By: Alexis Meads, Regular Contributor
I get it. The emotional sting we feel from “rejection."
This is something I hear a lot from my clients, particularly if they’re getting out into the dating world. It can be a huge blocking pattern in love when you get overly concerned and have massive anxiety about when they are going to text or call.
It’s all part of that dating “game” we know all too well. But if it’s a game, how come it never feels fun? Sure, we get a thrill when that text from that person comes through! And the rest of the time we end up analyzing endlessly.
This comes from associating your own self-worth depending on how fast and how consistently they text or call you back.
And the truth is, if the person you’re dating doesn’t text or call you back as quickly as you’d like, it means absolutely nothing about you!
So often we focus on how to be desirable. Our society and media teaches us, as women, that if we are just desirable enough than we will “win” the girl or guy. But what happens is that we give all of our energy and attention on the type of person we want. And as soon as we might find someone who we think is a “great catch," we do just that, try to catch them.
We then end up getting so hung up on whether or not they called, how quick it took them to text us back, etc. that we drive ourselves nuts! Talk about needing a dose of self-love, and sometimes, self-respect. Even worse: never allowing the relationship room to breathe, develop, and flourish.
This exercise will help you bring the power back to your own hands:
Write down a list of all the amazing qualities that YOU have to bring to the table in a relationship. I advise all of my clients to do this whether they’re dating or not. Quite often, it can feel very uncomfortable for us to acknowledge wonderful traits about ourselves. That’s okay, move through the discomfort.
Read this list often, particularly if you are about to go on a date.
Remember that it’s not just about them choosing you, which is quite dangerous because now you’re placing your self-worth outside of you. But it’s also about YOU choosing THEM.
The first thing to remember in a new relationship is what you have to bring to the table. And that’s, quite frankly, a lot.
And once you see what all your amazing qualities are that you have to offer (funny, beautiful, kind, supportive…) you will be very careful about who you give your time, attention, and texts to!
Alexis Meads received her M.A. at Harvard University. She is a Certified Wellness Coach and Self-Love Expert. She helps women to fall madly in love, feel sexy and confident every day and create a life full of adventure. For more articles, visit www.AlexisMeads.com or download her Free Video Training here.