week I’ll need to do extra cardio and Lord knows my jeans aren’t going to fit. Maybe I’ll just start now and go for a long run with some fasted cardio. Eww look at the bags under my eyes and how bad my face is breaking out! I am a hot mess today!”
I jumped in the shower, less than pleased with my appearance. I was in a sour mood the entire day simply because my confidence was shot. I was disappointed in myself for going out and eating that late night junk food. When someone told me I looked pretty or was beautiful I immediately brushed off the compliment assuming they were just trying to be nice because I knew I looked like crap. Later that day, I overheard a girl talking down to herself about how she hated her hair, she wanted to lose 15lbs that month, she knew she would never be “that girl,” and my heart broke a little hearing her say those things. When I looked at her all I saw was a beautiful, young girl who had flawless skin and with perfect smooth hair. How in the world can I see that when she is just tearing herself apart?! Then I immediately felt a twinge inside myself wondering if I was doing the exact same thing. It’s as if we think pinpointing everything that is wrong with us will somehow teach us a lesson to not repeat a behavior or to eat junk food again or that it is not ok to love ourselves and to let go a little bit.
My whole life I have been trying to change my body and basically change my genes because in my mind I have/had this idea of what is perfect and my body is not it. I was on a journey for the rest of my life to fix every little thing and point out every little thing that I needed to change in order to fit that idea of perfect. That journey is never ending because your idea of perfect changes. People change and your emotions change. We end up in this vicious cycle of thinking we are almost there to the idea of perfect until someone better looking comes along then we have to step it up to reach that level of perfect. We lose a loved one or relationship so we are on a new journey to fit that other person’s idea of perfect. We see a new fitness model and think this is it, the new “perfect” body now how do we get there? Ask a stranger to describe you and I guarantee you their description of you will be different than your own.
What if we stopped thinking there was such a thing as a perfect body or girl and started believing that everything and everyone is perfect and exactly as it should be? What if part of your journey in life is not to change yourself into anyone, but simply to fully embrace who you are? What kind of freedom would that give you? Every time I write, I am telling myself this as you read this. Consider this: You are someone’s idea of perfect. How does that thought resonate with you? It is ok to have insecurities because we all have them, but love even the insecure parts of yourself. Self-love isn’t about loving yourself when you do and say all the right things; it is about loving every single part of you. Love your insecurities and it will be much easier to look past them.
It's called the perfection trap for a reason, but we can help each other hop those pitfalls to a path of self-love.
- The next time you're conscious of negative self-talk, stop for a second, apologize to yourself, and replace those negatives with smokin positives
- Where do you think the perfection quest comes from? What can we change to avoid it?
- Create your own definition of perfect based on real, attainable qualities.
I AM Ashley Drummonds. I am a health and fitness expert and use my own journey in fitness to empower women to embrace both their inner and outer strength through ABS (Authentic Beauty and Strength). I have a passion for connecting, educating, and helping women all over the world to build strong bodies, create healthy lifestyles, and fall in love with their own beautiful body! www.ashleydrummonds.com
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