I have always been my father’s daughter. When I was two and a half weeks old, my dad bundled me up and took me over to my grandma and grandpa’s house, a house I now call home. My grandparents, who had just retired, had raised three adult sons and in recent years, two grandsons. As I am frequently reminded, when I came into the picture their prayers were answered. Errol and Vilma finally got the baby girl they always wanted.

Danielle (far right) with her parents

Vilma Francis has been my biggest female role model. She was the women who basically raised me. The 24-hour babysitter my dad could always count on no matter the circumstance, she was truly a godsend and the only girl to relate to in a constant sea of boys. When my parents decided to call it quits when I was three, I decided I was going to be staying with my dad. I never took into account until much later how serious a choice that was for a little girl.

Kids at school would always ask me where my mom was. My mom was there occasionally to help out at PTA events in elementary school, but my grandma was the one who was well-known throughout the school. She helped during art classes, bake sales, and even went on field trips.

My dad never had to deal with the “girly” side of having a daughter, but when I was six, my grandma decided to get adventurous by planning a solo vacation to Europe. For two weeks the boys were left in charge. All I can really remember is my dad taking about 30 minutes every morning to do my hair and being forced to eat spaghetti and meat sauce for the entire hiatus.

When I first hit puberty, I wanted to talk to a female who was young, hip and more in tune with what was going on in the MTV culture. I wanted to dress and act like Christina Aguilera, but my family thought Shirley Temple would be more appropriate. When women’s issues began to appear, I decided to take the high road and just lay it on the table for my dad. He was as open as any man can be about that stuff, and let me know that he was there if I needed him.

My dad’s always been firm with me. Each week I had a designated time to clean my bedroom. If I didn’t finish it up to my father’s standards he would come in and throw away things he didn’t think I really needed. Too many unnecessary arguments have resulted because of those bedroom checks.

My dad has always been my toughest critic while remaining my hardest stone. His high expectations have taught me to be persistent. In high school a B were never good enough because I could have gotten an A. It has taken time to understand his logic, but I have seen the perks of his nagging.

Christina Aguilera, Danielle Francis, daughter, divorce, girly, grandparents, mtv Hide

We held our first event on Sunday night at the Westwood Brew Co and, despite the lack of sleep building up to the event, the butterflies in my stomach the morning of and the insanity of hosting in general, it simply could not have gone better. Our whole concept of the Man Panel originated out of a simple yet candid conversation I had with one of my closest guy friends over (pathetic to admit) why I haven’t dated in over a year. Naturally I have my personal excuses “I’m so busy” and my “high standards,” but the reality is that guys typically don’t ask me out.

My guy friend, who calls me “Jonsey,” had incredible insight on what messages I was sending, how I was coming across and the immediate walls I put up when first being introduced to a guy. And I’ll be honest, ladies, things I’ve NEVER thought of before were the very things I was doing that supposedly put guys in the friend zone before they even had a chance to dip their toe in the dating water.

After a sobering two hour conversation, incredible insight and revelations into my dating life, I realized that there really is a massive miscommunication going on between men and women. We say one thing and mean another; they do one thing and we think they mean another. We speak with subtle nuances and body language; they respond in ambiguous grunts and “huhs.” Regardless, the current men/women issue is not that we don’t love each other, that we don’t both want to have incredible relationships, or aren’t willing to work for them, it’s that they speak Mandarin Chinese and we speak Russian. Worse, we’re surprised when our miscommunication ends in yet another fight, argument or frustrating spat over why he did or didn’t do something that was really important to us.

The divorce rate is over 60% folks! I’m really not a fan of those odds. I think we seriously need to bridge the communication Grand Canyon gap that has chicks on one side and guys on the other. At the end of the day, we know that some 90% (a randomly made up, but you get the point statistic) fights are merely a miscommunication so let’s start translating and learning each other’s native tongues.

I think it’s JUST as important that guys learn to read and write girl talk as ladies need to fluently speak boy talk. Thus, the MAN PANEL was born. However, keep in mind that i am that girl is chick empowerment with an EDGE so naturally we weren’t going to do a dry, stale seminar/workshop in some boring classroom with desks and spirals to jot down notes. No, we’d much rather do it at a bad @#% local bar, bring in a great live band, have good food, strong drinks and a panel of hotties up on stage answering all the intimate questions girls always wanted to know and never get the chance to ask. We wanted to recreate the conversation that guys have when no girls are around… and we did just that!

The most compelling part of the night was the fact that our panel of young men unanimously confessed that the most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence, that if you’re comfortable in your own skin, there is nothing more sexy. It’s not about what you wear or what you look like as much as just being you that the most attractive. While there were certainly some other issues touched on: leaving baggage at the door, advice for the bedroom, and a mini lesson on honesty, the girls left with a mini cheat sheet into the world that is MAN.

Overall, the event was incredible. The turnout surpassed our expectations, the panel of guys was both hysterical and endearing, the band rocked, the audience was stoked and I think every guy and every girl in that room walked away with a kernel of insight into better understanding his or her counterpart. At the end of the day, men and women are different species with different languages and ways of communicating but, my goodness, what an incredible challenge it is to find that co-pilot for life, your adventure buddy and best friend who’s going to love you and all of your flaws.

So if you missed our first Man Panel, don’t worry, by the overwhelming responses we’ve gotten and the hoards of new questions already submitted, looks like there will be another soon on the horizon. In the meantime, next time you have the chance, ask the guys in your life, “What are some things you wish girls really understood about guys?” and, trust me, you’ll be teleported into a world you never knew existed.

communication, divorce, event, i am that girl, iatg, iatg event, man panel, relationship, westwood brewing company Hide

Ever had to turn down a date because you had to work or we’re just too tired after the daily grind at the office to muster up the energy for an evening out? For women of our generation, the drive to pursue a career often outweighs the importance of relationships. Our ability to be economically independent and dream-driven is a hard won necessity, but in the US, where we work more than any other industrialized country, new issues are arising. Career women are staying single longer, marrying later, and divorcing more.  In our generation, is loneliness the price of success?

The Sex and the City film and series candidly depicts this cultural conundrum as it chronicles the lives of four single gals in New York, and the romantic dilemmas they face as career women in post-sexual revolution America.  While the HBO show exaggerated female promiscuity, it did accurately portray the fact that successful workingwomen are, in reality, marrying later.

In the Australian book Man Drought and Other Social Issues of the New Century, Bernard Salt asserts “the average age of marriage for women (has risen) from 21 in 1971 to 29 today.” But what’s unique about our generation’s career women is that we are more likely than men to put achievement before romantic relationship.

In a Scientific Journal study entitled “Gender Issues,” researchers interviewed 237 undergraduates asking them “to rate the importance of goals such as financial success, career, education and contribution to society, as well as goals such as romantic relationships, marriage, children, and friendship.” They found that 61% of men prioritized romantic relationships above achievement, compared to only 51% of women.

This trend implies that in order for women to pursue their careers, they feel they have to do it alone. Perhaps it’s because relationships take an overwhelming amount of time, and, if put before your grades, a looming project, or long hours, can result in lower performance level.  It’s simply easier to focus when you don’t have to be responsible to someone else.

The issue of childbearing also forces many women to establish their careers in their twenties, holding off having a child until their early 30s. Putting in the long hours required to climb the corporate ladder is much easier without having to take care of a child at the same time.  Not to mention that, should a woman choose to start a family, she may need to take a leave of absence from her job, which can be detrimental in many competitive careers.

It’s hard for women to find men who value our careers as much as their own. In the Forbes article, “Careers and Marriage,” Michael Noer suggests that if men want a happy marriage they shouldn’t marry a career woman. He points to studies that state that we’re more likely to get divorced and be unhappy if we have children – not exactly the kind thing a lady would want a man to read before a night of speed dating.

The phenomenon Noer speaks of is directly related to the fact that men’s gender ideology has yet to catch up with women’s shifting role in society, according to UC Berkeley professor Arlie Hoschild. In her study The Second Shift, she found that ideology surrounding gender roles tends to make or break modern relationships.  If the man has egalitarian views toward women, he tends to value her career as much as his own and will help out with the “second shift” of housework and child rearing. If the man, has traditional gender views, he expects the woman to make sacrifices in her career to shoulder the entire “second shift.” She found that this caused bitterness and resentment in relationships, sometimes resulting in divorce.

So ladies, it appears we can take some advice from Carrie Bradshaw, and invest in good girlfriends and sexy shoes, as most likely the path to our careers will be paved by single-dom. In the meantime, establish yourself and your career; enjoy dating and discovering the values that you desire in a partner. And someday, when the timing is right, you just might find a man who shares your ideas of success and ultimate fabulousness, whatever those may be.

arlie hoschild, bernard salt, Birds and Bees, career, career women, carrie bradshaw, dating, divorce, man drought, marriage, michael noer, romance, sex and the city, the second shift Hide