Kick the When/Then Syndrome

By: Angela McNally, Regular Contributor

We are all guilty of it. It rules the way so many of us live our lives and how we gage our own happiness or worthiness to be happy.

 I call it the When/Then Syndrome.

 When I am thin, then I will be happy.

 When I make more money, then I will be happy.

 When I get a boyfriend, then I will be happy.

 When I that job everyone would envy, then I will be happy.

 You get the picture.

So many of us tell ourselves our worthiness depends on achieving the next best thing. But it’s a vicious cycle, because the more you attain, the more pressure grows and a whole new set of When/Then’s enter the picture.

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 I am all for setting goals and growing, but the first step to real happiness is to love yourself now, as is.

 When I love myself for exactly who I am, then I will be happy.

 And it truly works.

I once set many goals for myself based on who I thought I wanted to be, not who I was. And you know what? I achieved most of them. I worked hard and achieved.

But when I arrived on the doorstep of all the things I had dreamed up because I was disliking the real me, I ended up being someone that I wasn’t at all.

It was unattainable for me to continue living the life of someone I wasn’t inside. I was busy disliking myself and trying to be the next best person, thinking that would bring me happiness. Instead it brought the self-hate mode on even further, as I had no idea who I really was. A new set of When/Then’s would only push me further into the discomfort.

After a lot of healing and unlearning bad habits around food, finances, and what I put out into the world through my business, I decided to focus only on loving myself.

Seriously, I took a step back from life in almost all areas and just focused on what made me happy at the core. Maintaining healthy relationships, surrounding myself with people who empowered my dreams, letting go of obsessive thoughts around food, falling in love with managing my money, and, in truth, having a lot more fun than I had been when I was wasting my energy trying to reach any list of When’s.

Most of all, I fell back in love with the real me: the version of myself that makes me feel the best inside, my most authentic and worthy of happiness self. Now I have lots of personal goals, not to validate myself, but to put out into this world the best possible me and hope it inspires others to love themselves too!

 About Angela

mcNally.jpgAngela McNally is a Registered Holistic Nutritionist and Self-Love Coach from Toronto, ON. She loves green juice, gourmet food, writing and yoga. Her mission is to eliminate ‘the diet’ and reignite health through self-love in women. Angela is the founder of Eating Pretty Nutrition and is excited to release her coaching website (AngelaMcNally.com) in spring of 2014.

 

 

 

Featured image via 110pounds.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • commented 2014-03-01 09:54:24 -0800
    Angela,
    Thank you for this great post! I am in a time of my life where a big goal of mine is coming to an end, and now I am seeing all of the areas of my life I neglected in order to attain that goal. It is disheartening to still see so much that needs to be done and still be happy that you’ve conquered a goal. It is so important to not let go of the events or experiences in life that make us happiest. Thanks for the reminder =)

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