As Juliet once pondered her star-crossed lover’s unlucky surname, engaged women muse over their own. “What’s in a name?” the young Capulet cried. “Everything and nothing,” modern women respond.

A growing trend for present-day wives is to keep their maiden names after marriage. Shirking convention, these brides choose their birth names to wave the flag for women everywhere. Though marriage historically calls for a woman to leave her family in exchange for dowry,  current Western unions don’t rely on these practices. Rather, contemporary brides stick it to the man by sticking with what they were given.

A wife of 3 years, Erin East never doubted her surname. “I have always firmly believed in gender equality, not only in mind but in action,” East declares. “I was born ‘Erin East’ for this lifetime, from birth to the final transition.”

But for those who may view this reason as feminist hogwash, this existential issue is far more complex than reducing these women to Feminazis. Instead, women primarily keep their name as a semiotic act to preserve their identity.

“Everything I’ve done in my life is under my birth name,” Annie Lee reflects. “If I write a book or do something great some day, I want my name to go with it, not someone else’s.”

Mary Ann Nguyen-Kwok, who recently hyphenated her name after retaining her maiden name, echoes Lee’s sentiment: “Having spent most of my life with my name, it represents who I am. If I became Mrs. Sam Kwok, I would be losing myself. I mean, who is that? There is no part of me in that name.”

And name-preservation isn’t purely egocentric. For Katie McKissick, who plans to marry next year, her family makes up a huge part of her identity. She reveals, “I come from a big family, and I’m proud of my Irish heritage. There was only one McKissick family that came to America, so the name is rare and unique. If I change my name, I would feel like I was separating from my family.”

Yet family is also a reason to alter one’s name. Tenica Peterfreund took her husband’s name because it concretized her marriage and the creation of a new family with him. She says, “Changing my last name makes me feel more like a wife. I share my life with Brian, so he defines me in many ways. Taking his last name solidifies that feeling.”

Susan Kwok agrees: “A name change was an outward symbol of associating myself with my husband as our own family unit.”

In the end though, a name is just a name, and these women understand that it has little to do with character. Phoebe Chuason, who kept her surname, says, “[Name-changing] is a personal choice. I have friends who took their husband’s last name, and I don’t feel like they’ve sold out.”

Peterfreund feels the same, stating that “every girl makes her own choice. The name change works for me, but my sister-in-law decided she shouldn’t change her name. Either way, our marriages work.”

Regardless of their stance on the issue, there is no argument that these women are Bellists. They have strong beliefs when it comes to their marriages, but none compromise their identities as strong, compassionate women. As Kwok says, “[A name] doesn’t fully define you. It’s your beliefs, choices, and actions that actually do, and those speak louder than any name can.”

photo by siderevs photography

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As bellists, we characterize ourselves as women who are working toward the same goal, who recognize that we may not be equal but our combined strengths and weaknesses make us a force to reckon with, and, once and for all, we are on the same team. What better place to see that mentality at work than literally on a team. A sports team, that is. And with the new Women’s Professional Soccer League kicking off this weekend, we have the perfect candidates: members of the Los Angeles team, Sol (Spanish for “sun”).

With a team full of national elite players (like Shannon Boxx of the U.S. and Marta of Brazil), very experienced players (like Camille Abily of France and Stephanie Cox of the U.S.), and, of course, the rookies (like Notre Dame grad Brittany Bock, Stanford grad Allison Falk, and UCLA grad Val Henderson), a brand new soccer team seems like the perfect place for egos to clash and cleats to tear…but they don’t.

We spoke with the rookies and got an overwhelming sense of team camaraderie despite the fact that season was yet to start. Each girl loved to speak about the team bonding that occurred, especially with the internationals. Brittany Bock said, “One day after practice we were having a French lesson in the locker room. Another day we were giving Han [Duan, of China] driving lessons. You know, red means stop.” Bock loves the give as well as the take of having so many cultures in such a small space and the ability to teach and to learn drives her interactions.

The same could be said of these players on the field. Surprisingly, none of the rookies we spoke to really felt like rookies. Val Henderson admitted to having a low confidence level going into preseason. But all that changed when she met her new teammates and started playing with them in an informal setting at the UCLA fields before entering into their official Sol team training. “As a result, I felt a lot more ready,” she said. “And I was really a lot more excited than anything.” Just being together, playing together, strengthens and encourages confidence in these women, these teammates.

Still, as the younger, less experienced players, they do have players they look up to on the field. Allison Falk mentioned what a joy it was to get to play with Kendall Fletcher and Stephanie Cox on the Sol defense (both of whom have played on the U.S. National squad). Falk added, “It’s great just to be able to learn from them and help me help the team.”

Bock, a midfielder, noted the influence of Shannon Boxx, who had only arrived to team training some 24 hours before we met with Brittany. Watching the Sol play in a scrimmage against FC Gold, we immediately noted the halftime chat Boxx initiated with Bock and the intensity on Bock’s face as she focused on the suggestions provided. One day in and Boxx was already making a point to help her teammates however she could

It’s a unique concept that exists on a soccer field or really amongst any team of athletes. They understand that their jobs are to work cohesively so as to exaggerate the others’ strengths, to provide support when it’s needed, encouragement constantly, and celebration whenever possible. And it’s a concept which, if we pay a little closer attention, wouldn’t be quite so unique. Hook up with your local bellists, and you can have it, too.

Follow the Sol in the inaugural match of the WPS on Sunday afternoon, 3pm PT, Fox Soccer Channel.  Or log onto womenssoccer.com to find out how to get tickets for your local team.

—————-

Allison Falk

Hometown:Danville, CA
College: Stanford
Position: Defender
My friends describe me as: tall, funny
My teammates describe me as: giant
My motto is: “Give it Your All”
My biggest challenge was: developing as a player at Stanford
If I could play any other sport, it would be: basketball
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: a lawyer
A woman I really look up to is: Kristine Lilly
My favorite comfort food is: chocolate
Do you ever miss your mom? Yes, when things are going rough.
I feel most confident: on the soccer field when I make a great play or when I score a goal.
I feel most beautiful when: people tell me I am.

—————-

Brittany Bock

Hometown:Naperville, IL
College: Notre Dame
Position: Midfielder
My friends describe me as: goofy
My teammates describe me as: intense, determined
My motto is: “Always Believe”
My biggest challenge was: confidence
If I could play any other sport, it would be: basketball
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: struggling
A woman I really look up to is: my grandma
My favorite comfort food is: cereal
Do you ever miss your mom? Yes. Always. She’s been there for me always. I thank her for that.
I feel most confident when: I have people who believe in me.
I feel most beautiful when: I’m happy.

—————-

Val Henderson

Hometown:Orinda, CA
College: UCLA
Position: Goalkeeper
My friends describe me as: crazy, loud, loyal, competitive, fun
My teammates describe me as: strong
My motto is: “Go Big or Go Home”
My greatest success is: yet to come
If I could play any other sport, it would be: football
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: in another country
My favorite comfort food is: Diddy Riese
Do you ever miss your mom? Yeah, I do when I’m hungry. No, when I see something that reminds me of her or a situation that she would appreciate
I feel most confident when: my teammates are confident in me.
I feel most beautiful when: I’m smiling.

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This last weekend iatg had the opportunity to attend the West Hollywood Women’s Leadership Conference. The gorgeous Pacific Design Center was the perfect setting for a day-long conversation about the emerging shape of women leaders today. With ages spanning several generations, iatg was probably the youngest group of representatives there. As I looked around a room of smart and successful women, I realized it’s imperative to inspire the next generation of leaders.

The day was packed with panel discussions, workshops on everything from women’s health to creating successful business plans, free massages (hooray!), and chalk full of good ol’ inspiration. One speaker, Marie Da Silva, recently nominated as a hero on CNN, has created an entire school in her home country, Malawi, all on the salary of an American nanny. Her message: “You do not have to be Bill Gates to make a difference. You can be a nanny and make a difference.”

The best part of the day was lunch. No, not because there were these ridiculously yummy little strawberry shortcake petit fours (my weakness!), but because we got an opportunity to have a mini roundtable discussion with our tablemates. Surrounding us were lawyers, designers, and self-made women. For a moment we set everything aside, and instead of older women looking at our youth as a threat and as competition, they looked at us as mentors would. It reminded me that no girl or group of girls can go into the world and be a mentor to others without guidance ourselves. Feeling their encouragement and support as we expounded our lofty goals and idealistic philosophies, I felt the power of experience and wisdom bolstering us, lifting us up.

Just when I thought we couldn’t get any more wound up in our enthusiasm, Lindsey Horvath, President of Hollywood NOW, introduced the panel for the discussion of the “F” word (eek, feminism!). These women were Sandy Banks, journalist for the Los Angeles Times, Katie Buckland, Executive Director of the California Women’s Law Center, Linda Burstyn, TV writer and political media consultant, Sharon Davis, former First Lady of California, Rachel Feldman, director and writer, Lisa Pinto, Regional Director for the office of Representative Henry A. Waxman, and Cathee Weiss, producer/partner of Reel Life Stories.

As they expounded on the idea that feminism has suffered a premature death due to negative connotations, outdated stereotypes, and political backlash, we iatg reps were near to jumping out of our seats. They talked about this emerging “third wave of feminism” amongst our generation that embraces choice above all things. A feminist can be a stay at home mom or the CEO of a Fortune 500. She can walk down a runway or protect her country. They called for a re-branding of the cause to incorporate these emerging ideas.

Like the kid who knows the right answer, we were squirming in our seats, ready to get up on the tables and shout “Bellism NOW! Bellism NOW!” We left this conference knowing that iatg has already begun to answer a call that reverberates in so many breasts. We call to our fellow Bellists to join us because, while one person can make a difference by moving handfuls of dirt, many people together can move mountains.

photo of Emily and Amanda with Marie Da Silva

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The theme was “Women Empowering Women” and quite frankly they nailed it. I walked into a room of 400 boisterous, incredibly successful, proud USC alumni. Yet if you hadn’t looked close enough, you might have confused it with a sorority conference. It doesn’t matter our age, you get a room full of women and good luck quieting us down.

In fact, it took three “Ladies, may I please have your attention” on the microphone and borderline shouting to quiet the room before I could properly introduce our lovely co-chairs. But before you knew it, every woman was eagerly awaiting the prestigious speakers and fascinating panel awaiting us.

Now I could go into great detail about how incredible the speakers were, how their poignant messages resonated with me, or how inspired I was by all that they have accomplished but more inspiring was a room full of BELLISTS- women who remembered that we are, in fact, on the same team.

Rarely do you have a room of over 400 chicks, successful in their own right, powerful, gorgeous, accomplished and NOT threatened by one another. There was a completely different vibe in the room; not one of catty eye rolling, judgmental stare downs or gossipy banter. It was a room full of passionate, confident women creatively working on how we could collaborate to accomplish even MORE together.

Similar to i am that girl, we had many different lenses by which we view this world, but one, single vision: to positively and significantly impact this world. And it’s having such a lofty goal, one bigger than ourselves, one which our egos are forced to bow to, that forces us to work together in order to even fathom accomplishing it.

At the end of the day, the first ever, USC Women’s Conference was an over the top success. Yet it whetted my appetite for what women are truly capable of when put in the right room, under the right circumstances. If we are going to be the change this world needs, if we are going to single-handedly impact an entire generation of women, if we are going to have the audacity to pursue our outrageous dreams, our success hinges on one thing. Like the Karate Kid learning patience or the Slumdog never giving up on his love, every mission, every story, every fight has a key ingredient that makes the impossible, possible.

Bellism is reminding women we are on the same team, learning to work together and being each other’s biggest fans while also redefining our society’s unattainable definition of beauty. Our mission is a daunting one, it flirts with the impossible, baits obstacle, taunts challenge and yet we have our secret weapon that will make this journey triumphant, but well worth every step.

“Women empowering women.” Learn it, love it, live by it.

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