I fell asleep two nights ago with bobby pins and mascara still in place from our late night show. With the next day off, I woke before nine and stayed in bed til noon reading. That’s my dream day off: Eggs fried, bread baked, noodles boiled, never once leaving the house.

My friend Terri is the total opposite. Charming in a word. She’ll spend her nights off at VIP parties with a finger in every drink. I admire her sheen; it’s the marked difference between the classic intro-extro personality types. One gains strength from gardening with her doors locked, the other doesn’t feel she’s truly awake until she’s describing last night’s dream to friends over breakfast.

Large crowds and late nights are inherent in the theater world. Terri seems gifted with the skills to send her star sky high, while I am better off hiding my light under a bush. But after five years on this career path, I’ve got a pretty good handle on balancing personal charms with a professional attitude. In a business where emotions play their hearts out onstage, this separates the divas from the artists.

If you’re like me, these little tips will help you avoid the inevitable pitfalls from forcing your private personality into social situations.

• Deep breaths, kiddo! “I am SO BUSY right now!” is not a conversation starter. As Cassy laid it out in “Over Committed Superheroes,” I choose my three jobs plus kickball. Don’t whine to the party people about your career, save it for those who love you unconditionally.
• My ears perk up when I hear that perennial opener, “What are you working on right now?”  As long as it isn’t dressed in a frazzled complaint, similar interests make me want to know you better.
• Hold up: I’m not suggesting YOU start every conversation with a predictable question—just keep those ears open for the answers. Then get your network on. Which brings me to the most important trait of a professional personality…
• Really listen. I’m not talking about leaning in when the lead of the show starts going on about his “process.” Pay attention to that rambling middle-aged sound designer, flatter the brash director of photography. Practice listening to the folks other people tune out, and those late nights when you’d rather be at home will earn their keep.
• Stop picking your nose! Not really…but we all have those little social habits we’d like to put to bed. Mine is going through my purse as if I was searching for something important instead of interacting. If you catch yourself withdrawing, give it fifteen more minutes in the game, then hit the showers.

The trick is to become that girl who can enjoy her party dress as much as her PJ’s. I consciously remind myself that for every two nights spent rushing out the door as soon as the curtain drops, I will take the time to hang out with the rest of the crew, forging a bond that is deeper than a stipend check.

photo by florian knorn

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I spent the past week in Minnesota for no other reason than my brother graduated from law school and the entire family flew into town to support and celebrate his endeavors. Like any graduation weekend, it was complete chaos. Between the 15 of us, there were five hotel rooms, four rental cars, and two kids under the age of three. You can imagine that choosing a restaurant alone necessitated an event planner.

The weekend was a ball of confusion, miscommunication, who’s riding in whose car, and why isn’t so-and-so answering his phone? For those of you who have big families, you know that it’s absolute mayhem trying to coordinate plans, to arrive anywhere on time, to have everyone happy at the same time and the frustration of our mother wanting to “keep everything running smoothly.”

However, despite the overwhelming stress, the lack of sleep (because nieces and nephews insist on waking you up two hours earlier than you would like), the 10 year sibling fires that get rekindled, and the unprecedented patience required for the molasses like progress we make, no matter what, we’re family and that’s what family does. The definition of family varies for everyone; it can be your closest friends, your teammates, or your coworkers but either way, it’s your “crew” and, for them, you’d do anything.

The beauty of my family is that at the end of the day we’re on the same team and when my brother walked across that stage, all the chaos, annoyance and frustration it took to get us to the graduation in the first place melted away and the Jones clan jumped to our feet, with tears running down our cheeks and cheered for Josh with more pride than if we’d just cured cancer. Suddenly, everything else became irrelevant and we were able to focus on the reason we were there in the first place.

That’s when it occurred to me that we put up with all the other stuff in life because we know that, when push comes to shove, we have a group of people who would do anything for us. The Jones family certainly isn’t perfect, we are a blend of half’s, step’s, and blurred lines that would make our family tree more of a spider web than anything remotely linear, but we have the one ingredient that supersedes everything else. We have unwavering, unconditional love for each other.

Relationships, in general, are not about being perfect or never butting heads; they’re about knowing that, in spite of all the imperfections, the ego, pride, mistakes, and hurt feelings, no one is going anywhere. My family certainly has our flaws, but when it’s time to rally, the Jones crew is willing to weather any storm because we know all hands will be on deck and if we lose someone overboard, you better believe we aren’t leaving that man behind.

Because, at the end of the day, relationships are messy, dramatic and, at times, can make you want to commit a homicide, but my goodness they are worth it when you’re sick and need someone to bring you soup and crackers. The people who can push your buttons like no one else are the same people who can cheer you up during life’s greatest disappointments and believe in you when it seems like everyone in world has turned their backs on you.

Regardless of who I “grow up to be,” of what contributions I leave this world (big or small) and despite what mistakes I’m sure to make, the foundation of who I am and my self worth remains unaffected because it’s made of unbreakable titanium: my family.

While I enjoy the uninterrupted sleep, the simplicity of my own schedule and the peacefulness of my beautiful apartment, I wouldn’t trade a minute of Jones drama – for they are and always will be the best part of who I am. Thank you, family, for an incredible weekend and reminding me of what really matters in life, something easily forgotten here in La La Land.

alexis jones, college, communication, conflict, family, graduation, love, minnesota, schedule Hide

My rehearsal has finished on time. It’s 6:30 and my meeting is at 6:50.  If I get a cab right out my front door, which is likely, I will make it on time.

Rule #1 of the overly committed:  Always be on time. If you are not on time, your over commitments have taken control and you are no longer a superhero – just a bad planner.  Today’s schedule is pretty packed, but I am feeling confident and organized.

7am – 4pm: Work at café
4pm – 5pm: Prepare for rehearsal and change clothes
5pm – 6:30pm: Rehearsal
6:50pm – 7:30pm: Interview a new designer
8pm – 10pm: Opening night at festival

Rule #2: Accept your lot in life. Most situations I find myself in are ones of my own construct. I never “have” to do anything; I choose to do things. Maybe I feel obligated or I know they will “pay off” or it’s fun. Wallowing in the misery of agreeing to do too much isn’t going to get any of it done faster and I said, “yes” so I better get going.

Inside the cab I lean back and rest.  “It’s half over,” I think, “and working at opening night will be more fun than work, so this is the last tough thing.”

Rule # 3: Know the arc of your day. Each task within a day makes up a complete arc – moving from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. Even though working 9 hours at the café has its own beginning, middle and end—it’s not my entire day.  If I thought of 4pm as my day’s “end” the rest of the day I would be tired, unproductive and worst of all, skipping steps toward the next task.

Rule #4: Never skip steps. Growing up my dad always said, “Any job worth doing is a job worth doing right.” It’s easy to skip over the details and it may feel like I am getting the same results with or without them but, if we are talking about something I truly value, then there’s no cutting corners. All that does is cut myself short.

I arrive at the theatre on time. Brian is already here.  A fellow superhero of the overly committed, we chat and wait for the designer. By the end of the meeting, she is excited about the project.  Brian and I walk away 98% sure she is going to say yes. Rock on!

I hop in a cab, feeling pumped and ready to have fun at the festival.  Earlier I received an email about an opportunity to do research for a project. I am co-directing a show at the same time it is scheduled. Rule #5: Know when to say “No.” On paper I could do both projects. Agreeing to do something down the road that might conflict, will make my life difficult and throw the hard work I’m doing right now out the window.  It’s difficult to pass up opportunities, but I have to keep moving forward and know that if I stick to the rules, more good jobs will come.  I mean why wouldn’t they? I’m a superhero.

photo by eneas de troya

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I’m on a plane. Again. Despite the fact that I flew in from Sydney 3 days ago and it’s 3am “my time” (jet lag status: activated).  I’m writing a blog in hopes that it will suffice in lieu of a strong, much needed triple shot espresso latte.

Either way, I’m flying to Aspen to attend an invite only, weekend-long event called, The Summit. It’s 100 of America’s CEO’s and entrepreneurs under the age of thirty-five. They are graciously putting us up in a five star hotel and have daily events, seminars, panels and, of course, snowboarding/skiing options. Hard life, I know.

However, and this is not to complain about traipsing around the world and getting to attend incredible events with some of our nations most innovative, successful, creative and passionate young men and women, I’m tired. We’ve all been there, right? Burning the candle at both ends of the stick? Pretending that your Wonder Woman garb is only meant for certain, specific times – but certainly not a full time job.

I felt I had just enough time to unpack, wash clothes, get caught up to speed on everything I’d missed the past two weeks at work, stuffed as many meetings into the three days as possible, repacked (the morning of, as usual), and was swept away into yet another steel belly air taxi.

I promise this is not a self–serving, pity party for my exhaustion; it’s more an acknowledgment that we have to honor ourselves. We have to slow down and appreciate our limitations. We can’t be everything to everyone all the time. We have to believe that there will be times when we have to ask for help and trust that people will understand that our imperfections are what make us real.

I know I suffer from an unwillingness to expose the chink in my armor, my weaknesses, mistakes or imperfections but what we have to realize is that when we put up those barriers, we underestimate those around us. We don’t have enough faith that our friends and family, our co-workers and significant others will, in fact, love us anyway. More than anything else, this is me singing to the choir that lives inside my head and it’s a reminder that weakness can be just as beautiful as strength because it allows others to become your hero, to get off the bench and into the game. Give someone the opportunity to carry YOU for a bit. I think you, we, especially me, could use that every now and again.

So deep breath, you will get through this. If you’re where I am at right now and all you really want to do is crawl in a cave with zero responsibilities for a solid 48 hour period to catch up on sleep alone, I completely understand. It seems it’s been my mantra lately: “There’s never enough time in the day.” But remember that time is the ONLY thing that is completely fair in this world. We all have the same amount no matter what. So the same time crunch you feel, everyone else feels too.

Even though sometimes you have to “Cowgirl Up” and do a double shift, you can always sneak a few extra minutes for yourself to recoup, relax, and remind yourself that you are THAT GIRL and you’re fabulous.

photo by lou huang

exhaustion, help, schedule, time, travel, wonder woman Hide

Here’s the deal, falling off the wagon hurts. It usually takes a brutal bump to knock you off in the first place. Then you’re left on the ground banged up and bruised as your trolley car zooms off indifferent to whether you’re aboard or not. So why are we so surprised at how difficult it is to jump back on? Because then, as insult to injury, is the fact that we have to bust our butts to catch up with a train that’s miles ahead without any indication of stopping any time soon when all we want to do is sulk and be disappointed that we fell off in the first place.

So what train did you fall of? Was it the “workout” train, the “wake up” early bus, the “make more time for family and friends” taxi, the “diet” metro or the “spend less” light rail? Because I’ll tell you what. I fell off my own wagon three weeks ago and I have been feeling far too sorry for myself, too bitter and disappointed to get back up and chase after my first class ticket on the workout wagon.

Here’s the deal, I haven’t worked out in days. Okay. Weeks. And trust me, I have so many excuses- I’ve been traveling; I’ve been working insane hours; my back was bothering me; I haven’t had a spare second; I wasn’t feeling well and had too many unexpected things comes up; blah, blah, blah.

All I know is it feels like my train is thousands of miles away. I can’t hear it, I can’t see it and I can’t even smell the smoke from here. I feel completely out of shape and kind of have that feeling of “Where do I even begin?” So tonight is the last night I’m feeling sorry for myself and the last excuse I’ll make.

Tomorrow is the day, the beginning of my long marathon to getting back in shape. More than anything else, it’s back to making myself a priority, my health a priority, and for that I want to sprint. So this is for all of you out there who need a bit of encouragement; this is for both of us. I’m not sure about you, but I need it. Short and sweet, we fall off often. It won’t be the first time and it’s certainly not the last, but make it a point to get back on it, whatever mode of transportation you’re chasing.

I’ll keep you posted, but tomorrow I have a gym date at 7:30 in the morning and a 9 am meeting with a trainer who will assign a six day a week, intensive program. Sometimes we need a person who’s still on the train to reach down and give us a hand. My new trainer is that hand. So find that person in your life. They say the first step is always the hardest because it feels more like a jump across a forty foot chasm- but go for it. It’s the only way to get to the other side of where you want to be. Good luck and rock it.

photo by zach bronnel

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