Alexis: I’m hoping for a roundtrip ticket to India, (a place I’ve been dying to visit for years), a new pair of swim goggles so I can properly train for my triathlon without getting chlorine in my eyes and, naturally, my handsome Prince Charming in a shiny package and bright bow.

Carrie B.: This festive season all I want is a fantastic day of fun and relaxation with my wonderful urban family.

Emily: This Christmas/Chanukah I wish that despite my family being on separate sides of the country, we still feel the same sense of togetherness and love that we always have in the past.

Morgan (in her younger days) at Christmas.

Morgan: A full-time job that still allows me to dedicate myself to iatg, a swanky apartment and much more time with loved ones.

Sophia: I wish for rest, relaxation, and reflection. This past year has been a crazy roller coaster (both good and bad), and a lot of changes are in store for 2010. I can’t wait to go home and share with friends and family everything that has happened in the past year and will happen in the next.

Sarah: My recent move to the sunny skies of L.A., where I remain approximately 600 miles away from my immediate family, means that Christmas and the holiday season are one of the few times in the year when I can spend quality time with everyone I know and love. As always, I am wishing health, happiness and success for my loved ones. I also wish people embrace a more positive outlook as we approach a new decade. This year has been tough for many, but I wish (and hope) that we distance ourselves from the negative forces, and instead welcome the new year with a smile and positivity beaming on our faces.

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Consider the Object Campaign, launched in the UK as a response to the sexual objectification of women in the media and pop culture. The group attributes this apparently growing trend to violence against women and sexism. Its goals include increased regulation for “lads magazines” and lap dancing establishments. Unfortunately, the Object Campaign is an example of misdirected efforts, of the frustration of coming across a problem that is unwieldy and far-reaching (how do we lift women up in our society?).

The sexualization of females is only wrong when it is against the will of a female. Can you recall an interaction that has turned sexual against your will—perhaps while at work, or talking to an authority figure? Discomfort crawls along your skin, and you’re not exactly sure how to handle the situation, because women are not socialized to be as sexually forward as men. And this often means that women are not always sure how to say they’re uncomfortable.

When I was younger, I could only handle these situations with a tiny giggle, and I still catch women my age doing this. Nowadays, my best move is to come back with a brazen sexual remark that shows I’m not afraid of it. But even still, I am not skilled at communicating my discomfort, at asserting boundaries in what is okay and what is not okay for someone to say to me. THIS is a problem that we need to tackle. And this is where I think the confusion begins to come in. Sex traditionally has been an area that men have found power over women in, because we are not trained to talk about it in the same ways. By extension we somehow seem to blame the sex industry. But maybe we should start thanking them for expanding the conversation.

Beyond these unwanted instances, sexualization is simply a natural part of being human. Sometimes we forget that people are sexual creatures—perhaps because we are so busy regulating what’s appropriate to discuss and share when it comes to sex. But quite honestly, there are times when women (and men) want to be sexualized, when we desire to look attractive to other people. This is why we at iatg are bellists—we believe in an expanded definition of beauty, but it doesn’t mean that we denigrate someone for wanting to look attractive.

The problem with the sex industry is not the sexualization of women—if anything this is their job. Rather, the problem is the degradation and manipulation of women that can be prevalent within this industry. The testimonies of former lap dancers on the Object Campaign’s website reveal this as well, as they talk about high fees from the clubs and mistreatment from the owners.

Unfortunately, sexualizing and degrading something is not the same thing and this is why the Object Campaign misses the mark. This doesn’t mean that the various sex industries are not in need of a major overhaul (because they are), but instead this means that going after these industries is not the way to change how we treat women around the world. What we really need is an expanded conversation about sex—to teach other women how to assert their boundaries regarding it—rather than another way to regulate it and dismiss it.

Find out more about the Object Campaign at Object.org.uk

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Last week iatg sponsored its first major event: The Man Panel. Five seriously sexy boys took the stage and leveled with the female audience about what guys are really looking for.

However, we’re not so cruel as to strip them down and string them up without so much as a cocktail first. So, to get the blood pumping our favorite cover band, Unusually Suspect (featuring the dreamy sportscaster-turned-lead-singer Brent Biedel), sang us all our favorite tunes including a rousing rendition of “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” Folks were pouring into our cozy upstairs bar space at Westwood Brew Co, where we had our own private bar and rockin’ bartender who spent the night serving up the oh-so-affordable $3 pints. Things were off to a good start as highly fashionable young ladies were getting their grooves on to the delight of a surprisingly large number of men who were smart enough to come out and support our Ladies’ Night.

After everyone was sufficiently loosened up, we brought out the Man Panel: Pro-surfer Bron Heussentstamm, Dirty, Sexy Money star Seth Gable, Survivor: Exile Island winner Aras Baskauskas, Amazing Race All Stars champ Eric Sanchez, and the simply adorable Yogi Roth, aka USC quarterback coach, aka DREAM BOAT. Alexis and Emily, armed with pages of questions compiled by our online readers and the stacks of multi-colored post-it notes written by our live audience, made no bones about what we girls have been dying to know.

I’ll be frank and say that many of their answers didn’t exactly surprise me: don’t be clingy, say what you mean, a bit of “don’t play the game, but here’s how you play the game” stuff. The good parts came when they touted how girls with a purpose and confidence are the sexiest kinds (that’s what makes us iatg-ers such total knockouts), and how we girls forget that guys have feelings, too. (When girls get into the “men are dogs” vein and claim “you just can’t trust ‘em,” how is that supposed to make them feel?) Hearing that men can sincerely value trust and see it as a sacred bond was heartwarming, indeed.

What was really AMAZING about the Man Panel, though, was not necessarily hearing what five guys had to say (let’s face it, they’re limited to their own experiences), but what happened afterwards. As the boys and girls of the audience went back for another round of cocktails, they started talking, really talking, about what mattered to them in relationships. Can you imagine mingling at a bar and instead of flirtatious BS nonsequiturs, having real conversations about what you really want??

And even though at the end, I still managed to get propositioned for sex from a married man (some guys just never get it), I did see a few other phones exchanging numbers that looked very promising. So while many men still remain utterly mysterious to me, our Man Panel did decode the sex at least enough to let me see that the good ones are not only out there, but they’re looking for girls just like us.

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We held our first event on Sunday night at the Westwood Brew Co and, despite the lack of sleep building up to the event, the butterflies in my stomach the morning of and the insanity of hosting in general, it simply could not have gone better. Our whole concept of the Man Panel originated out of a simple yet candid conversation I had with one of my closest guy friends over (pathetic to admit) why I haven’t dated in over a year. Naturally I have my personal excuses “I’m so busy” and my “high standards,” but the reality is that guys typically don’t ask me out.

My guy friend, who calls me “Jonsey,” had incredible insight on what messages I was sending, how I was coming across and the immediate walls I put up when first being introduced to a guy. And I’ll be honest, ladies, things I’ve NEVER thought of before were the very things I was doing that supposedly put guys in the friend zone before they even had a chance to dip their toe in the dating water.

After a sobering two hour conversation, incredible insight and revelations into my dating life, I realized that there really is a massive miscommunication going on between men and women. We say one thing and mean another; they do one thing and we think they mean another. We speak with subtle nuances and body language; they respond in ambiguous grunts and “huhs.” Regardless, the current men/women issue is not that we don’t love each other, that we don’t both want to have incredible relationships, or aren’t willing to work for them, it’s that they speak Mandarin Chinese and we speak Russian. Worse, we’re surprised when our miscommunication ends in yet another fight, argument or frustrating spat over why he did or didn’t do something that was really important to us.

The divorce rate is over 60% folks! I’m really not a fan of those odds. I think we seriously need to bridge the communication Grand Canyon gap that has chicks on one side and guys on the other. At the end of the day, we know that some 90% (a randomly made up, but you get the point statistic) fights are merely a miscommunication so let’s start translating and learning each other’s native tongues.

I think it’s JUST as important that guys learn to read and write girl talk as ladies need to fluently speak boy talk. Thus, the MAN PANEL was born. However, keep in mind that i am that girl is chick empowerment with an EDGE so naturally we weren’t going to do a dry, stale seminar/workshop in some boring classroom with desks and spirals to jot down notes. No, we’d much rather do it at a bad @#% local bar, bring in a great live band, have good food, strong drinks and a panel of hotties up on stage answering all the intimate questions girls always wanted to know and never get the chance to ask. We wanted to recreate the conversation that guys have when no girls are around… and we did just that!

The most compelling part of the night was the fact that our panel of young men unanimously confessed that the most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence, that if you’re comfortable in your own skin, there is nothing more sexy. It’s not about what you wear or what you look like as much as just being you that the most attractive. While there were certainly some other issues touched on: leaving baggage at the door, advice for the bedroom, and a mini lesson on honesty, the girls left with a mini cheat sheet into the world that is MAN.

Overall, the event was incredible. The turnout surpassed our expectations, the panel of guys was both hysterical and endearing, the band rocked, the audience was stoked and I think every guy and every girl in that room walked away with a kernel of insight into better understanding his or her counterpart. At the end of the day, men and women are different species with different languages and ways of communicating but, my goodness, what an incredible challenge it is to find that co-pilot for life, your adventure buddy and best friend who’s going to love you and all of your flaws.

So if you missed our first Man Panel, don’t worry, by the overwhelming responses we’ve gotten and the hoards of new questions already submitted, looks like there will be another soon on the horizon. In the meantime, next time you have the chance, ask the guys in your life, “What are some things you wish girls really understood about guys?” and, trust me, you’ll be teleported into a world you never knew existed.

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As most of you know, I grew up in a locker room of living rooms, aka a household with four older brothers. In high school, when I’d come home I’d more often than not walk into a living room of 15 guys playing video games, none of which were even my brothers. We kind of had a revolving door and it only shifted into the Jones College frat house as we got older.

And the beauty of growing up in the Jones’ household was that, more often than not, I gained fly on the wall status so I was privy to the real conversations guys have when they think no girls are listening. While these conversations would shock you, I truly think that they would give you insight to a sex that is so unbelievably unlike us that it’s fascinating to wonder how we’re ever supposed to find love with one another when we’re as different as birds and fish.

Either way, in college I was the “dude translator.” I grew a reputation for being the girl who could decipher the code that is man thought. Then it occurred to me that if there were more direct communication between men and women, we could drop the games, the mind manipulation and the miscommunication. I know way too many girls who have spent WAY too much time trying to figure out what he meant by the awkward hug at the end of the night.

The time we spend thinking about what he is actually thinking about is consuming, futile, and, 99% of the time, WRONG. So, rather than continue having the blind leading the blind, I figured, why not have an event where we bring in guys who will be honest, candid and forthright to give us insight into the brotherhood of masculinity?

Immediately I called up a few high profile boys here in Los Angeles who are also dear friends. I described the current dilemma of men and women not understanding one another. The best part is, while I thought I’d be calling in a favor, they were more than willing; in fact, they LOVED the idea.

So with that, THE MAN PANEL was created. We’re doing our first ever i am that girl event on May 31^st at the Westwood Brewing Company from 7-9pm. We’re bringing in a panel of guys and I’ll be hosting the event.

It’s the perfect girls night out and I guarantee you will not only laugh hysterically, but you’ll gain priceless insight on the male sex. Come join us and get your questions answered by the boys who know them best. It’s 15 bucks online and 18 at the door. We have a link to our Paypal account under “links” on the website and we want to get the word out so shout it from the roof tops, i am that girl presents, THE MAN PANEL… our insider’s guide to men, once and for all.

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Yes, I am happily married. Yes, I know my husband better than I know myself. Having said that, NO, I am NOT all knowing when it comes to the opposite sex.

These few sentences have been a recurring response to several of my single friends in recent conversations. Lately I haven’t been able to get away from this topic. No matter where I turn, questions about unlocking the male psyche intrude upon my day.

Whether it’s the Celestial bodies, the Earth’s tides or magnetic pull, something must be off. This is the only reasoning I have come up with to make sense of this recent phenomenon.

My favorite occurrence was when my friends tell me about their conversations with dates and then ask me to translate what they REALLY mean. And I guess, since I was able to unlock the mysteries of one guy, apparently that makes me the dude whisperer. (And, yes, I am aware that I just gave myself a new nickname at the iatg offices.)

It’s hard for me to relate since I haven’t dated in years and my relationship consists of reworking my conversation skills. Strangely enough, we actually say what we mean and get rid of the subtext. (FYI: That’s the bad stuff that always gets people in trouble.)

“OMG, our date just got pushed back? What do you think that means?”

“What if I’m not the only one dating multiple people?”

“Do you think it’s purely physical?”

Honestly, I don’t know. Your date could either be dwelling on the little things like you or may not be sweating all these insignificant details. So I say, instead of wasting all that worrying energy on an unknown variable, why not shrug it off and give yourself a break? Take advantage and get your beauty sleep.

But I hear all these stories about the guy saying he’ll call or he may be busy this week and so on. And an instant migraine erupts in my head.

Honestly, I can’t imagine going back to those wondering dating days. But if I had any words of wisdom to pass down to my fellow single females, it would be…be honest. Not aggressive, just honest. It’s a waste of your time and your date’s if you’re not showing your true colors. (This is where I insert the song “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper and suggest you go first to Cyndi before you hit up your nearest shackled chick to divine what to do.)

Sorry, my friends, the only man code I can break is my partner’s.

photo by jason scragz

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Emily G.: My mom is a big mush so if I write her a heartfelt card or a poem, she cries every time (a good cry). Or if I hang out with my mom socially she sees how proud I am or her and she feels pretty damn special….because she is! And I love surprising her by showing up at her doorstep. Works every time!

Cassy: My mom and I are pretty close, keeping in touch through email, phone calls and Facebook.  Whenever I stumble across an old photo of us or of our family or of me at a geeky phase, I email her a copy and we giggle over the old times from a distance.

Alexis: I love to make my mom feel special by mailing her a huge care package that has homemade cookies, a gift certificate to the spa, photos from our latest trip, a copy of her favorite movie, a thoughtful card, and two movie tickets so she can plan a date night. Living out of state is not an excuse to make momma not feel special on her day!

Kenzie: I’m never quite sure what to do for my mom to let her know how awesome she is. I once flew across the country to surprise her and she flipped out wondering if I was okay. (Probably goes to show I could use a bit more practice with gestures like this.) I try to do little things like organizing a family get-together or making sure I take a few minutes out of my day to talk to her…but we like to make fun of each other a lot too . No matter what I do, I feel it could never be enough. The debt there is just too big…but I’m working on it.

August: My mom loves each of her five kids equally but differently. She’s taught us to follow our hearts, do what makes us happy, walk firmly in faith, choose our partners carefully (“Most men need lessons – I got lucky with your father!”) and enjoy life thoroughly. I hope, as she sees all of us doing our best to live our lives the way she’s taught us, she has a mere inkling of the fantastic mother she is. Love you, Mom! Wish we were thrift store shopping this weekend… Love, “Putsu”

Morgan: My mom is pretty fabulous, so I enjoy spending time just hanging out with her. Whether the two of us are scrolling the clearance racks at the mall, making a mess baking an endless supply of Christmas cookies that neither one of us can actually devour, or analyzing the finer points of an episode of House, we always seem to have fun together. I think we make each other feel special because we are more than mother and daughter – we’re friends.

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Transitioning from classroom to cubicle is no small feat; there are resumes to be updated, contacts to be followed and interviewers to dazzle—and that’s all before you even get the job. In Working World 101: The New Grad’s Guide to Getting a Job, authors Bridget Graham and Monique Reidy provide insight and give tips to help navigate the working world waters.

iatg: What makes your book different than other “career guides”?

Reidy: Ours isn’t just for finding a job—there’s a real emphasis on communication style. Any old book can tell you how to write a resume, but once you get in and have an audience [interviewer], what really makes or breaks it is how you conduct yourself as a professional.

Graham:The inspiration came from being in class with students and knowing I
had years of HR experience and communication knowledge that I really wanted to share with those who were about to start their career.

iatg: So what makes a good pep talk before an interview?

Graham:  Think of three people who absolutely, positively love you. Then have the confidence of thinking of those good qualities they love about you … Use that confidence in your interview.

Reidy: And it’s important to know that you will get rejected—but it’s never a failure. It’s all part of a lesson. Maybe the first interview isn’t so great but that’s okay because you can use it for the next time. Right out of college, don’t set your sights too high or too low. Never say you won’t try.

iatg: What’s the best career advice you’ve received?

Reidy: Do something you feel passionate about.

Graham: Do your best, even if you don’t like the job you’re doing. If you do a good job in a position that you don’t really want, most superiors will look at you and think, “If you’re doing that good at something you don’t like, imagine how good you’ll do with something that you do like.”

iatg: What part of the book are you proudest of?

Reidy: We had so many successful businesspeople share their experiences so we were able to include their strengths and weaknesses. It’s helpful to read about what executives look for when they see how you present yourself, perform and speak.

iatg: What should you do everyday to get closer to landing your dream job?

Graham: Make sure you keep in contact with people and check out job sites. Also, spread the news that you’re looking for a job. Never be embarrassed to let people know. In this economy, you need to stay positive but also do the work. Send your resume, network constantly and understand that everything is a stepping-stone.

Reidy: Be patient. You’ll eventually get to where you want to go. Carry yourself professionally and be patient, and you’ll definitely reach your goals.

* Graham is finishing her master’s degree in communications at Pepperdine University

More information and purchasing details for “Working World 101: The New Grad’s Guide to Getting a Job” can be found at www.workingworld101.com.

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Hear what our staff has to say and even add your own comments!

Morgan: I embrace femininity by opting not to define it. There are too many characteristics of my personality to simply align myself with the traits of one gender. I can get all glamed up on Saturday night when I choose to, but also can swear like a sailor and play some intense, sand-in-your-teeth beach volleyball with the guys the very next day.

Kit: I embrace my femininity during workouts- wearing an adidas tracksuit with mascara and lip gloss on.

Carrie B.: As a mother, every day my daughter reminds me of what it is to be a woman.  I like to express my femininity through the clothes I wear, be it jeans or a dress, my clothes always represent my confidence and womanhood.

Amy: Femininity is having confidence in your inner and outer beauty.

Opal: Oh, feminine wiles: those delicious little nothings we delve into in solitude…only to find out our girlfriends are doing the exact same things! For me, it’s baking bread while wearing a vintage apron. Curling my pin straight hair also has a special place in my heart.

Danielle: For so long, women were looked at and judged for being the more “emotional” of the sexes, for better and for worse, and whatever that really means. Embracing femininity, to me, deals directly with being fearless to feel and to express those feelings. Femininity encompasses vulnerability at times but also great strength, and it is in accepting both facets that makes us the best women we can be.

Rosalind: Defining femininity is like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet trying to catch a heffalump. You won’t get very far, and the thing probably doesn’t exist in the first place.

Nalea: Ten-year-old Nalea would have answered this with three words: ruffles and Aquanet. Now, I define femininity as anything that makes me feel confident as a woman. For me that usually means being primped, polished and intelligent.

Edith: To me, femininity is a women’s confidence. To be able to keep a strong and independent persona while expressing themselves without compromising their identity.

Diane: To me femininity is a rock wrapped in lace. It’s an item of contrasts and contradictions that fuels my soul and supports my bones.

Laura: I embrace my own femininity by taking pride in being innately nurturing, gentle and kind.

Sophia: Femininity is confidence.  A confident woman knows herself and, in turn, makes others want to know her.

Emily R.: By feeling pretty; some days it’s spending an extra 2 minutes on make-up, others it’s a cute top.  Nothing too extravagant but dressing up makes me feel more feminine.

photo by jessie romaneix

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More than anything, it was a day of celebration, a day when the tenacity of hope had a tangible victory over defeat, a day that resounded the adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s been five years since WUSA (Women’s United Soccer Association) fell into a crumble of debt and despair. And for a long while, we thought professional women’s soccer in the United States was gone for good. But today it returned. And, who better than a prodigal daughter in the form of Mia Hamm to hand the game ball to the officials? Afterall, it is her form that graces the WPS official logo.

14,832 people filed into the Home Depot Center, home of the Los Angeles Sol for the inaugural match of the WPS (Women’s Professional Soccer) where the Sol played the Washington Freedom. Before the match, the crowds arrived to enjoy a small area called “Sol City” where they could make signs for their favorite players or watch a dog play soccer.

It may have been Mia mania in WUSA but it’s Marta’s magic in WPS. The moment Marta Vieira da Silva, the Brazilian international three time FIFA Player of the Year Awards (at age 23), touched the ball, the stadium was entranced. They screamed (most were girls, after all), yelled, and clapped their hands in anticipation. She would not score but would have an assist and create plenty of excitement as she weaved in and out of opposing defenders – or just speed past them. And yet, it was an unexpected name who led the Los Angeles Sol to the first WPS victory. A name you, an iatg reader, may recognize: Allison Falk.

Falk (interviewed here last week) came up from central defender for a corner kick early in the match and headed the ball past Washington goalkeeper Briana Scurry in the 6th minute. Her hands shot up into the air in excitement and astonishment. She, Allison Falk, a sweet girl from Danville, CA had just written her name in the history books – and with her head no less. Falk would continue with a solid performance, holding Wambach in check with the help of fellow Sol defenders, and would go on to be named the official Woman of the Match.

Of the goal, Falk would say, “The goal was an amazing ball from Aya [Miyama]. I just went up for it, wasn’t sure I was going to get it but just went for it and I think it kind of hit the side of me and went in.”

When the game concluded, the final score read: Los Angeles Sol 2, Washington Freedom 0. Camille Abily scored the second goal with a brilliant chip of the ball in the 87th minute.  And an exquisite performance by Sol goalkeeper, Karina LeBlanc, kept the Freedom quiet. That’s how history will write it: Sol victory, 2-0. First match, over and done. But as a member of the crowd, you had to know there was much more to it.

It hadn’t worked with WUSA. But we’re trying again. We’re going for it. A successful women’s professional league in the country that dominates women’s international soccer. Surely it’s not a day of history; it’s only a beginning. And as Sol coach, Abner Rogers, said, “We came out with a good victory … it is only going to get better.”

Want to see more WPS pictures? Visit iatg on facebook.

photo by kenzie rochelle

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