The Reality of Dating
by Ashley Thill

Anyone who watches TV is bound to have seen one of the many reality dating shows. There’s one on nearly every channel from “Blind Date” to “Flavor of Love” to “Next.” The most notorious dating show, however, has to be ABC’s “The Bachelor” (and its spinoff, “The Bachelorette”).

For people who has never seen the show, here’s a run-down. A really good-looking guy, usually with a successful career, gets to choose between a group of women. They are eliminated weekly after he spends time on dates with them. The dates vary from group to individual dates and are often not very long. He eventually proposes to one final woman at the end of the season, after about three months.

My roommates love the show. I have some problems with it. As far as I know, only two couples have made it to marriage. The original Bachelorette, Trista and, recently, Bachelor Jason (although he broke up with the woman he originally chose, Melissa, on the show to be with the runner-up, Molly). This guy is allowed to date multiple women at the same time without any of them having a problem with it. They know what they’re getting into when they volunteer for the show. No woman I’ve ever encountered, however, has been OK with sharing her significant other. Why do we accept this as “reality,” and why are we so drawn to it?

In an interview with People magazine in 2004, Amanda Marsh, who was the choice of first Bachelor, Alex Michel, said of her failed relationship, “I thought I was falling in love. Looking back, it’s just not possible. It’s not reality.”

It’s not just the contestants who are drawn into this world of make believe, but viewers as well. The show perpetuates the idea that we as women have to be competitors with one another, fighting to be the prettiest, smartest, funniest all in order to win the guy. These women are being judged daily, and, if by the end of the episode she is rose-less, it means she wasn’t “good enough.” Men, on the other hand, believe that women are there for the choosing; they’re objects in the dating marketplace.

In a study published in the Journal of Communication in 2007 about reality television dating shows, three prevalent themes were found; that women are sexual objects, that dating is a game, and men are driven by sexual desire. The study also found that men who watch these shows, and other shows with similar themes, are more likely to adopt these attitudes in their everyday lives.

One may argue, “What about “The Bachelorette?” It’s the same concept just reversed; one woman is judging a bunch of men.” But, it really isn’t the same. Our society condones the behavior in “The Bachelor” and sees “The Bachelorette” as a rare occurrence, just a show. The competition and attitudes about women conveyed in “The Bachelor” are very real.

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