By: Natascha Jones, Guest Blogger
I recently had the misfortune of going on a bad first date. On paper I thought this blonde haired, blue-eyed former model/current stunt man would be right up my alley. Plus he was few years older than me so I thought he would handle himself well, having had some practice.
By the end of the date I couldn’t even look at him, didn’t want him near me and to be honest I shed a few (ok a lot) of tears on my drive home: what on Earth did I do wrong? How did that go so badly? Was it me? So I played the situation back in my mind, “Am I being too picky? Am I expecting too much?”
The answer is no. I’m certain without a doubt in my mind that I want a man to:
- Ask me for my number.
- Ask me on a date either at that time or very soon thereafter.
- Follow up with a phone call either to ask me on a date or to confirm and give details of our already planned date.
- Discuss and give me the day, time and date.
- Give me the logistics: Let me know if he would like to pick me up, or if he’s going to send for a car in case I’m not comfortable with him coming to my home.
- Arrive on time.
- Have reservations.
- Be polite. Even if it turns out there is no romantic chemistry, don’t dismiss the possibility of a potential friendship.
The only step model/surfer/stuntman completed was step 1. I guess he did step 2, but barely. That’s it!! Nothing else! And you know who’s fault that is?
Ladies it’s our fault that men are treating us the way they are. Everybody knows you teach someone how you want to be treated. If a female doesn’t have enough sense to say something isn’t good enough for her and she lets a man get by with subpar actions, guess how he’s going to treat her? Subpar. And guess how he’ll treat every female after that…subpar. Until someone (mother, aunt, sister, cousin, girlfriend, wife or oftentimes father) compassionately sets him straight he will get away with as little effort as he can. It’s not their fault, ladies, that’s how a lot of men are made. Not all. But a lot.
I’ve been getting what I’m getting because I didn’t take the time to care about myself more than this date or this guy’s approval of me. Him sticking around and paying attention to me meant more than keeping my own integrity.
I’ve decided to take a break from dating. To reassess how and with whom I am spending my time. If I’m going to date someone I want them to be as excited about me as I am! And if they’re not showing that kind of excited forethought AND manners then I’m ready to say “no thank you” and cut my losses.
Girls I challenge you; whether you’re dating a male or a female and it’s your first date or your ninth date, uphold YOURSELF to higher standards. You can’t change anyone but you can change who your company is and whether or not to continue dating.
How do you define dating and respect? What are your standards for treatment? Are you showing people how to treat you or accepting less than you deserve? Do some thinking about these issues and see where you might need to raise your dating game.
While she would have to inform you that her “day” job is in esthetics and makeup artistry, Natascha truly spends her days in sunny Venice Beach laughing with her friends, riding her bike, and telling grandiose stories encouraging others to laugh, cry or think. She is passionate about her efforts to live life fully and push her comfort zone, which is why she spills her guts to you and she hopes you’ll still love her.