By: Brianne Hogan, Guest Blogger
I had a revelation last night while I was in the bathroom (where, funnily enough, happens to be the room where I receive many of my spiritual “aha” moments). I was brushing my teeth while imagining Oprah was interviewing me on her Super Soul Sunday, as I often do. This time Oprah was asking me about love and how I knew it was time to let myself receive long-lasting love (apparently I was married to a really lovely partner in this daydream).
I wasn’t totally taken aback why she, or, let’s be honest, my subconscious, was asking me about the four-letter word. This summer my heart has suffered more disappointments than it has in years, and recently I’ve been asking myself, “why?” What came to mind (as I was still picturing myself talking to Oprah) surprised me. I found myself explaining to Oprah (and, really, myself) that I had never thought I was ready for a committed relationship because my life has been in flux for a long time. To make a long story short, I’ve lived in four different cities over the last five years and have held just as many odd jobs. Now, working as a freelance writer, I’m always waiting on the next job to come. Some weeks are busier than others, while some can be preeetty slooooow. I’m also pursing a screenwriting career, which is basically just asking for a life of uncertainty and checks lost in the mail.
It dawned on me that the uncertain feelings I have regarding my career played into how I view my worthiness of a committed, blissed out, awesome relationship. Bottom line: I didn’t think I deserved one.
The question “why?” echoed back at me.
“Because,” I told myself, with toothpaste dripping out of my mouth. “I don’t have enough time or money or confidence or experience, or, or….Okay!” Spit. “Truthfully? I don’t think I’m enough.”
I’m not gonna lie – that was a tough blow. But the truth was staring right at me in the face in the bathroom mirror: my own face, the one I had second-guessed and short-changed for too long. But then I realized: I am enough. Just as I am, right here, right now, I imagined myself (this new Zen-like me) saying to Oprah. “And that’s when everything changed.” Um, eureka! Ding ding ding! I hit the nail on my own head.
I have everything I’ll ever need to live an abundantly beautiful life now: me. I don’t have to wait for anything to “happen” or wait to “become” something in order to attain a loving and prosperous existence, or relationship, because it’s already available to me. I have a lot to offer, including my fierce open heart and my passionate soul. I’m all I’ll ever be right now, and that’s more than enough. That’s plenty.
And this need not only apply to romantic relationships, no sirree. I am enough when it comes to my work, my friendships, my family, my spirituality and in my relationship with myself. I am enough. Period. And for those who don’t think so? Well, they can walk on by, baby.
I’m not sure why exactly this moment hit me the way it did and where it exactly came from, but I’d like to think there was a greater force at work (yes, even one bigger than Oprah) who wanted to say to me, “Enough is enough.” Besides, as Hollywood (and my daydream) has taught me anything, there will be a person who will like me…just as I am.
Do YOU know you're enough, tootsie pop? Maybe it's time you tell yourself. Head for some privacy with a mirror. Look at yourself in the eyes, smile, let yourself LOVE what you see and tell yourself in whatever words you want to use: "I'm enough, I'm worthy, I'm valued, I'm loved."
Brianne Hogan is a writer based in Toronto. Her instincts and love of adventure have led her to interesting jobs (grass cutter and wine seller, to name a few), as well long-terms stays in beautiful cities (New York City, Vancouver and Florence).