By: Megan Minutillo, Guest Blogger
There’s certain things that remind me of you. A song. A hotel. A restaurant.
A friend we both know + loved.
There’s things that remind me of you all the time.
A sound. A color. A simple gesture from the most unsuspecting soul.
Because, you see, once upon a time you were everywhere. You were everything. You were fused with every part of my being. Every part of my heart. Every part of my soul.
And now you’re not.
You’re not there anymore.
But here’s the thing…
When I hear that song, you’re still there. I see that hotel, and memories just come flooding back. I walk into the restaurant, and I remember our favorite dish. I see our common friend, and I try my hardest not to utter your name, but your name is there, hanging over our every word.
Cause here’s the thing.
I loved you once.
Fiercely. Madly. Unapologetically.
I loved you once.
I’d walk through fire for you. I’d be the person to ease your pain, calm your fears, be your champion.
I was the one who lifted you up. I was the coach in your corner. The partner by your side. I was your biggest cheerleader, your strongest champion. I was the one who wanted nothing but the moon + sun + stars for you.
That’s all I wanted.
I just wanted to be there, too.
But sometimes, when all the sparkly bits of the universe are wrapped up in another individual, there isn’t room for anyone else left to shine.
There isn’t room for any more sparkle.
There isn’t room for any more soul.
And so, you pushed me out. You kicked me aside like an old shoe. Like yesterday’s trash. You replaced me, with something less than my sparkle.
But, my love, my sweet, sweet love – my sparkle, my shine, my soul – even that is out of your reach. Even that is something you can’t touch. Even that is something that you cannot control.
Because I will shine.
Despite you trying to break me into bits…I will shine.
Scratch that – despite you breaking me into bits, I am shining. Growing. Doing. Being.
I’m spreading my wings, and giving my heart to those who treasure it. Appreciate it. Honor it. I’m doing my work and living and loving and you know what? Slowly but surely, my scars are healing.
Because despite the games that were played, the bruises that occurred, the scars that were caused – despite it all, I. Will. Heal.
Cause baby, even if you didn’t realize it…I am So. Worth. Loving.
Megan Minutillo is a playwright, director, and founder of the arts and education site, The Write Teacher(s). Her articles have appeared in HelloGiggles, So Worth Loving, I Am the Modern Career Girl, and Glass Heel. She is currently at work adapting her show, Ghosts in My Vodka, into a musical.
Featured image via deviantart.com