Jumping Back In

By: Megan Wordsworth, IATG ContributorAugust 29, 2016

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I put off writing this post, because I was afraid. There, I said it. I was so afraid to write this month’s post, because I knew it would draw up feelings that I’ve stuffed away for far too long.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreamed of escaping my small town life in North Carolina to the fast pace lifestyle of NYC. I wanted to work as an intern in the entertainment industry. I would use my dream as a way to escape reality. It was always my motivation through everything life threw at me, especially when I was in the hospital recovering from my eating disorder.

But everything changed when my dream became my biggest fear. In August of 2015, I was offered an internship at Viacom in the heart of Times Square. However, my dream was short lived when two weeks later I discovered my grandmother had late stage ovarian cancer and only had months to live. My heart completely shattered. My grandmother was my biggest supporter; I couldn’t lose her, not now. The last thing I wanted to do was leave my biggest support system when she needed support the most.

Although I disagreed with her, she kept encouraging me to go and live out the dream for both of us. With much hesitation, I boarded the plane and set off on my most difficult journey yet. Throughout the whole semester, I faced severe depression, and when I got the call I feared all along, my grandmother had passed away, I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia twice and saw my overall health start to plummet,

After the funeral, I flew back to NYC to finish the internship I had started. By the time the semester was over, I was beyond ready to be “home sweet home.” I was so relieved to have survived such a dark period in my life.

I’ve never said it out loud, but my lifelong dream of living in NYC became my biggest fear.

I was so glad I finished the internship strong but was so fearful to ever go back, especially when I was offered an internship at NBCUniversal this past spring. While everyone was ecstatic for me, I was terrified. I wanted nothing more than to decline the offer. I had no desire to go back and endure everything I was still working on getting over.

My family was so supportive of whatever I wanted to do, but they knew, just as I knew, that I would regret it if I didn’t accept the offer. I accepted the offer and headed back to NYC; I was literally heading back into my biggest fear.

Fast-forward two months, and I’m so happy with my decision to return to NYC. While it hasn’t been any easier, it’s allowed me an opportunity to overcome my fear of the city. I feel like a full-fledged New Yorker. Even though I still get homesick, I know it’ll be short-lived. I still don’t know if I want to live here permanently, but I’m no longer fearful of it. Sometimes you have to face what you’re afraid of to remind yourself how strong you really are! Don’t ever let your fear stop you from accomplishing your dreams, and don’t think for a moment that the hard times you’ve faced mean you’ve failed. You only fail if you never try!

 

Let’s Chat!

Sometimes the things we are looking forward to the most, are also the things that we fears. We have to make sure these fear don't prevent us from chasing our dreams or working towards our goals. What fears prevent you from pursuing your passions and dream? What are you doing to overcome them?

 


About Megan:

Megan_Wordsworth.jpgMegan is a student in the Honors Communication program at the University of North Carolina in Wilmington. She is on a mission to spread positive body awareness. She has also worked as a background actor on the sets of Revenge, One Tree Hill, Under the Dome, Sleepy Hollow, and Nicholas Sparks’ The Longest Ride.  She spends her free time baking delicious gluten free treats and watching reruns of her favorite show, One Tree Hill.

 

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