I weighed almost 200 pounds, I was a size 14, and I didn’t feel fat. In my early twenties, when I’d first gained the weight, I battled with feeling bad about myself, my clothes didn’t fit well, and I just felt ugly. But with a little Feminist-induced self-esteem, by my mid-twenties, I had embraced my body and learned to love my big butt…and belly…and thighs. I had decided my body wasn’t going to change, and so I should just settle in and love myself for who I am.

As I approached my thirties, I started to rethink things. I was becoming more aware of the dangers of extra body fat in terms of heart health, as well as how difficult it is to lose weight as we age. Adults tend to gain about two pounds a year, so I thought, I should get to losing. I decided I could afford 60 pounds, which would bring me to about 140. For a woman who is 5’4,” that seemed reasonable.

In addition to yoga, I joined a gym and started tracking what I was eating. I was initially hesitant to declare my new-found goals. After being the token “love your body no matter what your size” woman, I didn’t want people to think I was losing weight out of hate for my body, but rather out of love for it! My fears were actualized when acquaintances and friends responded with, “Why do you want to lose weight?”

I brushed off the comments and stuck with my goal. The first ten pounds came off with little effort. Then, I hit a plateau. I added weight and circuit training and higher intensity cardio – another 10 lbs, gone! Then, I stalled again. I responded by adding more fiber to my diet like fruits, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates, and I tried to stay in the 1,500-1,800 calorie range (which is perfectly healthy for a woman my size).

Evaluating my relationship to food, I noticed I would reach for a glass of wine and macaroni ‘n cheese when stressed, which ultimately made me feel worse. I combated these habits by ensuring I got at least eight hours of sleep every night and concentrated on keeping my work and personal life in balance. I also started drinking more water. All the while, feeling great about the fact that for the first time in over ten years, I could run 3.5 miles!

With a good amount of dedication, I am now half way to my goal and weigh about 165 pounds. And, people have started to notice. Comments like, “Wow, you look amazing” or, “Hi skinny Minnie” (my personal favorite) have been encouraging. People have recognized the positive shifts in my life and, because I feel good, it is radiating in my physical appearance as well.

Of course, I have also received negative comments. “Wow, you are looking really skinny” (scrunched-up judgmental face). Or, “You eat like a bird,” when I am eating nuts and an apple. Although these reactions have been few and far between, they certainly drudged up my initial fears about starting this process in the first place. I wanted people to understand I was changing my lifestyle out of love for my body – not just trying to look good.

I have to admit, as those single digit dress sizes come into view, vanity is kicking in a bit. If I have some degree of control over my body size, how do I want to look? Setting aside, or at least trying to, all of the images that society has handed me, I ask myself, what is my own standard for health and beauty? Is it okay to want to be “skinny”?

While I still believe that being a particular size will not bring me ultimate contentment and fix all of my body woes, one of the most important shifts that I have noticed is my level of confidence. Although I never felt “fat,” I had accepted that my body was in control of itself, it wasn’t going to change, and I was at the whim of my emotional needs when it came to food.

With a little education and hard work, I am learning what my body really needs to be healthy and it is not being skinnier that is making me feel different. It is the process of making smarter choices and creating a better mentality around eating, exercise, and my interactions with myself and others. Losing weight is simply a symptom of changing myself from the inside.

Do you want to contribute like Kelly has? Email our editor-in-chief, Kenzie Rochelle, with your article and see our Contribute link for more details

photo by d sharon pruitt

Every time I turn on the T.V., there’s an ad for the newest fad diet, workout equipment, or special pill promising to make you perfectly toned “just in time for swimsuit season.”  Yeah, right. These ads promote an unhealthy relationship between you and your body: nothing is ever good enough. Before embarking on that outrageous cabbage soup diet or, worse yet, a fast, check yourself.  Is it your body or your mind that needs a workout?

Whether you’re a size 2 or 22, you can choose how you want others to see your body, and it starts with how you see yourself:

• Accept who you are, not what you should be. Ask who defines my ideal of perfection? What is good enough for my standards? It’s time to find out what you want to be, beyond what you look like in a swim suit.
• Change the way you talk to yourself. Get rid of the “should-a, could-a, would-a’s.” Start living in the now! Begin by adding “but” to the end of these sentences with yourself and add in something positive you did today. (ie: “I should have gone to the gym but having dinner with my parents was more important.”) As stupid as this may sound, over time it changes the way you feel about yourself and the decisions you make.
• Recognize your progress. Write down (and read) something positive about what you are accomplishing each day. “I am learning to take care of my body by running this morning.”
• Fake it till you make it. If you exude confidence, even if it’s in the way you carry yourself, people will respond to it.  If you talk in a low, soft voice, don’t maintain eye contact, and are slouched, especially in a swimsuit, people will assume you’re insecure.  By making direct eye contact, people will spend more time looking at your face than your “problem areas.” You may even see that, when you just stand up straight, that little tummy you are worried about disappears.
• Don’t make food the enemy. Starving yourself will only lead to being cranky and, when you begin eating anything “normal again,” you are bound to put the weight back on. When you’re trying to curb a craving, take a walk instead. After you workout your serotonin boosts and makes you feel better. Serotonin is the “feel good neurotransmitter.” Eating protein and working out naturally boosts this neurotransmitter, which in turn makes you feel better.
• Write a list of all your INTERNAL positive qualities. Put it on your mirror and read them to yourself every morning. It’s not all about the outside. Regardless of what you look like, your inner confidence is most important; it radiates on your outer beauty.

All in all, don’t jump out of the pool and wrap yourself in a towel, or worse yet a floaty.  Be proud of who you are, curves and all.  When you truly believe in yourself and love your body, flaws and all, others will too.  Your positive energy and confidence will out shine whatever you are (or aren’t) wearing.

Understandably, stars are victims of media scrutiny—females especially. Quite often, they are held to unrealistic beauty standards. If they are unable to maintain or achieve a rail-thin, waif-like appearance, they are scorned by society. It’s no wonder eating disorders and unhealthy lifestyles are rampant in Hollywood.

When photos of a more full-figured Jessica Simpson surfaced in January, the media mocked and ridiculed her endlessly. Even Barack Obama commented on Simpson’s “weight battle” in an interview with Matt Lauer. Outraged by the barrage of negative comments, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Simpson’s sister, wrote on her site, “I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all woman to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on FOX News… All women come in different shapes, sizes and forms and because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.”

Admittedly, Simpson’s outfit was in the least bit flattering. However it doesn’t justify the cruelty and body bullying that surrounded her. Quite frankly, the media and public should be less critical towards women. Ashlee continues, “How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?” Despite the weight-ism, Jessica Simpson is confident and comfortable in her own skin. More importantly, she is happy with herself.

Body bullying is nothing new in the entertainment world. Celebrities such as Kelly Clarkson, Britney Spears, Tyra Banks, and Jennifer Love Hewitt are just a few of the famous ladies who have been the butt of countless weight jokes. It’s human nature to notice and observe drastic changes in celebrity appearance but it’s another thing to judge and criticize them harshly. The negative commentary surrounding “fat” celebrities truly has a damaging ripple effect.

Both Banks and Hewitt have both publicly discussed their much-publicized-weight gain for the sake of younger girls. Being labeled “ugly” and “disgusting” for a slight fluctuation in weight is disconcerting and sends wrong messages about body image. Unlike us, celebrities don’t have the luxury to choose which photos the world gets to see. Many times, unflattering celeb photos are a direct result of bad angles and poor styling decisions. Or maybe stars like Britney and Kelly aren’t obsessing over what they eat and how long they spend at the gym.

What can average girls take from all this? Be healthy and embrace who you are. What matters is that you feel good about yourself. Jennifer Love Hewitt couldn’t have said it better. “Not everyone can be super tall and super skinny. You have to look inside yourself and find your own confidence.” C’mon ladies, let’s stop with the body bashing and redefine what real beauty is.

The first thing you might notice about 22 year old Leah Fortgang is her peaches and cream complexion, her raven colored hair that flows past her waist, or her vivacious smile full of perfect white teeth. It seems almost shocking that a girl with a face born to grace magazine covers could ever have considered herself “flawed” and that she didn’t “come out right.”

When Leah was in the seventh grade she made a disturbing observation that her right breast didn’t seem to fill out her bra the same way her left one did. The older she got the larger her left breast grew, ending up with one A cup and one large C cup. While boobs are like snowflakes (no two the same), they usually closely resemble each other. Doctors are unsure what causes the kind of dramatic difference that Leah experienced, but she was assured that her “deformity” was covered by her health insurance.

Puberty is hard for everyone, but Leah spent a lot of time hiding herself and padding her bras, not to mention hating her body. Losing her virginity at 14 only added to her insecurities and she “felt like essentially my breast area should be of no interest to those guys. It just added to the feeling that I wasn’t worth very much…my chest area should be ignored and something I should be forgiven for.”

It wasn’t until she was about 18 that she got the wake-up call. She was hooking up with her current love interest and made a derogatory comment about herself only for him to quickly respond, “You know what? I think your breasts have character.” Suddenly it dawned on her that being different and having “character” were things that she liked about herself.

Now Leah has spent a lot of time concentrating good feelings toward her physical appearance. While she could have cosmetic surgery to either increase the size of one or reduce the size of the other, for the time being, she’s decided she likes them just they way they are. She’s even ditched the padding. She admits that it’s frustrating that she can’t always buy the clothes she wants to wear but “being cool with it makes me feel even better about myself.” She’s also come to realize that guys really don’t seem to notice as much as she always thought they did because “they’re still boobs.”

While Leah sports her rockin’ figure with loads of confidence now, she hasn’t forgotten the long dark road she had to walk first. She was “stoked” to do this interview because she hoped she could help someone else in a similar situation. She wants other girls to know, “If you get into this pattern where you really hate something about yourself and everyday you look in the mirror and you’re unhappy, it sucks…It’s your body and you can make your own decision how you feel about it.”

August is a contributing writer with i am that girl who works as a nutritional therapist and lives the life of DREAMING BIG.  To see more from August, visit www.lahealthworks.com.

Ruth Handler, however, creator of Barbie and founder of Mattel Toys, was dismayed that little girls had very limited options when it came to playthings. They could either play “mommy” with their baby dolls, or cut and paste fashions for their paper dolls. Handler wanted to give girls a sturdy doll that would enable them to fantasize about their grown-up lives, hopefully encouraging them to explore their many options.

Despite these noble intentions, Barbie’s roots are entirely sordid. While vacationing with her family in Lucerne, Switzerland, Handler stumbled across Barbie’s prototype a la Pretty Woman. That’s right, Barbie’s ancestor was a girl named Lilli, a gag gift styled after a famed prostitute character starring in a tabloid comic strip. Handler brought her home, cleaned her up, and gave her a college education, a career, and one hell of a wardrobe. Voila! An American Icon stepped onto the public stage.

It’s true that Barbie has run the gambit of identities from President to Sea World Trainer to utter airhead. (Anyone remember talking Barbie? “Math class is tough!”)  She’s also been a platform for feminist issues, both pro and con, body issues large and small. How can one hunk of molded plastic represent so many things?

The reality is that “Barbie” is just a mirror of us. It’s our own imaginations, ideas, insecurities, fears, hopes, dreams that we assign to her. It’s true her epic proportions have had negative effects on little girls that will never achieve her figure. However, isn’t it also a telling sign that the first generation of girls to grow up with Barbie-fever also went on to be the largest group of working women, holding the highest number of powerful positions in history to date?

Why can’t Barbie have big breasts and a big brain? It seems, as a society, we are afraid of letting women be both things, relegating beautiful women to sex objects and telling the smart girls they have to look like men to compete with them.

Perhaps sometimes Barbie forgets to care about the starving children in Africa because she’s more concerned with her party dress. Perhaps once in a while she says the wrong thing, or forgets her homework, or throws caution to the wind for a wild romantic weekend with Ken. Haven’t we all made mistakes that inherently make us human? Sure, she’s plastic, but she’s had a long life and probably has plenty of regrets.

I say Barbie is still a Bellist, deep down, despite perhaps being a little carried away with her Jonathan Adler inspired Pink Carpet party at her real-life Malibu Dream House. She’s worked hard and she deserves to be celebrated today for the good deeds she’s done…if only to be criticized tomorrow.

I see taking my friends and family members shopping as a challenge to find something that fits their unique body perfectly. Perhaps it’s a gift, or perhaps I’ve just watched too many episodes of What Not to Wear. Whatever the reason, I love showing women how to embrace their bodies and witness them light up with self confidence when they realize you can look beguiling in clothes as long as you make the right choices.

Here are my best tips on how to showcase your body and look flattering in your clothes:

Feature Presentation.
The first step to looking good in your clothes is to pick out your best feature and put it front and center. Love your cute butt? Draw attention to it by wearing a great pair of fitted jeans (just make sure there’s still room to comfortably sit). Fond of your décolletage? Flaunt it by sporting a V-neck top.

Don’t Go Baggy.
Your first inclination may be to cover up flaws with baggy clothes, but big shapes only make you look bigger. So pick clothes tight enough to show your figure, but loose enough to still be comfortable and cover problem areas.

Find Body Balance.
The rules of proportion are extremely important when choosing your outfit. Try and balance out your upper and lower half. If you’re big-busted, wear an A-line skirt to give your bottom half a little volume and pair it with a fitted top. Larger in the hips? Slip on fitted jeans with a flowing, voluminous top that hits right at the hip-line.

Camouflage.
It’s true — black can make your body appear slimmer. In fact, all dark colors tend to minimize, while bright colors highlight. So if you’re trying to cover a big bottom, don’t step out in white pants. Instead opt for dark jeans or black slacks. Don’t forget patterns – they can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If you’re short, a patterned top can draw the eye upwards and make you appear taller, and a patterned skirt can actually add curves to a boyish figure.

Go A-line.
The A-line shape works well for pretty much any body type (especially pear-shaped), so it’s a foolproof choice. If you’re out shopping and at a loss, look for a knee-length A-line skirt or dress (fitted at the hips and looser through the thighs).

Any body can look like a good body. Instead of cursing your big thighs or pear shape, learn to embrace your body with the clothes you choose. What you wear on the outside is a direct reflection of how you feel on the inside, so show everyone you’re proud of those curves with each outfit you choose!

“Well the guy I am dating is playing games, and I totally thought the ball was in my court… He was calling religiously and being so attentive, now I am finding myself doing most of the work.  This is so not like me.”

We talk a little more.  Her weight has not budged, but her eating is definitely not normal. One day she will eat rice cakes and sugar free gum.  The next she will have three calorically sound meals.  When things are going well with this new guy, and school isn’t stressing her out she eats well. When things are out of control, she’s taking it out on her diet, and consequently her health.

The relationship that you have with food is indicative of other relationships in your life, including your body. Many of us who are finding it hard to manage our stress turn inward and attempt to take control over our eating habits since the outside world is seemingly beyond anything we can handle.

When you find yourself eating irregularly (too little, too much, too random) or feel that your body is out of control take a look at other factors that could be contributors.

“My clothes are too tight.” Really? Did you gain 5 pounds in your sleep last night? What else is going on?  What is this “tightness” that you are not able to take hold of in other aspects of your life?  Often times life transitions are indicative of this feeling.
•    Maintain your schedule. Whether it’s your morning workout or your weekly girls’ night, consistency is key.
•    Schedule consistent meal times and when you know you won’t make it, bring a balanced snack. Missing meals can make you moody, intensifying insecurities.

“I feel guilty about what I’m eating.” What do you really feel guilty about? Are you being untruthful about something?  Have you been putting something off… like calling your grandmother or finally ending it with your ex?
•    Take inventory of your life. What have you been avoiding? Take a few hours to get these checked off your mental to do list.  Praise yourself for accomplishing them.
•    Be honest about your diet. If you’ve been on the fast food fast track, getting some good old fashion nutrition will do wonders for your mental health. If not, it’s really important to revisit some of those issues discussed above.

When Jen sees the connection she’s flabbergasted. “I cannot believe I let this guy affect me this much.” By examining the situation she came to see that she holds the power and, over time, she will build a better connection with her body and mind.

photo by maddest hatter photos

Have you ever gone in for one bite of post-breakup ice cream and had it turn into an entire carton? We all know what its like to overeat. In fact, it’s normal to do so occasionally. But when these little hiccups in our diets turn into frequent caloric feasts, hunger is no longer the issue.  Eating to this extreme could be a sign that an eating disorder may be present.

When I think of an eating disorder, I automatically picture a frail young woman reminiscent of an Ashley Olsen intervention. Binge-eating disorder is quite the opposite, and often is an issue for obese and overweight individuals; however, those who are normal weight may also suffer. Binge-eating involves eating large amounts of food (sometimes up to 20,000 calories), eating until one is uncomfortably full, eating rapidly, hording and hiding food, and is accompanied by feelings of disgust, guilt, sadness, disappointment, and anger after the binge.

The word “binge” is usually associated with Bulimia, which is similar, except one purges (via vomiting, laxatives, or excessive exercise) afterwards. Both of these eating disorders are part of an addictive relationship with food, but food is not the source of the problem. Most professionals agree that binging is directly related to unresolved issues that the eater is attempting to keep at bay or could even be unaware of. It is not uncommon for many who suffer from this to have low self-esteem, depression, and other unresolved, deep-rooted issues.

One of my teenage clients described binging like this: “It’s like something takes over me, and I have no control. I can’t even think logically about what I am doing, and before I know it I have had an entire meal… For a family of four!”

It is very likely that someone you know suffers from a binge eating disorder. Due to embarrassment, and/or denial, it’s possible that no one else even knows it’s going on, but if you do know of someone who suffers from this, or if you yourself are battling the binge, remember that it’s never to late to start recovery.

These disorders are not resolved on their own; it takes a lot of work to become healthy again. Professional help, often by a team of specialists, is generally needed. However, there are some things that can be done on your own to minimize your desire to binge.
•    Eat breakfast. Spreading out calories throughout the day helps ward off hunger and the craving to binge.
•    Avoid yo-yo dieting. It only adds to feelings of restriction and frustration.
•    Occupy your time with activities that get you out of the house and around others.
•    Stay connected with close friends and family; don’t isolate yourself

Most importantly, if you find yourself in the middle of a binge, or while you’re polishing off that package of Oreos, ask yourself “Why am I still eating?”  Remember that you are a strong person, and asking for help doesn’t make you weak, in fact it shows that you are strong enough to recognize the problem and want to fix it.

photo by rosie hardy