Where has the women’s movement gone? Where are our leaders, speaking on our behalf, fighting for us around the world? Because despite the tremendous progress our fore-mothers made for us and the incredible opportunities I’ve been presented with, I look around and the myths of marching women, of sisterhood and a unified voice have seemingly evaporated. I’m left wanting to believe in the dream of women standing on the same team, of holding each other and the world accountable to the ways in which we are treated and I am disenchanted with the reality.

But rather than live off the laurels of our mothers and our grandmothers, it’s our turn to take the torch and play our part in history. I’m talking to you too MEN. We’ve never been presented with such an opportunity, but more importantly, a responsibility to stand up and blow the whistle. One of the most unique distinctions (and criticisms) to our generation is our sense of entitlement, our belief that we can actually make a difference in the world and the bravado and audacity in thinking that we can and will be the resounding answer to our world’s cry for help.

In saying that, the girls I work with were talking about what it would really take to ignite THE 21^st century, women’s movement. Not in theory, not in a sweet, kumbaya kind of way, but how do we ignite a paradigm shifting revolution? How do we rebrand a feminist movement to speak to our generation, to be sexy and beautiful, intelligent and savvy? In a world where advertising companies spoon feed us opinions, assign identities, create entire paradigms and belief systems, how can we utilize the same powerful mechanism, to inspire an entire generation and candidly tell OUR story?

So we surveyed, we held focus groups and work shops to find out what YOU think. We presented the tenants of the feminist movement and asked girls to check the ones they to which they agreed. Nine out of ten girls agreed with all the tenants, then we revealed the last question of whether they considered themselves to be “feminists.” Unfortunately, nine out of ten girls answered with a resounding NO! So we were presented with the dilemma, would we rather take the necessary time to deconstruct the negative connotations associated with the word, “feminism” or potentially create a new movement with a name and a new brand? We chose the latter. We created BELLISM. Because the reality is our fight has changed, and we found the two most  predominant challenges facing our generation were 1. An obnoxiously narrow definition of “beauty” that leaves us all feeling chronically fat and hideous 2. How catty and mean women are to one another and more importantly, themselves. Can I hear an amen?

While there are significant strides left in the original tenants and goals of the feminist movement, we just need a new package, a new battle cry and a reason to get up and march together again. The older I get the more I recognize how important my girl friends are to me and how much our world needs female leaders injecting their compassion into major decision making around the world. I read about my sisters over seas who’s rights are being taken away, who live in inhumane, unacceptable circumstances of abuse, negligence, and poverty. Depending on your zip code, it’s like winning the baby lottery. I won and the reality is if you’re reading this from within the US and on a computer (much less your phone), that already puts you in the top 3% of the world, so you too won the lottery.

My dad used to say that with great opportunity comes great responsibility. We can do incredible things individually, but together we can ACTUALLY change the world. If there were a bell tower I could ring, a siren I could sound, it would be now. Because I think that we have reached a critical point in history and we are losing our voice and this world is proving to be a terrifying place when women become marginalized, objectified and under-valued.

Bellism is but my suggestion; it’s just a word. A word I actually came up with in grad school when I was writing a term paper on a “bad ass, make-believe, chick revolution.” But a word is all we really need. We need a way to identify ourselves, something to stand behind and believe in again. I’m a Bellist, who is determined to redefine our society’s narrow definition of beauty, to celebrate the intangibles and the warehouse of real beauty stored deep withint a woman’s heart. We are on a mission to remind women everywhere that we are in fact on the SAME team and that we can do endlessly more when we collaborate as opposed to compete. We’re on a mission to highlight incredible men who support, love and revere women to jump on board as well.

I asked my dad once if he thought I would have hidden Jewish people during WW2 even though I wasn’t Jewish, if I would have fought for African Americans slaves during the Civil war even though I wasn’t black, if I would have stuck my neck out for someone even when the threat wasn’t facing me personally. He said, “of course you would have, because I raised a daughter who’d fight for those who had no fight left in them, who’d lend their voice to those who’s voice had been taken away and to stand for those who could not longer stand alone.” But the reality, is that the opportunity is presenting itself right now and given the chance to fight for young women around the world, to be a leader for girls now, and to create a revolution, that’s what’s being presented now. So with that, I can’t begin to do it alone. I need you, whoever you are and however you stumbled upon this blog, I’m speaking to you this very second. Join me, stand with me, believe in this, and help us reignite not just any, but OUR movement. The movement of the 21^st century Bellists who stood should to shoulder and said, we’re going to make this world better, one girl at a time.

I have a feeling this is just but the beginning and what an adventure awaits us… let the history books make room for a bunch of misfit, Bellists with a myriad of lenses, but one crystal clear vision… to be the generation who fought for something bigger in life than themselves and left this world better than when they found it.

… you down?

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Okay ladies, our turn. Yesterday’s conversation about REAL MEN was a one sided perspective and I owe it to my brothas to play devil’s advocate and hold my girls (including myself) to the same critique. Not to mention I’m feeling guilty that three guys from my past felt it necessary to contact me and apologize thinking I was referring to them (one whom I literally haven’t spoken to since 8^th grade). For the record, all you guys are off the hook and just so ya know, my blogging for a “chick empowerment company” is never used as vindictive venting. Trust me, the guy I was referencing heard it straight from the horses mouth, I’m a “tell ya to your face kinda girl.” After all, I’m a writer and like musicians, authors, and comics, if you’re in my life, you very well may be mentioned in my blogging chronicles, so deal with it (said with a wink and a smile).

Needless to say, part of growing up a tomboy means that I basically lived in the equivalent of a locker room and was privy to “guy talk.” While I’ve certainly heard the horror stories of guys, I’ve heard just as many if not more about girls gone bona fied crazy and I have a deep compassion for some guys. Because for every bad guy apple out there, sits an equally rotten girl apple. I’ve witnessed firsthand manipulation, purposefully induced jealousy, lying, cheating and passive aggressive anger cloaked in words like “fine.”

Ladies, if you have the audacity to expect a real man to waltz into your life, you better be using the right bait, by first being a woman who is deserving. That means that you are willing to set aside your games, your coy, confusing communication and tell them what you want. And I’m preaching to the choir here but if you’re not confident in the first place to express your expectations, you have no authority to enforce them. Part of stepping up to the plate as a woman is knowing what YOU want and being clear about it. Despite what we’d like to think, they can’t read our minds.

You have to realize that our subtle, body language driven communication is at times cryptic, convoluted at best and thoroughly frustrating for guys. Guys are pretty simple creatures and lets be honest, we’ll extract our own meaning from their actions, create entire realities and scenarios that have never happened to justify our latest rant. Some call it creative, but behind our backs they just call it crazy. The point being is that a truly powerful relationship requires communication, authenticity and vulnerability.

The golden rule transcends all relationships. The cliché, “all guys are dogs” is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Part of owning the responsibility of growing up beyond our childish imagination is giving up the dream that some perfect prince charming is going to walk into our lives and then, magically we live happily ever after. That doesn’t mean we can’t have high expectations, but have real ones about the things that matter and choose our battles wisely. Guys aren’t custom built cars, they come “as is, final price” and you can take it or leave it, but you  can’t take it and then start fixing it up and changing it.

If you want a great guy, you gotta be a great lady. As Kenzie mentioned to me, if you keep going for the gorgeous heart breakers, then it’s your fault. Fool me once… you know where I ‘m going here. And there’s nothing wrong with chasing down what you want and not waiting at home, thinking that the deliveryman is going to leave a perfect man package at your door, bow and all.

Confidence is sexy, intelligence is sultry, and passion turns you from a black and white, single dimensional page to a vibrant three-D bombshell. But you have to know yourself, be comfortable in your own skin and own it. While I may be frustrated by the plethora of “Man Boys” I’m equally annoyed by the volume of walking, “Comatose Barbies” robotically consuming instead of contributing. If we have the audacity to raise the bar for men, it’s arrogant to think we’d be successful without raising the expectations for ourselves.

There is nothing more powerful than a woman who knows her worth, but with that comes a monumental responsibility to handling a man’s heart with the same tender care you would want yours held. It means appreciating the good ones and stop thinking you can turn bad boys to saints. I have witnessed firsthand the disappointment and heartbreak of my brothers and my best guy friends. Despite what we think, they too are human, vulnerable, scared of getting hurt and deserve the same maturity, responsibility and honesty that we expect from them.

There are plenty of great guys out there and just because you run across a few bad apples doesn’t mean you can throw the baby out with the bathwater. It means you have to stay focused on being the best version of yourself and trusting that when it’s right, if it’s right, you’ll meet some awesome guy and it will be awkward and beautiful, confusing and completely worth it. At the end of the day, men and women alike, all have our issues, our insecurities and baggage but if you can love someone, imperfections and all, you got something to fight for.

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We held our first event on Sunday night at the Westwood Brew Co and, despite the lack of sleep building up to the event, the butterflies in my stomach the morning of and the insanity of hosting in general, it simply could not have gone better. Our whole concept of the Man Panel originated out of a simple yet candid conversation I had with one of my closest guy friends over (pathetic to admit) why I haven’t dated in over a year. Naturally I have my personal excuses “I’m so busy” and my “high standards,” but the reality is that guys typically don’t ask me out.

My guy friend, who calls me “Jonsey,” had incredible insight on what messages I was sending, how I was coming across and the immediate walls I put up when first being introduced to a guy. And I’ll be honest, ladies, things I’ve NEVER thought of before were the very things I was doing that supposedly put guys in the friend zone before they even had a chance to dip their toe in the dating water.

After a sobering two hour conversation, incredible insight and revelations into my dating life, I realized that there really is a massive miscommunication going on between men and women. We say one thing and mean another; they do one thing and we think they mean another. We speak with subtle nuances and body language; they respond in ambiguous grunts and “huhs.” Regardless, the current men/women issue is not that we don’t love each other, that we don’t both want to have incredible relationships, or aren’t willing to work for them, it’s that they speak Mandarin Chinese and we speak Russian. Worse, we’re surprised when our miscommunication ends in yet another fight, argument or frustrating spat over why he did or didn’t do something that was really important to us.

The divorce rate is over 60% folks! I’m really not a fan of those odds. I think we seriously need to bridge the communication Grand Canyon gap that has chicks on one side and guys on the other. At the end of the day, we know that some 90% (a randomly made up, but you get the point statistic) fights are merely a miscommunication so let’s start translating and learning each other’s native tongues.

I think it’s JUST as important that guys learn to read and write girl talk as ladies need to fluently speak boy talk. Thus, the MAN PANEL was born. However, keep in mind that i am that girl is chick empowerment with an EDGE so naturally we weren’t going to do a dry, stale seminar/workshop in some boring classroom with desks and spirals to jot down notes. No, we’d much rather do it at a bad @#% local bar, bring in a great live band, have good food, strong drinks and a panel of hotties up on stage answering all the intimate questions girls always wanted to know and never get the chance to ask. We wanted to recreate the conversation that guys have when no girls are around… and we did just that!

The most compelling part of the night was the fact that our panel of young men unanimously confessed that the most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence, that if you’re comfortable in your own skin, there is nothing more sexy. It’s not about what you wear or what you look like as much as just being you that the most attractive. While there were certainly some other issues touched on: leaving baggage at the door, advice for the bedroom, and a mini lesson on honesty, the girls left with a mini cheat sheet into the world that is MAN.

Overall, the event was incredible. The turnout surpassed our expectations, the panel of guys was both hysterical and endearing, the band rocked, the audience was stoked and I think every guy and every girl in that room walked away with a kernel of insight into better understanding his or her counterpart. At the end of the day, men and women are different species with different languages and ways of communicating but, my goodness, what an incredible challenge it is to find that co-pilot for life, your adventure buddy and best friend who’s going to love you and all of your flaws.

So if you missed our first Man Panel, don’t worry, by the overwhelming responses we’ve gotten and the hoards of new questions already submitted, looks like there will be another soon on the horizon. In the meantime, next time you have the chance, ask the guys in your life, “What are some things you wish girls really understood about guys?” and, trust me, you’ll be teleported into a world you never knew existed.

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As most of you know, I grew up in a locker room of living rooms, aka a household with four older brothers. In high school, when I’d come home I’d more often than not walk into a living room of 15 guys playing video games, none of which were even my brothers. We kind of had a revolving door and it only shifted into the Jones College frat house as we got older.

And the beauty of growing up in the Jones’ household was that, more often than not, I gained fly on the wall status so I was privy to the real conversations guys have when they think no girls are listening. While these conversations would shock you, I truly think that they would give you insight to a sex that is so unbelievably unlike us that it’s fascinating to wonder how we’re ever supposed to find love with one another when we’re as different as birds and fish.

Either way, in college I was the “dude translator.” I grew a reputation for being the girl who could decipher the code that is man thought. Then it occurred to me that if there were more direct communication between men and women, we could drop the games, the mind manipulation and the miscommunication. I know way too many girls who have spent WAY too much time trying to figure out what he meant by the awkward hug at the end of the night.

The time we spend thinking about what he is actually thinking about is consuming, futile, and, 99% of the time, WRONG. So, rather than continue having the blind leading the blind, I figured, why not have an event where we bring in guys who will be honest, candid and forthright to give us insight into the brotherhood of masculinity?

Immediately I called up a few high profile boys here in Los Angeles who are also dear friends. I described the current dilemma of men and women not understanding one another. The best part is, while I thought I’d be calling in a favor, they were more than willing; in fact, they LOVED the idea.

So with that, THE MAN PANEL was created. We’re doing our first ever i am that girl event on May 31^st at the Westwood Brewing Company from 7-9pm. We’re bringing in a panel of guys and I’ll be hosting the event.

It’s the perfect girls night out and I guarantee you will not only laugh hysterically, but you’ll gain priceless insight on the male sex. Come join us and get your questions answered by the boys who know them best. It’s 15 bucks online and 18 at the door. We have a link to our Paypal account under “links” on the website and we want to get the word out so shout it from the roof tops, i am that girl presents, THE MAN PANEL… our insider’s guide to men, once and for all.

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Kristen Bell is hands down, awesome! She’s the kind of girl who’s easily misjudged, placed in the wrong box, and categorized with the other Comatose Barbies of the world because she’s the classic petite, gorgeous, blond bombshell with baby blue eyes. However, assumptions and stereotypes have a way of humbling those too quick to judge and I have no doubt Kristen often offers big pieces of humble pie for those who make that mistake with her.

We all know Kristen from things like Veronica Marz, Gossip Girl, Heroes and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But what you don’t know is this actress is the real deal, launching her professional career on Broadway (big deal). While the obvious is that she’s gorgeous, successful, rich, and famous; what’s far more compelling than what the world says is “important” about this Michigan cutie, is the girl she is inside.

Kristen Bell is smart, savvy and passionate about making a difference in this world. She recently flew to DC to rally alongside the boys who founded Invisible Children. Together they lobbied against the war in Uganda, for rebel leader (Joseph Kony) to be arrested, and for the child soldiers forced to fight against their wills to be freed.

Kristen is fighting for things bigger than herself, using her celebrity platform to change the world and providing positive female role models in the process. While we celebrate her on the big screen and applaud her on the red carpet, we must keep in mind that her waltz in the entertainment industry is but the icing on the cake of who she really is and what she really stands for. Kristen, we at i am that girl are honored to call you one of us. So keep saving the world, lady, because we will gladly follow your lead.

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I sat in a Executive Board meeting from 9am until almost one discussing you. Yes, those of you out in the cyber world reading my thoughts on this screen. Despite it being a gorgeous, perfect 80 degree, sunny California day, the board members and I patiently sat in an cold, austere room arguing over who YOU are and what you want from us. Now don’t get me wrong, the best part about loving what I do is that even the temptation of God’s gift to weather still isn’t enough enticement to prevent me from meticulously pounding out the details of this company and providing you with our very best as we seek to give ourselves a website makeover.

With all that said, we were working on creating a defined target market to draw a circle around our readers and hopefully, in about five adjectives, encapsulate the majority of you. It was only after our Saturday (yes we work on Saturday) that it occurred to me, that I myself am a walking contradiction. I don’t know about you but, depending on the weather, mood I’m in, who I just spoke to, where I’m at, what I’m wearing, I’ll give you a different adjective to describe myself every time.

For instance, last night I laid on my couch flipping back and forth between the adorablely sweet You’ve Got Mail, starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, and the incredulously gory Sci-Fi Chronicles of Riddick, staring Vin Diesel. Are you kidding me? You couldn’t get more opposite and, yet, as I lounged in sweat pants and a grubby ol’ t-shirt, painting my nails pink, there was something about each movie that spoke to me.

Now if you know anything about me, you know it’s my dream to be a real life, Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider. And yet, the hopeless romantic, southern bell is patiently awaiting her prince charming. Sometimes I want to be prim and proper, feminine and flighty, and sometimes I want to be a hard-core, cut the B.S. businesswoman. Yet despite the blatant contrast, I am the same girl, struggling to find out who I am and what I really want. Aren’t we all?

Life is such a crazy journey; it’s fascinating and terrifying, it’s hopeful and heartbreaking, it’s a roller coaster of highs and lows and, yet, maybe that’s the point.  We are a jumbled mess of juxtaposition on an adventure where we get to transform and grow and, somewhere along the way, all we want is a place where we can come and feel that we’re not alone. I want that for us, very much me included.

I know I write these obscure blogs and I sometimes sit and wonder who is out there actually reading them. I wonder where you are and what you look like. I ponder over what you do for a living and what in the universe drove you to this blog of all the millions in the world. I know I don’t know each of you personally, that I may not know what specifically is going on in your life, but I get it. I really, really do. Because I’m just as confused and lost, hopeful and optimistic, eager and scared. Despite knowing better, I struggle to have the perfect body, still need mega advice on my finances, and am searching for a “great guy,” who is nowhere to be found. There are times when I could take on the entire world and times when I’m terrified and crumble under the weight of a future of ambiguity and no guarantees.

All I’m saying is rather than treat you and i am that girl as a “business” and take traditional steps to “Identifying and capitalizing on our target demographic,” I’m going to treat you like a friend – one I may never even get the chance to meet face to face. I believe we need this place, a place for US to go… whoever we are. But I want us to be able to talk and share and use each other’s dim lanterns to shower more light on this treacherous life path.

So, I’m working on defying business standards and trusting that “If you build it, they will come.” We need you, we need all of you, because the most beautiful thing about life is that we have the option to share it with those around us.

Spread the world, because we’re on the brink of building us the most bad ass chick site to date.

photo by corrado alisonno

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Recently I was in Aspen attending an invite only CEO’s and Entrepreneurs under 35 conference, called The Summit. Not surprisingly, out of the 115 people attending, about 15 were women. Sadly, I think we have come to expect that women just aren’t in that top tier of business, or if they are, there are such few women that they typically make up less than five percent of any statistic.

I was fascinated by the social experiment that lay before me. What was it about this room full of insanely successful (especially for their age) young men? It took me back to seventh grade when Ryan Hatch asked Kara Crow to the Valentines dance and I was left wondering, “What does she have that I don’t?” The same question lingered in my mind as I watched a band of money making boys doing tequila shots at the bar; are you kidding me? What do they have that all my girlfriends lack?

It wasn’t until I had a conversation with one of the boys, Elliott Bisnow, the creator of The Summit and in his own right a master businessman, that new light was shed on my query. He said, “Yeah I’ve never understood it. In college, my best girlfriends were always the smartest people I knew. The only difference was that me and all my guy friends were always scheming, figuring out how to make money selling t-shirts, or hosting poker games. All we ever talked about was money and how we could make more of it.”

That’s when it dawned on me and I started asking all my girlfriends, my mom, sister-in-laws, women in the Starbucks line, any chick who would talk to me: why don’t we talk about money? And sure enough, most of the responses had something to do with the fear associated with being “money hungry.” It’s like it if we’re money conscious, then we’re heartless, maniacal,  and man-eating. So Instead, we are focused on getting dolled up, on why the Ryan Hatch’s of the world didn’t ask us to the dance, on discussing our latest diet endeavors (as though narcissism is a more acceptable reputation than greed).

And, ladies, I am so far from preaching about this from some soapbox because the moment I realized the necessity of money being a priority in my life, it occurred to me that, in creating and running this company, i am that girl, I have spent less than 5% of my time and attention on our finances. Are you kidding me?!?!

Now, I don’t know what kind of girl you are and whether you’re a fighter, but I am. I had a quarter-life epiphany and it could not have come at a better time in my life. I know NOTHING about money. I don’t know how to make it, save it, invest it and, as an adult, it’s important but, as a business owner, it’s ESSENTIAL. And for the record, just because I want a self-sustainable company, because I want to pay my employees very well, and I want to be able to afford the lavish lifestyle I live, does NOT make me a cold-hearted b-witch.

Here’s the deal: I had a male business executive tell me once, as we sat in the living room of his multimillion dollar San Diego mansion overlooking the ocean, “Money is a tool and no, it doesn’t buy happiness but it’s a pretty damn good down payment on it.” Maybe I don’t need oodles of money, but money is freedom and independence to do what you want, when you want, because you want. And the beauty is that money and passion are not mutually exclusive.

The challenge is on, money is power, and we here at i am that girl need power to reach all our sisters around the world. I’m on a mission to soak up years of lost “college scheming.” You may want to jump on this bandwagon because we’re on a mission to move mountains, very, very expensive ones.

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Moments after our engagement became official, I inquired if Ben had asked my father for my hand in marriage. “You didn’t?” I exclaimed, wide-eyed and concerned when he shook his head slowly. I assumed, given my traditional Italian upbringing, Ben would have adhered to customary etiquette and asked my dad out of respect. Despite the fact that Ben was already an honorary member of our family, I was nervous my dad might be slightly offended.

My fear worsened when, on the phone with my parents, Ben said, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first, Mr. Platino. It’s not really my style.” My cringe softened when I heard my dad laugh, but I still felt anxious. Now that Ben was going to be my husband, I worried my father’s expectations of him would exceed our contemporary perception of marriage.

Could my dad ever accept that, unlike him and all the men in our family, Ben’s proposal didn’t mean he would settle into a salaried career just to support me? After all, I didn’t expect that. If Ben suddenly dressed up and told me he was going to find a more suitable job, I would probably give him his ring back just to keep him the way he is.

Our engagement got me thinking about how perception changes the moment roles change. To my parents, Ben is the man that will now take care of me. He will be my “in case of emergency” and I can’t blame my father for looking at him a little differently — a little expectantly.

After my fiancé and I transplanted from upstate New York to Los Angeles without a cent in savings, I got sick. Searching for parental consoling one evening, I got a lecture regarding how neither of us have any health insurance. I could sense horror when I explained it is unlikely Ben will ever have the kind of job that will offer health benefits.

A few days later, Ben received a voicemail from my dad, requesting a return phone call. Nausea swept over my body and I imagined my dad discussing with Ben what it means to be a husband, a man, a provider. My nerves were tense all day and I wanted to call my dad to tell him to leave Ben alone — to have some faith in us as a couple.

When I innocently queried Ben that evening about what my father wanted, he casually looked up from the drawing he was working on. “Oh, he just called to say he loved us and if we ever need anything, he hopes we don’t hesitate to ask,” he replied. Ben squinted at me. “Did you tell him how broke we are?” I just shook my head, trying to hold back the tears.

In bed that night I couldn’t sleep. Even though it was 4 a.m. on the East Coast, I felt compelled to contact my dad. I just texted him a message saying “Thank you” and then settled in to finally feeling at peace.

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