Where has the women’s movement gone? Where are our leaders, speaking on our behalf, fighting for us around the world? Because despite the tremendous progress our fore-mothers made for us and the incredible opportunities I’ve been presented with, I look around and the myths of marching women, of sisterhood and a unified voice have seemingly evaporated. I’m left wanting to believe in the dream of women standing on the same team, of holding each other and the world accountable to the ways in which we are treated and I am disenchanted with the reality.

But rather than live off the laurels of our mothers and our grandmothers, it’s our turn to take the torch and play our part in history. I’m talking to you too MEN. We’ve never been presented with such an opportunity, but more importantly, a responsibility to stand up and blow the whistle. One of the most unique distinctions (and criticisms) to our generation is our sense of entitlement, our belief that we can actually make a difference in the world and the bravado and audacity in thinking that we can and will be the resounding answer to our world’s cry for help.

In saying that, the girls I work with were talking about what it would really take to ignite THE 21^st century, women’s movement. Not in theory, not in a sweet, kumbaya kind of way, but how do we ignite a paradigm shifting revolution? How do we rebrand a feminist movement to speak to our generation, to be sexy and beautiful, intelligent and savvy? In a world where advertising companies spoon feed us opinions, assign identities, create entire paradigms and belief systems, how can we utilize the same powerful mechanism, to inspire an entire generation and candidly tell OUR story?

So we surveyed, we held focus groups and work shops to find out what YOU think. We presented the tenants of the feminist movement and asked girls to check the ones they to which they agreed. Nine out of ten girls agreed with all the tenants, then we revealed the last question of whether they considered themselves to be “feminists.” Unfortunately, nine out of ten girls answered with a resounding NO! So we were presented with the dilemma, would we rather take the necessary time to deconstruct the negative connotations associated with the word, “feminism” or potentially create a new movement with a name and a new brand? We chose the latter. We created BELLISM. Because the reality is our fight has changed, and we found the two most  predominant challenges facing our generation were 1. An obnoxiously narrow definition of “beauty” that leaves us all feeling chronically fat and hideous 2. How catty and mean women are to one another and more importantly, themselves. Can I hear an amen?

While there are significant strides left in the original tenants and goals of the feminist movement, we just need a new package, a new battle cry and a reason to get up and march together again. The older I get the more I recognize how important my girl friends are to me and how much our world needs female leaders injecting their compassion into major decision making around the world. I read about my sisters over seas who’s rights are being taken away, who live in inhumane, unacceptable circumstances of abuse, negligence, and poverty. Depending on your zip code, it’s like winning the baby lottery. I won and the reality is if you’re reading this from within the US and on a computer (much less your phone), that already puts you in the top 3% of the world, so you too won the lottery.

My dad used to say that with great opportunity comes great responsibility. We can do incredible things individually, but together we can ACTUALLY change the world. If there were a bell tower I could ring, a siren I could sound, it would be now. Because I think that we have reached a critical point in history and we are losing our voice and this world is proving to be a terrifying place when women become marginalized, objectified and under-valued.

Bellism is but my suggestion; it’s just a word. A word I actually came up with in grad school when I was writing a term paper on a “bad ass, make-believe, chick revolution.” But a word is all we really need. We need a way to identify ourselves, something to stand behind and believe in again. I’m a Bellist, who is determined to redefine our society’s narrow definition of beauty, to celebrate the intangibles and the warehouse of real beauty stored deep withint a woman’s heart. We are on a mission to remind women everywhere that we are in fact on the SAME team and that we can do endlessly more when we collaborate as opposed to compete. We’re on a mission to highlight incredible men who support, love and revere women to jump on board as well.

I asked my dad once if he thought I would have hidden Jewish people during WW2 even though I wasn’t Jewish, if I would have fought for African Americans slaves during the Civil war even though I wasn’t black, if I would have stuck my neck out for someone even when the threat wasn’t facing me personally. He said, “of course you would have, because I raised a daughter who’d fight for those who had no fight left in them, who’d lend their voice to those who’s voice had been taken away and to stand for those who could not longer stand alone.” But the reality, is that the opportunity is presenting itself right now and given the chance to fight for young women around the world, to be a leader for girls now, and to create a revolution, that’s what’s being presented now. So with that, I can’t begin to do it alone. I need you, whoever you are and however you stumbled upon this blog, I’m speaking to you this very second. Join me, stand with me, believe in this, and help us reignite not just any, but OUR movement. The movement of the 21^st century Bellists who stood should to shoulder and said, we’re going to make this world better, one girl at a time.

I have a feeling this is just but the beginning and what an adventure awaits us… let the history books make room for a bunch of misfit, Bellists with a myriad of lenses, but one crystal clear vision… to be the generation who fought for something bigger in life than themselves and left this world better than when they found it.

… you down?

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As Juliet once pondered her star-crossed lover’s unlucky surname, engaged women muse over their own. “What’s in a name?” the young Capulet cried. “Everything and nothing,” modern women respond.

A growing trend for present-day wives is to keep their maiden names after marriage. Shirking convention, these brides choose their birth names to wave the flag for women everywhere. Though marriage historically calls for a woman to leave her family in exchange for dowry,  current Western unions don’t rely on these practices. Rather, contemporary brides stick it to the man by sticking with what they were given.

A wife of 3 years, Erin East never doubted her surname. “I have always firmly believed in gender equality, not only in mind but in action,” East declares. “I was born ‘Erin East’ for this lifetime, from birth to the final transition.”

But for those who may view this reason as feminist hogwash, this existential issue is far more complex than reducing these women to Feminazis. Instead, women primarily keep their name as a semiotic act to preserve their identity.

“Everything I’ve done in my life is under my birth name,” Annie Lee reflects. “If I write a book or do something great some day, I want my name to go with it, not someone else’s.”

Mary Ann Nguyen-Kwok, who recently hyphenated her name after retaining her maiden name, echoes Lee’s sentiment: “Having spent most of my life with my name, it represents who I am. If I became Mrs. Sam Kwok, I would be losing myself. I mean, who is that? There is no part of me in that name.”

And name-preservation isn’t purely egocentric. For Katie McKissick, who plans to marry next year, her family makes up a huge part of her identity. She reveals, “I come from a big family, and I’m proud of my Irish heritage. There was only one McKissick family that came to America, so the name is rare and unique. If I change my name, I would feel like I was separating from my family.”

Yet family is also a reason to alter one’s name. Tenica Peterfreund took her husband’s name because it concretized her marriage and the creation of a new family with him. She says, “Changing my last name makes me feel more like a wife. I share my life with Brian, so he defines me in many ways. Taking his last name solidifies that feeling.”

Susan Kwok agrees: “A name change was an outward symbol of associating myself with my husband as our own family unit.”

In the end though, a name is just a name, and these women understand that it has little to do with character. Phoebe Chuason, who kept her surname, says, “[Name-changing] is a personal choice. I have friends who took their husband’s last name, and I don’t feel like they’ve sold out.”

Peterfreund feels the same, stating that “every girl makes her own choice. The name change works for me, but my sister-in-law decided she shouldn’t change her name. Either way, our marriages work.”

Regardless of their stance on the issue, there is no argument that these women are Bellists. They have strong beliefs when it comes to their marriages, but none compromise their identities as strong, compassionate women. As Kwok says, “[A name] doesn’t fully define you. It’s your beliefs, choices, and actions that actually do, and those speak louder than any name can.”

photo by siderevs photography

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As bellists, we characterize ourselves as women who are working toward the same goal, who recognize that we may not be equal but our combined strengths and weaknesses make us a force to reckon with, and, once and for all, we are on the same team. What better place to see that mentality at work than literally on a team. A sports team, that is. And with the new Women’s Professional Soccer League kicking off this weekend, we have the perfect candidates: members of the Los Angeles team, Sol (Spanish for “sun”).

With a team full of national elite players (like Shannon Boxx of the U.S. and Marta of Brazil), very experienced players (like Camille Abily of France and Stephanie Cox of the U.S.), and, of course, the rookies (like Notre Dame grad Brittany Bock, Stanford grad Allison Falk, and UCLA grad Val Henderson), a brand new soccer team seems like the perfect place for egos to clash and cleats to tear…but they don’t.

We spoke with the rookies and got an overwhelming sense of team camaraderie despite the fact that season was yet to start. Each girl loved to speak about the team bonding that occurred, especially with the internationals. Brittany Bock said, “One day after practice we were having a French lesson in the locker room. Another day we were giving Han [Duan, of China] driving lessons. You know, red means stop.” Bock loves the give as well as the take of having so many cultures in such a small space and the ability to teach and to learn drives her interactions.

The same could be said of these players on the field. Surprisingly, none of the rookies we spoke to really felt like rookies. Val Henderson admitted to having a low confidence level going into preseason. But all that changed when she met her new teammates and started playing with them in an informal setting at the UCLA fields before entering into their official Sol team training. “As a result, I felt a lot more ready,” she said. “And I was really a lot more excited than anything.” Just being together, playing together, strengthens and encourages confidence in these women, these teammates.

Still, as the younger, less experienced players, they do have players they look up to on the field. Allison Falk mentioned what a joy it was to get to play with Kendall Fletcher and Stephanie Cox on the Sol defense (both of whom have played on the U.S. National squad). Falk added, “It’s great just to be able to learn from them and help me help the team.”

Bock, a midfielder, noted the influence of Shannon Boxx, who had only arrived to team training some 24 hours before we met with Brittany. Watching the Sol play in a scrimmage against FC Gold, we immediately noted the halftime chat Boxx initiated with Bock and the intensity on Bock’s face as she focused on the suggestions provided. One day in and Boxx was already making a point to help her teammates however she could

It’s a unique concept that exists on a soccer field or really amongst any team of athletes. They understand that their jobs are to work cohesively so as to exaggerate the others’ strengths, to provide support when it’s needed, encouragement constantly, and celebration whenever possible. And it’s a concept which, if we pay a little closer attention, wouldn’t be quite so unique. Hook up with your local bellists, and you can have it, too.

Follow the Sol in the inaugural match of the WPS on Sunday afternoon, 3pm PT, Fox Soccer Channel.  Or log onto womenssoccer.com to find out how to get tickets for your local team.

—————-

Allison Falk

Hometown:Danville, CA
College: Stanford
Position: Defender
My friends describe me as: tall, funny
My teammates describe me as: giant
My motto is: “Give it Your All”
My biggest challenge was: developing as a player at Stanford
If I could play any other sport, it would be: basketball
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: a lawyer
A woman I really look up to is: Kristine Lilly
My favorite comfort food is: chocolate
Do you ever miss your mom? Yes, when things are going rough.
I feel most confident: on the soccer field when I make a great play or when I score a goal.
I feel most beautiful when: people tell me I am.

—————-

Brittany Bock

Hometown:Naperville, IL
College: Notre Dame
Position: Midfielder
My friends describe me as: goofy
My teammates describe me as: intense, determined
My motto is: “Always Believe”
My biggest challenge was: confidence
If I could play any other sport, it would be: basketball
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: struggling
A woman I really look up to is: my grandma
My favorite comfort food is: cereal
Do you ever miss your mom? Yes. Always. She’s been there for me always. I thank her for that.
I feel most confident when: I have people who believe in me.
I feel most beautiful when: I’m happy.

—————-

Val Henderson

Hometown:Orinda, CA
College: UCLA
Position: Goalkeeper
My friends describe me as: crazy, loud, loyal, competitive, fun
My teammates describe me as: strong
My motto is: “Go Big or Go Home”
My greatest success is: yet to come
If I could play any other sport, it would be: football
If I were not a professional athlete, I would be: in another country
My favorite comfort food is: Diddy Riese
Do you ever miss your mom? Yeah, I do when I’m hungry. No, when I see something that reminds me of her or a situation that she would appreciate
I feel most confident when: my teammates are confident in me.
I feel most beautiful when: I’m smiling.

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This last weekend iatg had the opportunity to attend the West Hollywood Women’s Leadership Conference. The gorgeous Pacific Design Center was the perfect setting for a day-long conversation about the emerging shape of women leaders today. With ages spanning several generations, iatg was probably the youngest group of representatives there. As I looked around a room of smart and successful women, I realized it’s imperative to inspire the next generation of leaders.

The day was packed with panel discussions, workshops on everything from women’s health to creating successful business plans, free massages (hooray!), and chalk full of good ol’ inspiration. One speaker, Marie Da Silva, recently nominated as a hero on CNN, has created an entire school in her home country, Malawi, all on the salary of an American nanny. Her message: “You do not have to be Bill Gates to make a difference. You can be a nanny and make a difference.”

The best part of the day was lunch. No, not because there were these ridiculously yummy little strawberry shortcake petit fours (my weakness!), but because we got an opportunity to have a mini roundtable discussion with our tablemates. Surrounding us were lawyers, designers, and self-made women. For a moment we set everything aside, and instead of older women looking at our youth as a threat and as competition, they looked at us as mentors would. It reminded me that no girl or group of girls can go into the world and be a mentor to others without guidance ourselves. Feeling their encouragement and support as we expounded our lofty goals and idealistic philosophies, I felt the power of experience and wisdom bolstering us, lifting us up.

Just when I thought we couldn’t get any more wound up in our enthusiasm, Lindsey Horvath, President of Hollywood NOW, introduced the panel for the discussion of the “F” word (eek, feminism!). These women were Sandy Banks, journalist for the Los Angeles Times, Katie Buckland, Executive Director of the California Women’s Law Center, Linda Burstyn, TV writer and political media consultant, Sharon Davis, former First Lady of California, Rachel Feldman, director and writer, Lisa Pinto, Regional Director for the office of Representative Henry A. Waxman, and Cathee Weiss, producer/partner of Reel Life Stories.

As they expounded on the idea that feminism has suffered a premature death due to negative connotations, outdated stereotypes, and political backlash, we iatg reps were near to jumping out of our seats. They talked about this emerging “third wave of feminism” amongst our generation that embraces choice above all things. A feminist can be a stay at home mom or the CEO of a Fortune 500. She can walk down a runway or protect her country. They called for a re-branding of the cause to incorporate these emerging ideas.

Like the kid who knows the right answer, we were squirming in our seats, ready to get up on the tables and shout “Bellism NOW! Bellism NOW!” We left this conference knowing that iatg has already begun to answer a call that reverberates in so many breasts. We call to our fellow Bellists to join us because, while one person can make a difference by moving handfuls of dirt, many people together can move mountains.

photo of Emily and Amanda with Marie Da Silva

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The theme was “Women Empowering Women” and quite frankly they nailed it. I walked into a room of 400 boisterous, incredibly successful, proud USC alumni. Yet if you hadn’t looked close enough, you might have confused it with a sorority conference. It doesn’t matter our age, you get a room full of women and good luck quieting us down.

In fact, it took three “Ladies, may I please have your attention” on the microphone and borderline shouting to quiet the room before I could properly introduce our lovely co-chairs. But before you knew it, every woman was eagerly awaiting the prestigious speakers and fascinating panel awaiting us.

Now I could go into great detail about how incredible the speakers were, how their poignant messages resonated with me, or how inspired I was by all that they have accomplished but more inspiring was a room full of BELLISTS- women who remembered that we are, in fact, on the same team.

Rarely do you have a room of over 400 chicks, successful in their own right, powerful, gorgeous, accomplished and NOT threatened by one another. There was a completely different vibe in the room; not one of catty eye rolling, judgmental stare downs or gossipy banter. It was a room full of passionate, confident women creatively working on how we could collaborate to accomplish even MORE together.

Similar to i am that girl, we had many different lenses by which we view this world, but one, single vision: to positively and significantly impact this world. And it’s having such a lofty goal, one bigger than ourselves, one which our egos are forced to bow to, that forces us to work together in order to even fathom accomplishing it.

At the end of the day, the first ever, USC Women’s Conference was an over the top success. Yet it whetted my appetite for what women are truly capable of when put in the right room, under the right circumstances. If we are going to be the change this world needs, if we are going to single-handedly impact an entire generation of women, if we are going to have the audacity to pursue our outrageous dreams, our success hinges on one thing. Like the Karate Kid learning patience or the Slumdog never giving up on his love, every mission, every story, every fight has a key ingredient that makes the impossible, possible.

Bellism is reminding women we are on the same team, learning to work together and being each other’s biggest fans while also redefining our society’s unattainable definition of beauty. Our mission is a daunting one, it flirts with the impossible, baits obstacle, taunts challenge and yet we have our secret weapon that will make this journey triumphant, but well worth every step.

“Women empowering women.” Learn it, love it, live by it.

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