By Lorène Belotti, Guest Blogger
“What people blame you for, cultivate it, because it's YOU."
I love this quote from Jean Cocteau. Being ourselves is a current and fancy mantra but why is it so hard to apply in everyday life? We all agree it’s the right thing to do but do we honestly know someone who is really herself? Are we all forced to play a game, wear masks to fit in society’s standards? What if we really play it “honest?”
I recently had a job interview for a position that didn’t really interest me. Still, I decided to go in order to practice. I knew I wouldn’t accept the job, so I wasn’t stressed at all.
I wasn’t trying to be the perfect candidate so I answered very naturally and above all, very honestly to all the questions. The interviewer stopped after the 3rd question, looked at me, and asked: “Lorène, did you practice for this? Because you’re answering exactly what I want to hear.” I was glad but astonished, and realized my honesty and vulnerability was paying off. I admitted I didn’t have some of the skills she was looking for, and talked about my fear of not being good enough. I’m aware that it went well because this woman had the same sensibility as me, which meant what I said resonated in her. Relationships are often very subjective and we have no control over that.
I understood it’s always better to be who we really are and above all, to take off the armor that we use to try to protect ourselves. It’s a waste of time. Trying to fit in someone else’s standard is compromising ourselves, and though we may gain recognition from them, we are sacrificing our inner voice.
I know it’s not easy. I’m quite a pleaser; I’m hurt to not be loved by everyone. I’m always doing my best to satisfy the whole world. It’s actually exhausting. In the end, I’m the one who is not satisfied. I figure it’s a question of confidence. I’m sometimes afraid of being myself because if people judge me badly, it hurts me even more as it’s the “real me” they don’t like. But, isn’t it better to live in that truth?
The first example of authenticity that comes to my mind is Laetitia Casta, the French model and actress. At the beginning of her career, people told her she had to “fix” her teeth because they were “imperfect,” and that she had to control her weight. But she always refused to change anything to please the fashion industry, which was super brave for a 15 year-old girl to do. She was very different from the other models at the time, very curvy when it wasn’t considered “fashionable” yet, but she wanted to be accepted as she was. She wanted to stay the simple girl from Corsica and she succeeded in staying true to herself.
Let’s do the same. They don’t like the real you? That’s not your problem, but theirs. Honestly, I’m giving this advice but I’m the first one who needs to hear it. I still have a tendency to adjust my speeches to the people I have in front of me. I never say something I don’t really think but sometimes, I have a lack of fervor to defend my beliefs, as to not offend my listener.
Let’s be brave girls! We are allowed to disagree, to express our feelings, to be imperfect. And yes, we’ll be loved anyway, firstly by our inner voice.
Brené Brown said it all with this quote: “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”
Let's chat! In what ways are you trying to be truer to yourself? What has been your biggest challenge to that goal? Share with us here!
Lorene is a French observer and learner of life. She’s been working as a salesperson and a marketing assistant for four years to learn the ropes of the business world. She used to be a sports journalist while doing her Master’s degree and she loves writing and telling stories about great people too much not to go back to her first love soon. She lives in the French Alps, and loves to try to solve the world’s problems while having a great meal with her loved ones. She is passionate about foreign languages, self-development books, American TV shows, and people. Oh, and she’s a total nerd of Academic studies (when she’ll win the lottery, she’ll go to Harvard).