Just Friends?


In the beginning of the film When Harry Met Sally, Harry postulates that no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive because he always wants to have sex with her. One can also reverse the idea stating that no woman can solely be friends with a man she finds attractive. Are these theories really true? Is a genuine friendship "doomed," as Harry puts it, if attraction is at the inception of the friendship? If that attraction leads the friends to indulge in some post-pinot noir coitus, will that flatline the friendship? I believe most times sexual shenanigans among friends do ruin things, but perhaps it shouldn't.

I’ve given enough advice to friends, both male and female, to know that 99% of the time people that think they’re friends, aren’t just friends. The guy is attracted to the girl or the girl is attracted to the guy or both are attracted to each other. It just usually takes a bunch of years and "Auld Lang Syne" playing in the background to realize it. Unfortunately, hormones don’t have an on/off switch and a guy’s hormone functionality in particular is really out of whack. If you were to go through my phone and pick out 10 girl’s names, I’m most likely physically attracted to nine of those girls, well actually probably all of them. It doesn’t mean I’ve acted on it or will, it’s just the way I feel.

I think people can be friends and manage to never engage in sexual activity, but I think it's on one or both parties minds at one time or another. And if it is, isn't it better to just get that tension out of the way? Is it crazy to think friends can partake in sexual acts without the looming destruction of the friendship? I can honestly say I've had sexual relations with some female friends of mine and we're still friends today with one even evolving into the strongest friendship I've had with any girl. This is real evidence to suggest that it is possible for friends to make it out of the bedroom alive.

You can be sure of friendship death, however, if signs indicate that one friend will develop feelings while the other friend’s feelings stay platonic. So, be cautious of that. If two people are truly friends, the duo should be able to be rational about all of this. I’ve come to think the one-night stand is the worst of all options. It represents lack of responsibility and maturity. If two friends are attracted to each other, isn’t that the more respectable choice? Someone you know, appreciate, and love. Instead of guys and girls going out and looking for “no strings attached” scenarios, consider where your strings are already attached.

If you’ve been feeling a sexual chemistry for a friend, bring it up and see where it leads. Maybe it will lead to a beautiful relationship or cancel out lustful intentions. But only bring it up if you know the person receiving the information is mature enough to hear it and also only if you’re prepared for rejection. The idea that it’s forbidden for friends to discuss sex or act on attraction for one another is silly. I mean at the end of the day, shouldn’t you be able to talk to your friends about anything?

Images courtesy of Hellogiggles.com, Mnn.com 

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