By Ashley Drummonds, Regular Contributor
I think every girl has something inside of her that is this deep desire to be loved, pursued, and adored. We watch love stories and romantic comedies our whole lives then grow up and spend more time waiting and looking for Mr./Mrs. Right or Princess/Prince Charming to come along and live a happily ever after love story then the time we spend actually living life. We finally get in that relationship with someone who we hope is “the one” and do everything we think we can to be the perfect partner to what we think is their “idea” of perfection. We do this in the hopes that we will be loved, only to end up heart broken, confused, and wondering what is so wrong with us to end up back on the single train. We self-reflect or talk it out with friends until we finally come up with the solution that we were too fat, too clingy, too caring, or the opposite of simply not being enough, and we immediately begin the process of fixing ourselves to ensure that we do not get rejected again.
I am sure as you read this some part of you ached a little or a memory came to mind that you connected with because we all do this. I did this for years and went through heart break with a divorce at 21, followed by another abusive relationship, followed by multiple other disappointments wondering what the hell was wrong with me and why none of these men loved me or wanted me. If I was beautiful and amazing then why was I single? If I deserved better like family and friends told me then why did I not have better? Have you ever felt this way? The thing about life is that it always gives us the perfect opportunities to learn our biggest lessons, and until we learn the lesson we will continually repeat our cycles.
For me, this cycle of accepting abusive relationships and men who did not see or value my worth was one of my patterns. I eventually had one of my biggest heart breaks in a relationship and got so tired of being hurt and disappointed that I decided to take a break from dating all together at first thinking I needed to “fix” who I as in order to get the relationship I wanted. In doing this, I realized one of the biggest truths I have carried with me ever since: There is nothing to be fixed. These relationships are simply a reflection of the relationship I have with myself. I attract others who treat me the way I treat myself. I was ignoring my worth and beating myself up inside every single day. I struggled with my body image so I used my body to get attention from the wrong people who also used me simply because I was doing the same thing to myself. When I finally started to see my imperfections as perfect; my body as strong and beautiful; my mind as flawless and creative; my heart as love and my character as gold, the whole world changed. I began attracting people into my life who also saw me the same way.
Beautiful girl, if you are searching for love and searching for that person to make you feel special and amazing, look in the mirror. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing for you to fix in order to win love. You deserve to be loved and are enough just as you are right now. Once you begin loving and treating yourself like the love of your life, others will do the same. Respect your body and others will respect it as well. I will leave you with this that I want you to carry with you every day: Fall in love with YOU every single day and the rest of the world will follow your lead. You are the love that you are searching for.
I AM Ashley Drummonds. I am a health and fitness expert and use my own journey in fitness to empower women to embrace both their inner and outer strength through ABS (Authentic Beauty and Strength). I have a passion for connecting, educating, and helping women all over the world to build strong bodies, create healthy lifestyles, and fall in love with their own beautiful body! www.ashleydrummonds.com