I fell asleep two nights ago with bobby pins and mascara still in place from our late night show. With the next day off, I woke before nine and stayed in bed til noon reading. That’s my dream day off: Eggs fried, bread baked, noodles boiled, never once leaving the house.

My friend Terri is the total opposite. Charming in a word. She’ll spend her nights off at VIP parties with a finger in every drink. I admire her sheen; it’s the marked difference between the classic intro-extro personality types. One gains strength from gardening with her doors locked, the other doesn’t feel she’s truly awake until she’s describing last night’s dream to friends over breakfast.

Large crowds and late nights are inherent in the theater world. Terri seems gifted with the skills to send her star sky high, while I am better off hiding my light under a bush. But after five years on this career path, I’ve got a pretty good handle on balancing personal charms with a professional attitude. In a business where emotions play their hearts out onstage, this separates the divas from the artists.

If you’re like me, these little tips will help you avoid the inevitable pitfalls from forcing your private personality into social situations.

• Deep breaths, kiddo! “I am SO BUSY right now!” is not a conversation starter. As Cassy laid it out in “Over Committed Superheroes,” I choose my three jobs plus kickball. Don’t whine to the party people about your career, save it for those who love you unconditionally.
• My ears perk up when I hear that perennial opener, “What are you working on right now?”  As long as it isn’t dressed in a frazzled complaint, similar interests make me want to know you better.
• Hold up: I’m not suggesting YOU start every conversation with a predictable question—just keep those ears open for the answers. Then get your network on. Which brings me to the most important trait of a professional personality…
• Really listen. I’m not talking about leaning in when the lead of the show starts going on about his “process.” Pay attention to that rambling middle-aged sound designer, flatter the brash director of photography. Practice listening to the folks other people tune out, and those late nights when you’d rather be at home will earn their keep.
• Stop picking your nose! Not really…but we all have those little social habits we’d like to put to bed. Mine is going through my purse as if I was searching for something important instead of interacting. If you catch yourself withdrawing, give it fifteen more minutes in the game, then hit the showers.

The trick is to become that girl who can enjoy her party dress as much as her PJ’s. I consciously remind myself that for every two nights spent rushing out the door as soon as the curtain drops, I will take the time to hang out with the rest of the crew, forging a bond that is deeper than a stipend check.

photo by florian knorn

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It’s been called the Internet Paradox and it states that the more you use the internet for communication, the less you actually communicate face-to-face or on the phone which then leads to an increased likelihood of depression and loneliness.  And loneliness and depression can lead to all kinds of health hazards, from cardio-vascular disease to insomnia. It may not have a direct, 100% correlation, but it’s enough to raise some eyebrows, turn some heads, and pick some fingers up off of keyboards.

Socializing turns out to be incredibly beneficial for your health. And I’m not talking about sending an IM to a buddy on Facebook or even a text to your mom in Virginia. A (lucky number) thirteen year study conducted by the Harvard School of Public Health found social activity can be as effective as physical fitness at pushing back death’s cold, black fingers – not usually the hand you want to hold.

Seriously? Spend more time with friends and family, live a longer life? Sold. Less time on Facebook equals more time in life? Whoa there. We’re just as addicted as you. (Confession: we often take Facebook breaks at the iatg office.) It’s all about using internet socializing in a better way. So here are some suggestions:

1.    Use social networking to set up social events.
•    Thank you, E-vite. You’ve totally reduced my postal service needs as well as my need to plan an event three weeks in advance. Three days in advance? Plenty.
•    Leave a message on your best friend’s wall or text her to arrange meeting up for coffee after work to vent, rather than writing her an outraged email.

2.    Keep in touch with long distance friends.
We all miss the gals we went to college with and you know that best guy friend is never local, so don’t be afraid to use the internet to keep in touch. BUT make sure to put in a phone call on a regular basis, too. Even if you don’t get them, there’s nothing like getting a phone message from someone you haven’t heard from in awhile.

3.    Convenience isn’t always the best choice.
Yeah, we know it’s easy to open a new window on your computer and type a couple words. Yeah, it’s pretty simple to open up your phone and put a few letters together in a text. But it will mean more to you, and to them, when you make some time to dial a number into that phone of yours (who knew it could be used in such ways?) and chat for a few minutes. Make your friends and family a priority even if you can’t always spend time with them.

It turns out when you make time for your friends; you may be adding time to your life in the long run.  Maybe you should be calling your friends and thanking them for that advantage rather than waiting for them to thank you for the phone call….or at least send a text.

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