As most of you know, I grew up in a locker room of living rooms, aka a household with four older brothers. In high school, when I’d come home I’d more often than not walk into a living room of 15 guys playing video games, none of which were even my brothers. We kind of had a revolving door and it only shifted into the Jones College frat house as we got older.

And the beauty of growing up in the Jones’ household was that, more often than not, I gained fly on the wall status so I was privy to the real conversations guys have when they think no girls are listening. While these conversations would shock you, I truly think that they would give you insight to a sex that is so unbelievably unlike us that it’s fascinating to wonder how we’re ever supposed to find love with one another when we’re as different as birds and fish.

Either way, in college I was the “dude translator.” I grew a reputation for being the girl who could decipher the code that is man thought. Then it occurred to me that if there were more direct communication between men and women, we could drop the games, the mind manipulation and the miscommunication. I know way too many girls who have spent WAY too much time trying to figure out what he meant by the awkward hug at the end of the night.

The time we spend thinking about what he is actually thinking about is consuming, futile, and, 99% of the time, WRONG. So, rather than continue having the blind leading the blind, I figured, why not have an event where we bring in guys who will be honest, candid and forthright to give us insight into the brotherhood of masculinity?

Immediately I called up a few high profile boys here in Los Angeles who are also dear friends. I described the current dilemma of men and women not understanding one another. The best part is, while I thought I’d be calling in a favor, they were more than willing; in fact, they LOVED the idea.

So with that, THE MAN PANEL was created. We’re doing our first ever i am that girl event on May 31^st at the Westwood Brewing Company from 7-9pm. We’re bringing in a panel of guys and I’ll be hosting the event.

It’s the perfect girls night out and I guarantee you will not only laugh hysterically, but you’ll gain priceless insight on the male sex. Come join us and get your questions answered by the boys who know them best. It’s 15 bucks online and 18 at the door. We have a link to our Paypal account under “links” on the website and we want to get the word out so shout it from the roof tops, i am that girl presents, THE MAN PANEL… our insider’s guide to men, once and for all.

Birds and Bees, communication, courtship, dating, i am that girl, iatg, los angeles, love, man panel Hide

As a generation of overachievers, we feel entitled to have the perfect life the moment we envision it. Everything must be accessible at the speed of a mouse click, and the lives we embark on must provide a clear route to our future. Gen Y has no patience for ambiguity, and this includes our personal lives. Courtship has always been one huge gray area, especially in its beginning stages when we don’t know where the flirtation is going. So to allay the stress of the unknown, we have those infamous DTRs – the “define the relationship” talks. But what do those talks really mean? And if we’re confident in our feelings, are those labels really necessary?

The always awkward talks arise from our need for definitions, boundaries, and tangibility. A bit of mystery characterizes every romance – it’s what makes the chase so thrilling and the other person so intriguing. Yet there comes a time when the mystery gets old. The unknown is unnerving, particularly when it comes to emotions (where we’re the most vulnerable). With our hearts on the line, we need to know where we stand in the other’s eyes. And the only way to achieve that is to put ourselves out there and ask the inevitable, “So what are we doing with each other?”

But whether we’re the initiators or the avoiders of those conversations, we need to first determine if we’re ready for such demarcation. As a generation, we don’t like to waste our time. Our lives must be planned out as soon as we graduate, that new job must put us on the fast track to our dream career, and any significant other must be worthy of the long term or we don’t date at all. We don’t gamble our futures, so the pressure to solidify or deny the uncertain really puts us in a corner when it comes to our emotional well-being.

There are those whose need for structure takes over, and they rush into romantic situations for which they’re not prepared. We all know someone who has been blindsided into the girlfriend status (or perhaps someone who has done the blindsiding). And any pairings that arise from those instances are doomed to fail.

Then there are those like me, who will deny until their dying day all romantic entanglements. It’s the flip side of our generation’s intolerance for ambiguity—a fear-of rather than a compulsion-for definition. If all that matters is emotions, why do we need to pin them down when we’re sure of what we feel? Unfortunately deliberate ignorance is also an equation for catastrophe. Resolving nothing, it only pushes aside those pesky matters of the heart until they rear their messy heads again.

Though uncomfortable to the max, “define the relationship” talks are crucial to developing healthy romantic interactions. We’re not the only ones whose hearts are at stake, and we can’t forget about the other person’s feelings in our selfish quests for specificity or denial. But timing is everything here. Having these conversations too soon or too late in the courtship may spell disaster. Progress happens in due time. If your partner isn’t ready for a certain label, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to kick you to the curb. Relax and enjoy the courtship. Bode your time, take heed of your emotions, and most importantly, listen to your partner.

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It was Spring Semester of my freshman year at college and I was going on a date with Andrew, an older guy whom I’d met at a fraternity/sorority function. I waited anxiously in the lobby of my dorm, checking myself out in the mirror that lined the back wall, making sure that my hair was in place and my dress wasn’t on backwards. Andrew picked me up and we embarked on a magical evening of intimate glances over dinner, waves breaking on the sand, and a lingering goodnight kiss when he finally delivered me back to my door.

The night had been perfect except for one thing – that’s not how it really happened. In truth, while I did meet Andrew at the fraternity/sorority function, I had also made out with him that night, and while he did pick me up at my dorm, he was twenty minutes late. When I got in the car he said something about how “awesome” the other night had been, and while the dinner was delicious, the conversation was far from thought provoking and the kiss goodnight was more of a full-on attack of the tongue.

Needless to say, that was the last time I went on a date with Andrew. What surprises me is that in all four years of college that was the last time I went on an actual date, period.

That’s not to say I didn’t have my fair share of flirty fun. Guys bought me drinks, but it wasn’t over dinner; I was taken on weekend getaways, but it was with twenty other “couples” and our “chariot” was a yellow school bus; guys asked me to dance at the local bars, but as a form of foreplay, setting the stage to boogie down between the sheets later that night. Looking back, courtship in college was well, a sinking vessel. In the world of dorm rooms, dining halls, TAs, and “Thirsty Thursdays,” has traditional romance fallen off the radar?

Maybe our antennae are simply tuned to a different channel. The idea of going to college with husband hunting on the brain is about as passé as the Partridges. The courtship rituals of our parents’ youths have evolved past recognition, so consider college as your chance to learn the new rules. It’s true that handwritten letters have been replaced by text messaging, and it’s likely that all stages of any relationships will be broadcast on Facebook. With love in a whole new ballpark, it’s no surprise that graduating unwed, unengaged, and even unattached, is the norm.

Now cynics, postpone your victory party – romance is not dead. Rather, the four years that were once used to find your husband are now the four years used to find yourself.  So don’t waste your time being disappointed that Prince Charming hasn’t ridden his white horse into your cafeteria hall. He’s out there somewhere but, for the time being, he’s probably boozing it up with his frat brothers, which gives you plenty of time to live it up with your girlfriends until he’s slept off his massive four-year hangover called college.

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The technological revolution has brought many changes in society.  Porn pours into the bedrooms of junior high boys, internet cafes buzz with the click clack of lighting fast fingers, emails dominate workplace communication, and text messages serve as courtship in our newly defined “info dating age.” This new dating age is characterized by many men who no longer use the antiquated form of communication known as the phone and, instead, use texting to pursue a woman.  With the rapid spread of this dating phenomenon a burning question arises – in our generation, has textship replaced courtship?

It seems the proliferation of texting has allowed for male communication to evolve, or perhaps de-evolve, into short, succinct, faceless phrases. Many modern men prefer this type of communication, creating society’s newest specimen, “the textguy.” He follows a new form of courtship, which is a slightly less personal version of the former way of dating. The textguy’s initial overtures of interest are always through a text message.

In some cases, this initial form of contact will work, as many women understand that the textguy may be afraid of rejection, and therefore, initially ask her out via text.  But this first contact can also indicate that the guy didn’t have the guts to have a real conversation.  These initial forms of communication via text can indicate that a girl’s new pursuant is a dreaded “textguy” – a guy who only pursues through shallow communication techniques.

The textguy is also infamous for following a date with a text check-up.  This is the text sent after the first date, or initial stages of dating, to show he’s thinking of you. Now, the text check-up, in-and-of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing, and, if coupled with other forms of communication, can be cute and sweet.   The textguy can however, cease to evolve past the text check-up, instead he furthers this with the text “convo.”

The text “convo” is the phase of the courtship where the male would generally be calling to chat and engage in conversation. The textguy, however, engages in long text conversations of humorous phrases, playful flirting, and general chatting that leaves your thumbs sore and makes you wonder why he didn’t just call if he had that much to say?

“Calling takes too much work,” said a typical textguy. Apparently, it requires constant attention and longer phrases, which can mandate a certain amount of effort. Not all text guys don’t want to put forth effort, they just need some time before they evolve into phone guys and relationship guys. But, in order for a textship to blossom into a relationship, the textguy has to eventually become a phone guy, otherwise the text breakup is in order.

This is where its time to take matters into your own hands, quite literally of course.  It only takes a few seconds and some simple text phrasing like, “It’s just not working so take care out there,” to painlessly dump a textguy, almost as painlessly as he’d pursued you.

But just like the texts themselves, more questions arise from this illusive form of communication, making me wonder, if in the info dating age text sex will replace phone sex? Unless the textguy’s evolution allowed for an adaptation which allows him to be incredibly ambidextrous, this could be the one area where he’ll compromise and pick up the phone.

Birds and Bees, cell phone, communication, courtship, date, dating, technology, texting Hide