By: Ashley Drummonds, Regular Contributor
I was having one of the worst weeks (emotionally) I have had in a long time. I felt off center, confused, lost, and alone. The thing is that I am actually usually alone and comfortable with it, but for some reason the disconnection from others bothered me deeply. I read, meditated, got in nature, put myself on the line, and still just felt like I was not connecting in spite of my efforts and desire to connect (Has this ever happened to you?). I am a people person and love connecting with other people’s journeys so when I am not connected or sharing my own journey with others I feel off balance and lost.
While the logical side of me understands that I am in a new place, growing every day and that the right people come in your life at the right time, the heart side of me was having an argument with life because I want all of those people now! In my deep want to be connected, I decided to reach out to a friend to express my hurt, frustrations, and disconnection knowing that I would be comforted and all would be fine. Plus, sometimes it is incredibly hard for me to admit when I feel weak and alone because I pride myself in being a strong and independent woman. I cried hard. I was unable to even talk because I had reached such a huge point of frustration; I did not know what else to do other than just cry while fully ready to be comforted and loved. Then there was silence. After silence, there was zero empathy or understanding and more of a process of analyzing where this friend tried to figure out the real problem, but my heart simply needed to be understood and loved in that moment.
Has that ever happened to you? You are falling apart and searching for answers and you reach the point to where you are tired and frustrated and can no longer hold back the tears as they come flooding forward. You want nothing more than someone just to share in the tears with you, to help comfort what you feel, and yet you get nothing. It is still JUST you in those feelings and in those tears. As this is happening, I reach a point where I can’t cry anymore and realize all I wanted was love in the moment and when I expressed that (literally) I did not get it.
Sometimes, not getting that love in return is the answer. Not getting that love in return, is when you find out how much love you have for yourself. Can you still love yourself when you can’t find it elsewhere? When you open your heart up to vulnerability and you don’t get the empathy you longed for, will your own love for yourself be enough? Honestly, sometimes I do not know. Sometimes I feel I can’t do things on my own. That is because we are not meant to go through life on our own. However, everyone is on their own path of learning self-love in its deepest form. Some days you will feel like a badass and fall head over heels, madly in love with the person you are and other days you will feel like you are completely alone and can’t remember how you had so much love for yourself when today feels a struggle to love at all. Then the questions arise in my mind…Can you still love yourself for not loving yourself today? When you seek love and connection will the love and connection for yourself be enough?
Just like in a relationship with others, love is not about loving only when you do right, on good days when things fall into place, or when you are conquering the world helping others. Loving yourself is in the good days and the bad. Just like you would love a child, a significant other, a parent or friend as they go through their journey on a bad day as much (if not more) as you would on a good day because it is unconditional. My lesson on this day, when I reached out for love and did not get it in return, was this: be as unconditional with your love for yourself as you are with your love for others and you will always have the love you desire.
What are some ways you can practice self-love and self-reliance?
- It's important to not only give yourself what you need, but to KNOW what you need. Sometimes it's not about solving the problem, but about simply feeling better, safe, loved, and heard. Think about what helps you when you're going through turbulent emotions and make sure you give that to yourself!
I AM Ashley Drummonds. I am a health and fitness expert and use my own journey in fitness to empower women to embrace both their inner and outer strength through ABS (Authentic Beauty and Strength). I have a passion for connecting, educating, and helping women all over the world to build strong bodies, create healthy lifestyles, and fall in love with their own beautiful body! www.ashleydrummonds.com
image via rastaneko.blog.fc2.com