I Won't Apologize for my Softness

By Marley Mayer, Regular ContributorNovember 27, 2015

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Sharp words slice my soul.

The vibes that swirl around a room are absorbed right through my skin.

I can sense the loneliness in another person’s eyes the second they walk into the room.

I cry at sad movies. I believe every word that people tell me. I invest my energy into people who don’t necessarily deserve it. I am as gullible as your three-year old cousin. I hurt when other people hurt. I love hard. I fall fast.

Unfortunately, sensitivity is often associated with fragility and weakness.

It is why I have spent most of my life trying to conceal this part of myself. I have tried to dull my emotions and bottle up my passions.

Society doesn’t always like “soft” people like me. They praise rough edges and strong outer shells. Indifference is often admired. Being closed off from your own emotions and the emotions of others is considered the highest form of power.

I have tried to be closed off. There are a million distractions in today’s world that I can look to. I can cloud my mind with social media, trashy TV shows, nights out on the town, bright lights, and mind-numbing small talk.

But the harder I try to suppress this fire, the more lost I feel. So I have decided to stop apologizing for my softness: my soft tears, my soft feelings, my soft tummy, my soft perspective.

I have decided to stop apologizing for it, because there is nothing to apologize for. I am not too much of anything, and neither are you.

There is no such thing as having too much passion, too much empathy, or too much openness.

So don’t underestimate me. I may feel the highs and lows of life with great fervor, but I am really good at riding life’s waves. I don’t turn to puddy the second I am touched. I am not some delicate flower. I don’t break.

I bend. I am fluid.

So don’t underestimate me. Your words might have the ability to change my shape, but never my volume. I might hurt easily, but I will always give love freely. No matter who you are, I will take some of your distress into my own heart in hopes of releasing some of your pain.

So please don’t underestimate me, or others like me. Don’t take advantage of our soft hearts. We are sturdier than we look and stronger than you think. It takes an abundance of courage to walk around the world like a sponge, soaking up both the lovely and the wicked.

From this day forward I will never apologize for my softness, and I hope you don’t either.

Let's chat!

Do you have a soft heart? Do you ever feel pressured to be hard instead? How do you maintain your softness? Tell us below!


About Marley

MARLEY_MAYER_writer_bio.jpgMarley lives in Madison, WI where she is studying to become a nurse at Edgewood College. She is passionate about travel, learning new things, and all things health related. You would most likely find her outside on an adventure, eating Mexican food, or blogging in a coffee shop. Marley is very excited to share her voice with IATG!  

 

Every girl is a work in progress. If you need more help, click here.

 

Showing 12 reactions

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  • commented 2015-12-03 11:01:07 -0800
    Marley, I love this! I was having this very conversation with my boyfriend the other day – he told me something along the lines of “It’s okay that you’re sweet and vulnerable. You keep the balance in the world. It’s why I love you.” And he’s right, the world needs both the tough and the tender. I must say, I laughed when I read your bio. It sounded very much like mine would – I’m taking my nursing school pre-reqs, love outdoor adventure and tacos, and spend my days typing away in various coffee shops (except I’m on the West Coast instead of the MidWest.) Anyway, I’m confident that having soft hearts is exactly what will make us great nurses : ) Good luck in your education and subsequent career search! Cheers, Laura
  • commented 2015-12-01 10:05:27 -0800
    Thank you all for your thoughtful comments! It is so enlightening to know that there are other women out there who can relate to some of the feelings I have felt since I was a little girl. This community continues to surprise me with there support and kindness!
  • commented 2015-11-30 21:19:03 -0800
    Great article! I can totally relate. Thank you for turning feelings into words.
  • commented 2015-11-30 17:43:48 -0800
    Wow, I loved every word. I was painfully shy growing up. I was always the sensitive girl. I’ve been told I am too empathetic. I have found through my empathetic heart I was able help a friend find out she had a brain tumor, Work with young children that have been traumatized, and many others things. Thank you for sharing.
  • commented 2015-11-30 14:04:52 -0800
    It’s as though I wrote this myself. Most of my life I’ve said all of this and more. I stopped apologizing long long ago & so at peace to hear there are others speaking the same language.~
  • commented 2015-11-30 13:05:23 -0800
    I am that girl! Always have been and could never understand why no one else felt the way I did. Always attracted to narcisistic souls, absorbing their issues and pain whilst hiding my own emotions……..Not any more. I’ve realised that my passion for life and my work is what keeps me going and channelling these emotions and my passion into my work and loved ones is what keeps me from becoming hardened and jaded. I will not hide any more……..and I will remain brave.
  • commented 2015-11-30 11:59:16 -0800
    “Sharp words slice my soul. The vibes that swirl around a room are absorbed right through my skin. I can sense the loneliness in another person’s eyes the second they walk into the room.” I am THAT girl!!! So thankful to see girls like you and others on this page understanding this about themselves. For many years, I was condemned by others for being “overly emotional”, including a forced psych hospitalization when I was 17. Alcohol was the only thing I found that helped. When that stopped working, I had to find a better way. It took me decades to learn what I see you beautiful young women expressing now. I applaud your courage and your hearts. Know that a fifty-nine year old girl in Virginia was brought to tears today in hearing her soul expressed by your bravery and truth.
  • followed this page 2015-11-30 10:39:57 -0800
  • commented 2015-11-30 10:35:08 -0800
    This is so perfect. People always tell me I should be harder, I should not care so much for others, I should not feel so much or rather hide my feelings so I won’t end up hurted like i sometimes do. But, well, I don’t mind. I don’t wanna be different. I prefer to be softer and open to other, to take the risk of being hurted. I’ve always know that feeling it all, and feeling it deep inside is a sign of braveness, ‘cause we’re are not avoiding pain. We’re embracing it as a human aspect that allows us to connect truely with others, to grow our capacity for empathy and, yes, love.
  • commented 2015-11-30 06:43:07 -0800
    So good, Marley! It reminds me of how blogger Glennon Melton answered the question, “Why do you cry so much?” She said, “For the same reason I laugh so often. Because I’m paying attention.”
  • commented 2015-11-30 06:32:53 -0800
    I love this Marley! This is something I was just talking with my fiance about yesterday. I have such a soft, sensitive heart and it’s something I’ve always hid away. I refuse to anymore, because that hurts me than it does anyone else! This was such a great post about how having a soft heart does not automatically mean you’re weak. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts, I love being apart of this wonderful community!
  • followed this page 2015-11-24 08:46:45 -0800

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