By: Julie Phillips, Guest Blogger
Do you ever have those moments when you are so angry at someone that the mention of their name tightens every muscle in your body, furrows your brow, and turns your eyes into a glaring stare? The thought of them instantly makes you mad. You wonder how they could be so insensitive, how they could do this to you or why. At that moment a polluted little thought slithers into your brain with the menacing intention to trigger you to utter the word: “Hate.” It’s a short, but powerful, word that can render as many emotions in the person delivering the word as the person hearing the word.
Historically this little word has brought on tears of hurt and broken hearts, started wars, cultivated racism, torn apart countries, and produces nothing good. So why do we use it, a need to knock someone down to feel superior? A lack of understanding? The absence of compassion or a darkness lingering in one’s heart? I think the answer is all of the above, but the overarching reason is a lack of positivity in how we think, live, and act toward.
“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.” – Maya Angelou
I’d like to make a change by striking this word from my vocabulary. Think about the difference in our homes and communities without the “H” word. This ugly word is used so freely that people don't really understand or grasp the power it has. But if we could eliminate this piercing, negative word it would be a paradigm shift in how we treat and interact with one another. Replace the word with something less afflicting such as “don’t’ like” or “not enjoyable” or “not fond of that.” Like, enjoyable, and fond are all positive words. Instead of “I hate you,” substitute that comment with “I really don’t like you right now.” Or instead of “I hate this place,” how about “I’m not enjoying myself.” This completely changes the tone of these comments by simply eliminating one word. There’s something more personal in these comments without the “H” word in them. The content becomes more about the person’s feelings rather than projecting negativity on others. In turn, rather than creating a combative situation, it’s creating an opening for an honest conversation.
Just like making any change there is some difficulty involved. You can’t take a pill that removes the “H” word from your mind and situations will arise where you might just blurt that yucky word out. We are of course only human. Stop, catch yourself, and make the switch. Open up the lines of communication and take off the boxing gloves.
“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.” – Dalai Lama
Julie is a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend to many. Julie has a passion for the culinary arts, and can often be found seeking out local farms with her daughter for farm fresh staples to cook and enjoy with friends and family. Raising her daughter with awareness, confidence and individuality is something she takes very seriously. Julie not only hopes to inspire other women with her submissions to IATG, but also to show her daughter the importance of unity among women and the significant impact we can have when we encourage women to dream! Julie tweets at @JulieSonoma.