By: S. Elle Cameron, Guest Blogger October 6, 2015
image via celestinevision.com
Being in a relationship is tough. Just taking care of yourself can be a challenge, not to mention, now you have to incorporate someone else’s feelings into the mix. You’re no longer just ‘you’ but you’re considered ‘we’ or ‘us’ and that’s something most people are never prepared for when entering a romantic relationship with someone. This is also the very reason that many relationships fail.
I’m not writing this to preach to you or give you simple steps to make your relationship work because in reality there is no such thing. Everyone’s relationship is different which means realistically different methods should be taken. I’ve been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for five years now and the only advice I have (that is universal) is to never rush things and to always have open communication.
Love is a two way street and both parties must do their share of labor to make it work. Many times, we tend to rush into things (or think about a future we may not have with that person). Many people are guilty of thinking about marriage and how many kids you’ll have with that person and what they’ll look like, but as hard as it may be, sometimes those are things we should place in the back of our minds when a relationship is new. Not only will it save you from possible heartache in the end, it will help make the relationship more pure and there won’t be any pressure early on.
In reality, no one is going to be exactly what you want. That’s simply because no one is perfect and everything we want in a partner will not be in one person.
Now, I’m not saying to be pessimistic when entering a relationship, but don’t walk into one with your hopes set too high. By doing this, not only can you scare away the person, but place too much pressure on them, causing them to feel like they may not be good enough for you or what you want. In reality, no one is going to be exactly what you want. That’s simply because no one is perfect and everything we want in a partner will not be in one person.
That’s why it’s important to know what characteristics and values you hold nearest and dearest to you. Physically, my boyfriend is the exact opposite of what I “always wanted” (he’s still very attractive though, so that’s a plus) but we agree on a lot of the same values which makes a world of difference. I’m not using my relationship as a foundation of what all relationships should be like, but I thought it does serve as a good example.
We’re completely honest with one another even when it hurts and we literally talk about any and everything.
I thought this would be the perfect topic to speak on because recently (September 1st) my boyfriend and I celebrated our fifth year anniversary. He’s nine years my senior and many people around my age wondered how we made it work for so long. The answer is simply open communication and not rushing into anything. We’re completely honest with one another even when it hurts and we literally talk about any and everything. That’s important to have because nothing goes unsaid or ignored…not one feeling (and that’s the hardest part).
A constant question we get is “when are you going to get married?” because we’ve been together so long. Our answer is always, “hopefully soon but there’s no rush. We’re just trying to enjoy life and get it together before we decide to marry.” These two elements take away pressure like you wouldn’t believe.
Relationships aren’t easy and they shouldn’t be. Real relationships take work but they’re the greatest thing when they’re healthy and strong. There’s nothing better than coming home after a hard day and pouring everything out to the one you’re with, but remember that you don’t need a relationship to define you…you’re THAT GIRL no matter who you’re with or not with!
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S. Elle Cameron is the 24 year old author of the Young Adult/New Adult novel, A Tragic Heart & RED. Music and personal experiences inspire her to write on a daily basis. She is also the founder of Outsider Fiction. To learn more, visit her at www.sellecameron.com or www.sellecameron.blogspot.com
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