Lessons In Heartbreak

By: Lauren Rodriguez, Guest BloggerNovember 27, 2015

content.jpg Image via upvenue.com

I thought heartbreak at 30 would be so different from the heartbreaks of my youth. I was so sure that this strong, independent female that I’d groomed over the years would be prepared for pain of any proportion. She wasn’t. The sting of the most recent and biggest betrayal of my life has cut me just as deep as the heartbreaks of my wonder years. I have to say, that I don’t think I handled this one any better than I handled previous heartbreaks.

When I was younger, I reacted to world shattering heartbreak a lot like this:    


This was usually followed by intense sobbing sessions, Mystic Pizza marathons (I think I’m showing my age here but every young woman should see this movie at least once), and junk food binges. This time wasn’t any different, I reacted exactly this same way, and I felt disappointed in myself. Where was my strength?! Where was all that independent woman fierceness that I’d
developed over the years of self-discovery and soul searching? I stayed in bed for days. I ignored my family and friends. I cried so much I emptied myself. I just completely shut down. Who was this weepy mess?

Even weepy messes are human, and being in that kind of pain means you have a heart, so after being mad at myself for being a weepy mess, I embraced my weepy messiness, and let myself feel every part of it.

Having your heart broken is actually a very grown-up kind of pain. When we’re young, I’m not sure we can fully process just how huge a blow it really is to be hurt by someone on an extreme level. I’m not belittling the heartbreaks of our youth here; I just think that as we gain more life experience, we come to have a deeper understanding of what being betrayed really means to us, which unfortunately means we feel it all so much more.

There was one difference with this adulthood heartbreak, though. I got really angry, and that anger unleashed a meanness I didn’t know resided in me. I closed up and I became really mean. I allowed the hurt to change me, and that part is something I have had to take responsibility for. After nearly a year of being at war with this pain, I am finally getting to a place where I am opening back up, and I am trying to forgive.  

I’ve chosen to forgive him for the pain he’s caused me, even though I can’t forget it, yet. I’ve chosen to forgive myself for letting the pain change me so much.  I’m only human, after all! This heartbreak has taught me above all else that we can’t completely protect ourselves from pain, but we can choose what we do with that pain.

Let’s Chat!

When you need to reach most for resilience and strength, what do you do? What does that look like? Tell us about it below!

About Lauren


I love soaking up new people and new experiences. I'm an artist, photographer, actress, and a dreamer. I usually write in run on sentences because I live a run on life!! I tend to be dramatic, impulsive, and I eat more Mexican food than any one person probably should! I love traveling and I almost always have my camera hanging off my shoulder!



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  • commented 2016-04-22 12:34:17 -0700
    Hi Gabrielle, I’m so sorry that you do! It’s such an awful thing to go through! It gets better though, it really does.
  • commented 2016-04-22 12:29:07 -0700
    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I know how you feel
  • commented 2015-11-30 08:15:38 -0800
    Jessica, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Being heartbroken is not easy, especially when we have a hand in breaking our own hearts! It sounds like you’re taking responsibility for your actions which is really the first step, and that takes so much strength.
    I know it’s hard not to feel down, but remember that you’re only human and it’s human to make mistakes. You shouldn’t be embarrassed. This is how we learn and grow. If you can find it in yourself to forgive yourself, that’s what’s most important. Once you do, you’ll be able to open up more to a new life and let some walls Come down. In time I am sure he will come to forgive you and you, him. Everyone takes their own path to forgiveness, and his just might be longer.
    All too often we forget to take care of ourselves, especially when we are going through experiences like this so remember that you’re worthy of love and joy. Cling to the people who love you, let them in, you have nothing to lose by accepting their support.
  • commented 2015-11-29 23:18:22 -0800
    I know this feeling all to we’ll right now. I want to move on. I also have others wanting to show me new life. But I’m still hurt and feel broken. This too changed how I dealt with the pain from another life. I never had acted like this from any other relationship i had been in, i cpuldnt even control my feeling. I got angry,hurt,shocked by the truth that he may have never loved me. I got to the point to were my life didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I’m now finally getting to the point to why I lashed out like that. It was all just let down disappointedment. I didn’t know how to deal with just know the person u put your last two years into wouldn’t be ther for me at my worse. Knowing if I didnt have money,hope,positivity, happiness,love,encouragement that he would walk away. I know I didn’t help and want to take full responsibility for my uncontrollable actions and pain.I completely lost control. I didn’t know how to back away and ask for help from other. My brain couldn’t understand that it’s possible for the person u care about just couldn’t be there for me in my break down. So I feel weak,embarrassed, broken,sad,not good enough. I want to move on, even get closure. So I can truly move on and let the wonder guy trying to presume me now, let him in. I don’t know why I still feel like he may at least give me chance to understand that I’m sorry for my action. And want to forgive and hope he could do the same. Don’t even need to be friends just knowing that the forgiveness is there, is good enough for me. But I’m left with how? Not the why, because know the why at the end because I couldn’t control my feeling. But why just two months just walk away. I know it prolong longer, but if I let it happen it would been just two month gone. I just seem so sad inside but holding it together on out side.

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