Left Out to Be “In?” Let’s Do Better!

By: Daniella Aryeh, IATG Contributor March 3, 2016

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Recently, so much has been changing in my life. I graduated grad school, started my first real job, moved out of my parents house, and started paying all of my own bills. The first few months of being out of my parents house, of being a full fledged adult, were terrifying. I would wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night with nerves; I just couldn’t calm down. The butterflies in my stomach, the sweating, the feeling as if I was going to throw up, no matter what I did, it seemed as if this feeling would never go away.

 

The one thing that I seemed to have going for me was the fact that I moved into a community where I had a group of close girl friends. While I don’t live in their exact apartment building, I only live four blocks away, and I thought that I would have people to rely on when things got tough.

 

And for a while I did. Until I realized I wasn’t so sure about those friendships anymore.

 

As I began to settle into the routine of my new life, my friendships started to change. The girls I once thought of as my best friends started to become incredibly cliquey, and I found myself on the outside. They began telling me that they don’t invite me over much, because I live “too far.” Who knew that four blocks was considered far?

 

More often than not, we’d like to believe that we grow out of our catty middle school days, that people will no longer bully, that we’ll accept each other. Unfortunately, I’m finding that to be less and less the case. People still need to feel like they are in the “in crowd,” and, sadly, this means that they need to leave someone out. Without someone on the outskirts, without someone not knowing what’s happening, there can be no “in crowd.” And sadly, it seems like some people will never grow out of it. And it breaks my heart, because those leaving me out, are the ones who I considered my best friends.

 

We all handle bullying differently. Some absorb the shock silently and internally, some are outspoken and fiery, while others fall somewhere in the middle. Regardless, the challenge here is to be more aware of the current lack of compassion threatening our society.

 

Only when we have the selflessness, tolerance, and courage to love people as they are, will we see bullies retract those claws and replace insensitivity, aggression, and insecurity with unconditional love.

 

In the meantime, try to find those who you can count on for real, those who will accept you for all that you are, and not leave you out. I know I’m trying once again to find those people. May we all be a little nicer today in the hopes that, over time, we're collectively able to leave this world better than we found it.

 

Let’s Chat!

Ever feel on the outs of the “in crowd”? Chances are everyone has! Invite someone into your “in crowd” today; call up an old friend, take a gal pal to coffee, or spark a conversation with a stranger. A little kindness can go a long way!

 


About Daniella

DANIELLA_ARYEH_writer_bio(1).jpgDaniella is completing her master’s degree in speech-language pathology. She loves traveling, meeting new people, hanging on the beach, and reading anything she can get her hands on. She is obsessed with country music and constantly quoting Friends and One Tree Hill.

 

Every girl is a work in progress. If you need more help, click here.

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  • commented 2016-04-22 09:52:13 -0700
    I know exactly how this feels having been excluded from different cliques of women. Sometimes you will never know the real reason but the truth is we live in a society that pits women against each other. It’s not about leaving someone out it’s about following. One person spreads a rumor or talks badly and the rest of the herd follows. But you aren’t a part of the herd and at some point these types of people may wake up and see they aren’t living for themselves but for a clique mentality. You are better then that (they are better then that). Sometimes women never realize they are conforming.
  • commented 2016-03-06 15:36:02 -0800
    This article I can relate to quite a bit. I am currently stuck in a situation where my roommates make me feel uncomfortable and unwanted. After high school I thought things would be different but I guess not. There are still those girls and guys who still believe in that “in-crowd” type of society. I do my best to put our differences aside even when they test my patients, but at my moments of weakness it really hits me hard, the things they do. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this and that there are ways to make it better. Now it’s time for me to find those who really do care about my being and that I can truly rely on.
  • commented 2016-03-04 17:49:24 -0800
    Loved this article have been there many times from my teen to now adult life. I am a generally talkative and very energetic person so sometimes I think my big personality turns people off or scares them in so way. Not really sure why. I am a single mom of 2 boys so my time is precious. As the years have gone on my group of friends has gotten smaller and smaller. I have never really been the clicky type of girl. I am generally friendly with everyone. I have always been the type of person that wants people to like me and doesn’t understand when they don’t. I have realized though at this point in my life if you want to be a part of my life you will if you don’t then oh well to you your missing out. I try not to let the other things bother me from time to time they still do, but I know that I can not control it and no point in feeding into it. I think there will always be this type of “in crowd” feeling and thoughs that will feel like there on the outside. Unfortunately this is how our society is but the important thing that we all need to learn is to try and not let it bother us. To surround ourselves with people that want to be part of “our crowd” and that respect us as women and people who want to be part of our lives.
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