By Natascha Jones, Guest Blogger August 1, 2015
I bought that lip engorging apple-sucking thing a few months ago. After seeing Kylie Jenner’s amazing new/fake pout, I just had to have one. For less than $100 I could find out what it would be like to have my lips done. The device is called CandyLipz; it’s a temporary lip plumper with REAL results. It was a no-brainer.
A month before that, I had the opportunity to get hair extensions done with the keratin bonding system – basically the most “chic” way to have hair extensions. Around that same time I cashed in on a Botox birthday gift. Basically it was a giant moment of semi-permanent vanity. None of it would last forever, but it was everything I wanted: big lips, tons of hair, and a smooth forehead.
I thought I would walk out of the house with my big glossy lips and my thicker hair and smooth forehead and everyone would come running to the “prettier” me.
A part of me honestly thought that this appearance would give me everything I wanted: to be loved, validated, seen, desired, noticed, popular, etc. I thought I would be unstoppable, like a superhero version of myself. I thought I would walk out of the house with my big glossy lips and my thicker hair and smooth forehead and everyone would come running to the “prettier” me.
Actually that’s not true, a few things happened. The area around my lips bruised and turned blue from the suction of the CandyLipz, my hair was always in a bun on the top of my head because the hair extensions had to be properly blown out and styled every day – a routine I could not commit to.
image via cosbeauty.com.au
And the Botox, well to be honest, that was seriously amazing. My tension headaches were gone, I started wearing my vision glasses and sunglasses more because I couldn’t squint, I frowned/scowled less, and my frown lines disappeared.
Five months later I finally got the last bonded clump of hair out of my head. The Botox has worn off and I haven’t put that rubber apple to my mouth in forever. I had to cut five inches of off of my own hair because the hair extensions either ripped out or broke off almost 1/3 of my own hair. It was honestly a welcome change; I haven’t had short hair in 8 years.
No one came running. I didn’t miraculously get into the relationship I’ve always wanted. If anything, I shied away from guys because I didn’t want them to touch my hair and get their fingers stuck in one of the hair extension bonds.
In getting everything I wanted, I learned that I like me, as I was before.
I learned that when I inflated my lips, I didn’t look like…me anymore. My face wasn’t balanced, the lips were too big. And the hair wasn’t me either. It looked like string cheese and everyone could tell.
In getting everything I wanted, I learned that I like me, as I was before. I like me with my baby-fine hair and my small mouth. It even helped me to appreciate that bit of chub in between my thighs that will neeeeever ever go away, no matter how many sprints I run or how many protein shakes I drink. I do not have the thigh gap and I never will and that’s fine.
I feel like I dodged a bullet by experimenting with my looks with temporary procedures. I got the chance to go back to me, there are a lot of people who can’t go back.
No elective procedure or device or product can replace self-esteem. That is something that has to come from within and if you were raised without it, it’s something you have to learn on your own, like me. But it’s worth it. You can’t buy it, but it’s the most valuable.
Have you ever tried a semi-permanent beauty procedure? Did you end up liking the results or did you have a more similar experience to Natascha? Tell us below!
While she would have to inform you that her “day” job is in esthetics and makeup artistry, Natascha truly spends her days in sunny Venice Beach laughing with her friends, riding her bike, and telling grandiose stories encouraging others to laugh, cry or think. She is passionate about her efforts to live life fully and push her comfort zone, which is why she spills her guts to you and she hopes you’ll still love her.
Every girl is a work in progress. If you need more help, click here.