Finding Your Me After Losing Yourself in a We


Congratulations, you listened to your inner wisdom that told you there's something better for you. If you're wondering why you're not disco dancing through the daffodils just yet, I must confess, there is some fine print. The truth is that the key to creating a partnership full of love requires you to love yourself first.

It’s important to understand that we draw people into our lives of matching vibrational frequencies. While I’m sure there are aspects of your last relationship you’d never like to experience again, unless you change, you’ll encounter a very similar partner the next time around. They may have lighter hair, a different accent and cheer on another team, but as long as you are vibrating in the same way, you’re going to recreate the same emotions time and again.

In order to shift, you must find your "me" again. As women, we give so much up in relationships. We are often the ones who move, change our friends and adopt his vocabulary, opinions and political views. If you've done this, don't get down on yourself. Popular culture epitomizes this societal construct repeatedly with media stories portraying Jennifer Aniston as a sad, lonely figure despite her enormous success, while George Clooney is portrayed as a powerful, eligible bachelor free to date, smooch or screw anyone he pleases.

Whether we're conscious of it or not, we feel the heat from this societal pressure and gravitate toward guys for security. While in many ways this has been a survival technique for women, the reality is, you often forsake your authenticity with the illusion that compatibility will pave the way for a successful partnership. If you can relate to this, then at some point during your relationship you've betrayed yourself because you lost yourself in the pursuit of being a "we."

No need to despair, though, because there are some key ways to help you reclaim your "me" and create a life you truly love.

Forgive. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person; it’s actually an extremely powerful tool for you. Understand that your ex is only operating off of his limited world view and his behavior wasn’t about you. Forgive yourself for abandoning your authenticity.

Accept. Remember you’re a gigantic magnet. If you adopt an understanding that everything you create in life is for you to learn and grow from, you’ll foster an empowering frequency of gratitude, drawing the things you do desire into your life versus the victim vibration attracting what you don’t want.

Engage. Engage in a creative passion. Paint, write, draw, sing or even strum; it doesn’t matter what it is, but give yourself permission to create and you’ll start to see a completely new vision of yourself. I guarantee you’ll be surprised at what you’re capable of creating.

Revitalize. Whether your personal space is simply a room or a beachfront mansion, take time to make it your sanctuary. Cleaning out clutter, and anything reminiscent of the past, makes way for new people and things to enter your life. Treat yourself to fresh-cut flowers, scented candles and soaks in the tub. You need to treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you.

Just remember that everything you’ve done got you to this moment, where you are now gaining consciousness and shifting into the remarkable woman you can be.

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