I had my first taste of dating chivalry when I was 17. My mom balked that my boyfriend wasn’t picking me up for our date – even though our date was taking place near his home. I thought that was illogical. But as the relationship progressed, my boyfriend would often offer to go out of his way to pick me up, which had me swooning – he thought I was worth all the extra effort. For safety purposes, I typically don’t let a guy pick me up until the 3rd date. I’ve had bad experiences with dates dropping me off pulling the “can I use your restroom” excuse. After taking care of business they linger in anticipation of smoochy time. I don’t believe this move is in the “how to be a gentleman” handbook.

While we proudly wave our hands up in the air when Beyonce sings “all the women who are independent,” it’s also inherent for us to want to feel taken care of and protected.  Women and men are equal, but not the same. There are hundreds of biological differences between the sexes when it comes to gene expression in the brain. Women fought for equality, not to be male. Equality doesn’t mean women should be treated like dudes.

Several years back I went on a blind date that was wretched. Therefore, I offered to pay half, not only because I was disinterested, but I knew he didn’t have much money. He responded gleefully without the slightest pause, “Ok, because I know you’re the type of woman who would feel offended if I didn’t let you.” I’m sure the grimace on my face gave away what I was thinking, “You couldn’t be more WRONG; I simply feel guilty.” And, amazingly, he extended an offer for a second date.

The lazy man will use the “feminazis” as an excuse for not grabbing the check, holding open the door, offering his seat to an elderly or pregnant lady. No woman is insulted by a chivalrous action that is given as a sign of respect. I don’t know one girl that doesn’t adore a little old-fashioned gentlemanly care. It’s an act of celebrating women, not of degradation. The smart guys know these courteous acts create a rapturous effect.

A man taking off his ball cap in a female’s presence is outdated but being a gentleman will never go out of fashion. Politeness and common decency should always be practiced. I subconsciously add and subtract points from dates for considerate acts: opening doors, walking me to my car at the end of a date, seamlessly grabbing the check when the bill comes, unlocking and opening my car door first, acting like a valet in the rain by bringing the car curbside. A key aspect is to do it with great ease. When men make a big show of it or do it reluctantly it diminishes the spirit of the act, but I guess it’s better than not at all. I relish in chivalry because it makes men appear strong with a tender disposition – a good catch.

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President Obama signed his first bill into law on January 29: The Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. While this law effectively corrects former injustices, it remains to be seen whether it will work to prevent new pay discriminations against women.

Ledbetter’s story is a bittersweet one. After discovering a sizable difference in her pay from her male co-workers at Goodyear Tire, she took a stand and sued. Initially, her employer was found guilty and Ledbetter was awarded $3.2 million in damages. When her case was appealed and taken to the Supreme Court, the justices voted 5-4 against her because she had not filed her claim within 180 days of her first paycheck. However, it had been case precedent that this 180 day limit renewed with each discriminatory paycheck.

This bill cements the precedent into law. Essentially, it’s but a nod to the plight of Ledbetter. The court wronged her, did not follow precedent and used a loophole in order to rule in favor of her employer. And Ledbetter was not the first. Patricia Lorance, an Illinois factory worker in the 1970s, also lost her claim over discriminatory pay practices because of the 180 day time limit. The flaw of this new legislation is that it only looks backwards. It works to combat old strategies that employers have already used to keep from paying their employees their proper dues. But the damage has been done. Ledbetter will see none of the initial damages she was awarded or of the $200,000 she lost over the course of her career.

The opposition to this bill proves its necessity. Congressional Republicans blocked a former version of this bill and former President Bush even vowed to veto the bill if it passed. Opponents contended the law was problematic because relaxing time limits would encourage a flood of lawsuits and even encourage victims of discriminatory pay to postpone filing a claim in order to seek higher damages. These claims are empty. They are transparent efforts to shield businesses from paying their employees proper financial dues. Ledbetter’s case is evidence of employers relying on antiquated social relations to serve their own purposes of reaping larger profits. As Barbara Mikulski, the chief sponsor of the bill advised, “If you don’t want to be sued, don’t discriminate.”

In order to truly propel the standard of equal pay, this law must only be the first step. Creating legislation to mandate transparent business practices is another powerful step to take in the future. But the legal system is slow-moving and unwieldy. While women have new tools to keep their employers in check, Ledbetter’s story demonstrates that the law will not always protect the people. We must as individuals and as women take the initiative to always speak up, even if it is not in a courtroom. The passage of this law marks winning only one battle in the war. And perhaps then, it is fitting that this is the first bill President Obama has signed into law.
photo by clarissa

equal pay, equal rights, equality, Ledbetter, obama, women's rights Hide