Confessions of an Online Dater: Sailing Smoothly
by Kristin Baum

It’s month three of my online dating and as I sail through the ‘Net, I’m feeling a lot more poised at the helm. I still encounter the occasional iceberg, but with seasoned sea legs and a more trained eye, it’s easier to steer clear of dangerous waters.

If you’re a landlubber diving into online dating, here are some tips to help navigate the sea of prospects …

Full Speed Ahead:
•    He actually thought about his profile. One Mr. Maybe said that he was looking for a girl who “doesn’t count the carbs in her beer but knows where her salad fork is.” Using specifics to describe an overall quality, like valuing one’s health, shows thoughtfulness and maturity.
•    He shows and tells. Anyone can be spontaneous on paper, but if he mentions the time he wound up backstage during a rained-out concert, you know he’s more than just talk.

Test The Waters:
•    His profile reads like a resume. He doesn’t quote your favorite film or share your love for Labradors, but you’re intrigued by his passion for ethnic food and dream vacation spot. Send him an email to see if he opens up.
•    He’s funny, but maybe too funny. “Hurryimbalding” had me laughing from the start—he was sarcastic, claimed to be a mac and cheese maestro and his pictures verified a full head of hair. But when we met for coffee, I found a soft-spoken guy who barely made eye contact. Making sure I hadn’t confused Hurry with another match, I joked about Kraft versus Velveeta Shells; when he didn’t seem to get it, I reminded him of his profile. “Oh,” he mumbled. “My roommate actually wrote that …” I excused myself on the basis of false advertising.
•    You can see what he likes, but can’t see him. Pics that show your match in exotic places, doing extreme sports or with a bunch of friends can be tempting. But stop and ask yourself why, out of a handful of images, none show his face? It may be worth meeting in person—that is, if you can ID him.

Abandon Ship:
•    What he’s looking for is more exact than an algorithm.
•    He’s just not that into it. A particularly vague profile could mean that he is ambivalent toward dating in general—and who wants a lukewarm love when you can have red-hot romance?
•    His favorite things are beer, bros and barhopping.
•    He gets too up close and personal. One prospect stated on his profile that he believes “sex is only true way to get to know someone.” Really?!?
•    He posted pics in a bathing suit, or worse yet, in his underwear. Mayday!

While the “Abandon Ship” bullets are general red flags to keep an eye out for, remember that everyone’s emergency manual will read differently. Keep some cliff notes that remind you of specific traits that you’re looking for in a match, and your search should go swimmingly. Trust your instinct, carry a spare life jacket, and bon voyage!

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