By: Tyece Wilkins, Guest Blogger
I have this love-hate relationship with my closet. Some days, I grab something out of it, throw it on and don’t think twice. Other days, minutes turn into hours as I pour through virtually every piece of clothing I own and scrutinize all of my choices. Too tight. Too short. Too many dark colors. I don’t like how my butt looks in that. That doesn’t quite match. When I think too much, there is always just something that is not quite right. And, that’s when I usually wind up throwing on jeans and a plain shirt before bolting out the door. Recently, I’ve gotten more into reading fashion blogs and I always wonder, “Why can’t I pull off cool looks like (insert name of any fashion blogger)?”
Then, I remind myself there is one accessory I have to add to my colorful and bold looks if I ever want to come close to the fashion bloggers I admire. Confidence.
There is nothing inherently better or more stylish about a fashion blogger’s clothes than what’s in my closet. But, when I see their photos, the women have an air of “I put this on and I didn’t think twice about it.” That is the attitude I want to adopt more. It’s very easy to get caught up in the maze of our own thoughts, not just when it comes to clothes, but to everything from what we say to how we act and what we do. We live so completely in our own heads that it can inhibit us from taking a step back and learning not to think so much and so hard about so many things.
Overthinking paralyzes us, making it difficult, if not impossible, to make confident choices. Overthinking waters down our judgment and usually steers us toward the safe and diluted route. The audacity it takes to make a risky decision, whether that’s putting on the red lipstick, speaking up, or posting that selfie, relies on some sort of impulsivity. It requires us to decide first and think later, not in a rushed or careless way, but in a way that values the potential benefit of the experience over the certain safety of not doing it at all.
I had a conversation about confidence with one of my coworkers last week and she told me, “When something is on your mind, say it. Because, half of the time when you say something and think you messed up or said the wrong thing, no one else is thinking about it after except for you.” Getting lost in our own thoughts can also mean getting lost in how we want others to perceive us. And, while perception can be reality, it can also just be a hurdle we willingly stick right in our own path.
It’s not fair to say, “Just be confident!” because confidence is something that grows organically. It starts very small and works its way up into becoming a full-fledged person who lives unapologetically. We all are still getting there; I know I am. But, let it start small. Let it start with buying that red lipstick. Let it start with taking a selfie and just posting it without taking 100 versions of the same one. Let it start with publishing an opinionated blog post. Just let it start somewhere. Because, once you let it start, you give confidence a space to spread through you like a wild fire.
Tyece Wilkins is a 24-year-old writer and blogger based in the DC Metro area. She tweets all of her many musings at @tyunscripted and she writes, rants and roars about the growing pains of her twenties on her blog, “Twenties Unscripted.”
Image via willtowonder.com.au